Would you stop seeing him after this?

[Wouldthati]

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

Classic scenario of older guy wanting to mold younger partner and be in control in the relationship. Ever wonder why at 43 (!) he wants a partner (pretty much) young enough to be his daughter?
Move on sista! Just block and never look back.

I think he’s mostly to blame and has behaved appallingly but you do paint yourself to be quite feeble by needing help coming down the mountain. Perhaps he was frustrated with your lack of effort although that does not excuse his rudeness. I agree you are completely incompatible but even if you were his shocking attitude when you parted ways is enough to show him the door.

Wow, I’d block him, absolutely no way I’d see him again. He’s shown you the kind of person he is. If this is what he’s like in the phase when you’re meant to make a good impression then imagine what he’s like 2,5,10yrs down the line?

If he’s this much of a prick now imagine how he’d be when you’ve been together longer. I can’t believe you are even questioning whether to continue. If he comes crawling back block him!

Thanks everyone. He has now been blocked. I have decided to not give him an explanation on why I don't want to see him again. I don't want to speak to him and I suspect that he won't care about how I feel anyway, so what's the point.

I feel really hurt about the whole thing and I feel sad about all of the good parts ending but I'll be ok. At least it was only 2 months

I have noticed in OLD a) a lot of men who like outdoor hobbies (although some are exaggerating), presumably ones that stop them parenting much on weekend, insert golf/walking/cycling/water activities and b) they always have a dog. I have started to suspect their wives have got rid of them and they only really bond well with the dog.

I do like someone interested in healthy things, and having a dog to love is great, but it's a kind of a thing, slightly bitter nasty middle-aged men with a child or two (who they never parent 50/50), and they want someone this time around who doesn't pester them to take the kids to the playpark and will just tramp/cycle/do water sports and they can talk to the dog when it all gets too emotional.

I've just talked myself out of OLD again. Darn.

Well, I think we can all see why this guy's one of life's unclaimed treasures, can't we?

He's an asshole.

Don't see him again. You are young, have your whole life ahead of you, and you deserve so much better.

Don't waste your time on a bellend who makes passive aggressive comments to his dog 🤣

He's a twat. Delete his number, block him and move on. You're only twenty four. You have years and years to meet someone near your own age who's kind and considerate and compatible. And isn't such an eejit they think Snowdon is a suitable first hike.

You've dodged a bullet, OP. He's vile, as well as being 20 years older than you. Thank god you went on that hike and found out what a wanker he is before you wasted any more time on him.

He’s a twat, get rid. He’s also far too old for you. You need somebody your own age to experience things with, not someone who’s either done it all before, or is too set in their ways to want to do it now.

Also, honestly, what 43-year-old wants to go out with a 24-year-old? This is not being derogatory towards you OP, not at all, but I’m 41 and couldn’t imagine having much in common with a 24-year-old, and I’m hardly an old fart. He’s a creep and an arsehole and you can do much much better. You’re 24 for God sake, in your absolute prime, he’s on the decline. Enjoy your youth and don’t piss it away on being a trophy girlfriend for a sad middle-aged creep.

Glad to see you've blocked him. If he messages you in any other way block him via that too. He probably will try to reel you back in to conversing with him again, whatever bait he throws out.... Don't bite. Ignore. Block. Don't give him a second of your energy.

I can understand why in your 20s you might have found him attractive. (A woman his age probably wouldn't btw from what you've said.) The thing that's the red flag though to me is him seeking out people so much younger than him to date. It's often a common feature in arsehole men/abusive relationships. Someone significantly younger doesn't have the life experiences, self confidence, resources, experience etc for it to be an equal dynamic between the two. And the only people who would want that unequal dynamic aren't ones you want to be involved with!

He's better off mountaineering with his obedient dog who won't have their own wants, needs, schedules, responsibilities, etc getting in the way of what HE wants. 🙄

@Wouldthati any man who would say 'you've been disappointing' doesnt deserve you. Someone told me that online dating is about working out why someone is single. There you have it, he's a bully.

i would say you’re incompatible because if you are not an outdoors person who enjoys that sort of stuff and he is/does, well… there’s that.

I could see why he’d be annoyed but that’s not a reason to belittle and be mean to you.

when I met my husband it was made clear very early on that he very much enjoyed physical activity, like cycling, hiking, canoeing, etc, and my idea of relaxing was toasting on a beach 😂

I DREADED our hikes because I found it so hard, being out of breath, but for me he was worth it, and I knew I was being unreasonable. Keep in mind my husband never belittled me, though! In fact, he brought me camping when the weather was amazing and he planned smaller, shorter hikes with a reward at the end.

I tolerated it and went along because I knew he was the one and I was just being a princess…

I’m now an avid hiker and camper, and truly enjoy it, but then again, my husband is a lovely man who understood that I didn’t grow up doing these things and so his approach was really amazing.

I would get rid of this guy. Eww! He’s also really old for you???!?

What a hideous twat. Never contact him again.

I bet he likes going for younger women like you - I’m his age and I’d respond to “you were disappointing” with “you’re an obnoxious cunt”. When I was your age, I’d have responded with shock and silence.

Anyone who leaves you tearful is not a good person to be with.

What a horrid little man. You're very sensible blocking him and not seeing him again.

If he ever does manage to contact you again, RUN... RUN LIKE THE WIND!!

He well and truly disappointed you!!!!

Avoid. Block. etc.

What a rude and selfish man. I think it was good of you to give the hiking a go. If he’d been any kind of decent man he would’ve done something easy to start off with and to see if you liked it. He clearly wanted to do what he wanted to do, and that is the trouble you will find with older men I think !

Pleased to read this! (Though not the bit about you feeling hurt, obvs).

You're well rid

OP, make sure you block him everywhere (Hinge/Whatsapp/FB/phone) and then delete his number, to not have a temptation to message him, and all the chats too. Delete, not archive.

There’s a reason that no hopers like him only target young girls. Anyone their own age would t put up with his bs

hes rude and boring. How dare he treat you like that.
I absolutely would not be texting him unless it was to say that clearly youre not on the same page and you wont be spoken to like that by anyone, let alone some miserable middle aged old man that thinks a good time is a rainy walk up welsh mountains in november

Mind those age gaps, OP. They can work but you'll find he stays the same while you grow and change and then he starts ageing rapidly and you're not even middle aged. I can't tell you how relieved I am that I didn't marry any of my "older" men. I'm now 40 and they're...Well, I don't want to be ageist but I'm so glad I'm married to someone nearer my age.

dont go back