My husbands told me he's going to find someone else

[sugarloop]

We've been separated since September and barely spoke to him in weeks.

Today we had our first proper phone conversation as he was coming to collect the last of his remaining things. I put them in the boot of my car as I refuse to see him.

He text me when he was outside, I unlocked my car from inside and he got his things.

But then he rang and I answered. The phone call was the usual stuff he's said a million times before. Finding someone else is very important to him.

He asked me how I would feel if I saw someone else. My answer was I would be fine. I'm not bothered, he's abusive. I really don't think I'm bothered, it might hurt me later.....but right now I think I'm over it.

He told me he would probably move in with this person. I said ok.

He told me he needs to do what he needs to to move on. I said ok.

Then he ended the call yet again saying 'ok ok going to find someone else, I'll speak you later.

I said 'no problem bye' 👋 😂

Now he's just playing mind games for me to desperately going to turn around and beg him to come home which there is zero chance of.

Has anyone else had this?

I wonder if I'm finally over him....there's a trauma addiction in this. I never thought I would ever get there

He's a bit pathetic, isn't he? He's obviously desperate for a reaction. Well done on not giving him one.

I don't have experience of this but I love how you just cut him down each time!!!

I think you handled that to perfection.

He was looking for wailing and begging and you gave him nothing. Clever girl!

Excellent work love it

He sounds like an arsehole who wants to annoy you and make you jealous and to get a reaction from you. Just talk to him if you really have to and if he keeps going on about this just say great hope that works for you and end the call. Hope you are doing ok and make sure talk to friends family for support.

That should say if he saw someone else not I.

I've learnt to not give him any reaction. I just try be as grey rock as possible but he absolutely hates it. He says I'm cold and horrible.

He actually did the same when we first split up. A couple of weeks later he told me he had someone else and then the week after he told me it was a lie. I was actually quite disappointed 😂

I'm doing the freedom programme at the moment and having therapy. I'm just worried it's going to upset me later though

I think this might mean he already has someone lined up.

you handled that brilliantly.

Doesn't sound like he has a queue of women desperate for him to move in right now though does it?

So he's in the market for a new house slave he can abuse and he's wondering why you don't want your old position back. Oh dear. Not really going to plan is it.

I think this might mean he already has someone lined up.

I don't think so. He already has form for pretending he's got someone. I think he's got nobody. He was goading you and hoping to get an ego boost from you looking upset at the idea of him with someone else. Or maybe even hoping you'd think 'I'd better take him back before some other lucky woman snaps him up'. Well done for not giving him the reaction he wanted!

Him: 'I'm going to find someone else'
You: 'Promises, promises'
Him: 'Whaa-?'

'I'm going to move in with them'
'Oh, my condolences to her'

'I'll speak to you later'
'Really? You'll be speaking to my voicemail then'.

'You'll never do better than me'
'In what? The arsehole Olympics? Byeeeee biatch'.

oh boy, well done. You handled it well. He must be so frustrated! He'll have to up the ante now. He'll meet somebody and he'll tell you all his friends fancy her and he's never had to deal with that before. Wait for it :-p

I think I might have been tempted to say 'good luck, then' 🤔🤣

The power of the “ok” is brilliant. Well done for your cool response OP.

I think you're my hero!

Yes, you MAY feel sad a bit later, but also sounds like with therapy you're doing all the right things to manage your emotions and let yourself be free of a relationship that wasn't working for whatever reason.

I've learnt to not give him any reaction. I just try be as grey rock as possible but he absolutely hates it. He says I'm cold and horrible.
That’s because the grey rock is working and it’s getting to him that he’s not getting to you!
The OK response is perfect OP keep it up.

I would be tempted to say “I’m not cold and horrible to the people I care about” but that’s probably against the ethos of grey rock so don’t take my petty advice but it would feel good 🤭

My ex "accidentally" sent me his dating profile link I didnt react he then rang me apologising saying "a friend" had created it and sent it to all his contacts so a friend had access to our honeymoon pictures (I took the picture so I know exactly where it was taken) created him a dating profile with all his information then created links for all his family and friends (sounds legit right?) I said I didn't open it bye 😂

@EmmaEmerald I think he's been trying but no one wants him. I was convinced I knew who it was the first time and I I was equally happy as she's nice (we have a ds together so for his sake I was happy that he would be in safe hands with her) and worried for her.

But then as I said, he was making it all up. He follows every narcissistic trick in the book.

He's a soon to be divorced dad of 3 kids to 3 different women, living at his mums, in debt up to his eye balls and a gambling addict. I'm not sure who would want him but some poor vulnerable woman would and that's his type.

He's very charming. You can't help but like him. It's really annoying.

No advice as you seem to be handling himvbrilliantly. Just want to say, I loved the way you handed over his stuff!!! wish I could have seen the look on his face when he realised you weren't going to do a face to face handover and you wouldn't be falling in love with him all over again on the doorstep! Great work @sugarloop

My ex texted me and announced he was going to find someone else, after I had kicked him out. I replied "Good luck with that."
The new gf phoned me a couple of weeks later saying how happy they were, and she was helping to give up a severe booze addiction "Yeah okay, good luck with that one love. You're welcome to him"
She laughed and said I was jealous, WTAF?
A few months later, he had left her in shit loads of debt and someone from Social Security [as it was then] had been round to hers as he was being investigated for benefit fraud and forgery using alias names and her address.

Ah there is nothing more powerful than the flat "ok" when someone is trying to goad you into an emotional reaction. Bravo OP, you handled that absolutely perfectly and he's probably absolutely frothing that you're not a weeping mess begging him to come back.

I had this but he was also trying to tell me i couldn't live without him,which I absolutely successfully have. What makes it easier is if you cut all ties , change phone numbers , keys etc and then they can't contact you come what may. I understand having children thats not possible but I didn't at the time

He honestly will be expecting me to cry into my pillow tonight. But instead I'll be sprawled in my king size bed that I have all to myself feeling a massive weight off my shoulders that the rest of his crap is finally out of my house.

I wouldn't have answered the phone however he was still outside my house when he rang and I wondered if there was something I had forgotten.

But after I answered he said 'I guess we're really over then' and 'I'm so sad that my wife doesn't want me anymore'

I won't go into all the abuse but the last couple of months of marriage were extremely traumatic and exhausting. Emotional abuse. He just doesn't get it.

I love that you are doing welll! Why do they think we won't survive? Life is easier without them!

I have got an email address to use for contact. I only unblocked him today to speak about getting his stuff. I soon remembered why he is blocked 😂

It is difficult when dc are involved. He's barely seen him but that's his choice. I don't want him at my house at all so I told him in an email that I wasn't stopping him from seeing ds but I'd prefer to meet in a public place to drop him off and collect him. He replied with he didn't want to see ds at all until 'all this is sorted'.

I didn't reply to that. He's sent a couple of emails since that hints that he wants to see ds but I reminded him of the email that stated he didn't actually want to see him. He's not seen him since.

If you are not bothered then good for you , you've obviously come a long way to not care and leave behind this abusive relationship. He's doing it on purpose clearly, as he probably thinks he's got control over you and you will cave in. Oh well , feel sorry for who ever he does find then!!

OP "Why do they think we won't survive? Life is easier without them!"

so true! I feel like there's a lot of men who think they enhance women's lives by just being in the house. It's weird.