My husbands told me he's going to find someone else

[sugarloop]

We've been separated since September and barely spoke to him in weeks.

Today we had our first proper phone conversation as he was coming to collect the last of his remaining things. I put them in the boot of my car as I refuse to see him.

He text me when he was outside, I unlocked my car from inside and he got his things.

But then he rang and I answered. The phone call was the usual stuff he's said a million times before. Finding someone else is very important to him.

He asked me how I would feel if I saw someone else. My answer was I would be fine. I'm not bothered, he's abusive. I really don't think I'm bothered, it might hurt me later.....but right now I think I'm over it.

He told me he would probably move in with this person. I said ok.

He told me he needs to do what he needs to to move on. I said ok.

Then he ended the call yet again saying 'ok ok going to find someone else, I'll speak you later.

I said 'no problem bye' 👋 😂

Now he's just playing mind games for me to desperately going to turn around and beg him to come home which there is zero chance of.

Has anyone else had this?

I wonder if I'm finally over him....there's a trauma addiction in this. I never thought I would ever get there

Well done @sugarloop. You're brave and strong. You'll be the reason why your DS won't turn out like his father. He will see how you've handled this and take it as lesson how not to treat women.

@wildwestpioneer I couldn't get rid of him when we first met. He would sulk if I wanted a night on my own. Then he ghosted me for 4/5 weeks and then came back.

I believe now he was trying to get his back in this time but she said no so he gave up and came back to me.

I think he's been doing the same now. Had women on stand by while he's trying to win me back. He's finally given up and now not bothering with me at all. It's a pattern.

Like I say, when he started seeing me, he was at mine every night and I enjoyed it but it was fake. I was well and truly love bombed by him. I've said earlier, he should of brought his belongings on our first date with him. He did do odd jobs for me in the house at the start which I thought was great....now I realise it wasn't!

Thank you so much. I hope so!

Today is the worst day. I can't stop crying. Everything has gone wrong and it's stuff that he would have the answers too. House stuff.

I've also felt the pain massively for everything he's done to me today. My tears have honestly been non stop.

Then he rang me to discuss something related to an account that we need to sort. I couldn't hold my tears in. He said he didn't like hearing me cry and he would ring me later to talk. I told him not to bother and that he had destroyed me and hung up on him.

Not grey rock. I failed today. I don't think he will ring anyway. Hes being different. Speaking to me like I'm no one. Like he's moved on. I really was nothing to him.

OP, what you're going through is normal, but you have to protect yourself. Block him. Communicate only by email and if urgent.

Don't let him suck you back in. Re-read your notes from the freedom program.

You'll be ok.

Thank you. I know you are right. There is no chance he will suck me back in - I'm 10000000000000% sure!

It's just a bad day.
My son wet the bed big style so everything needs washing
Washing machine got jammed
My washing line fell down and is now completely broken.
My security camera stopped working
The handy man I thought was great is actually shit and is leaving house in a mess and costing me a fortune.
Tried to upgrade my phone but somehow it went wrong and had the wrong address on.
I spent all morning (literally) on the phone to sky to try sort out taking over his broadband which is in my house and they kept doing it wrong - the reason we had to speak on the phone and it's still not sorted.
He was supposed to pay maintenance and he hasn't - will be going to cms.

Just one of those days! I have been really strong but it's just all got on top of me today.

I know about one of those days. It is very overwhelming! But you know what, the only way is up from here. cry it out, update this thread, give yourself a day off.

Then get back into it. Tackle what you can in bits. File for CMS. Leave the washing machine for now, everytime I try to sort an appliance when stressed just results in a broken appliance and more stress!

You will be OK!

It is, you're right thank you. I hope my latest posts haven't seemed as though I want him back as that's in no way the case.

I think just think with maybe doing the freedom programme and also realising that he is absolutely a narcissist (I know that's a term that gets thrown around all the time at the moment but he is one!) is very hard. How he can move on so quick while I'm still sad crying on a daily basis over his behaviour. It's just hard to take.

It's like I believe everything that he is abusive. I believe I'm a victim....but it doesn't feel like it at all. On my wobbly days anyway