Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are these flags as red as I think?

133 replies

TooMuchRedMaybe · 08/11/2023 13:45

After a long marriage I am back on the dating market, now mid-40s. I started talking to this man the same age as me about 6 weeks ago. We live near each other but he has been away until last week. Anyways, we had great chemistry over chat/video calls whilst he was away and it was even better when we met last week. We have basically been inseperable since. We have lots of fun, sex is great, we have the same interests, the same taste is music, food, films etc. I find him really attractive and fun and he says he feels the same about me. He says he wants a serious realationship etc. All good so far.

My issue is his past. He has a young child who lives abroad with the mother who he goes and sees for 3-4 weeks at a time 3-4 times a year. They broke up a year ago and he says he finds her really annoying and he's not attracted to her physically. Problem is that they have always had sex when he goes and sees them in this last year. He says I shouldn't be concerned about that because he has been single but he won't do it now that he's met me. She and the child is coming to see him in a month and half and they are all staying in a third country together (where I won't be) and I feel really unsure what to make of that. He said he's going to tell her that he's met me but that obviously won't stop them from having sex.

I asked him how long he's gone without having sex in the last year and he said, maybe a month. In the 6 weeks that we have been talking he has had sex with two other women. I don't expect full committment before meeting someone so I can't really say that he's done anything wrong I guess, but am I strange for feeling a little bit grossed out about it? He says I'm being insecure when I ask about it and that what he's doing is normal. I just don't think I can ever feel relaxed about him spending so much time with the mother of his child who he also occasionally sleeps with even though he's not attracted to her and finds her annoying. If that was true why would he do it?

OP posts:
EyeInTheSky23 · 12/12/2023 14:38

He's not tall for a man, dad bod, already a father to a child with a woman he's not with ...... Has no filter so he's telling you the above about their involvement, is snidely mentioning your weight (even though you're skinny), and mouthing off about all men wanting to fuck other women while in relationships.

Struggling to see why he's supposed to be a catch.

Sounds like he some ego, with little reason.

Shouldershoulder · 12/12/2023 14:39

I'm sure there was a very similar thread ages ago , maybe some other poor mumsnetter met him before you.

EyeInTheSky23 · 12/12/2023 14:39

You're a 5'7", slim Scandinavian woman - you could do better.

EyeInTheSky23 · 12/12/2023 14:41

a nice face

Pity his character isn't equally nice.

SamW98 · 12/12/2023 14:44

It wouldn’t matter if he was Brad Pitt’s sexier better looking brother, he’s a twat and cutting off contact is 💯 the right thing to do.

TooMuchRedMaybe · 12/12/2023 14:50

EyeInTheSky23 · 12/12/2023 14:38

He's not tall for a man, dad bod, already a father to a child with a woman he's not with ...... Has no filter so he's telling you the above about their involvement, is snidely mentioning your weight (even though you're skinny), and mouthing off about all men wanting to fuck other women while in relationships.

Struggling to see why he's supposed to be a catch.

Sounds like he some ego, with little reason.

I'm struggeling to see it too now. I think I was attracted to him initially because he's incredibly intelligent, has a wicked sense of humour, he lovebombed me, we liked all the same music, films, artists, writers etc. His EQ is so very low though and I'd rather be with someone who has some emotional intelligence than someone knows everything about biodiversity in Papa New Guinean swamp areas. I can't do much with that sort of information.

OP posts:
TooMuchRedMaybe · 12/12/2023 14:51

Shouldershoulder · 12/12/2023 14:39

I'm sure there was a very similar thread ages ago , maybe some other poor mumsnetter met him before you.

Well, he's gone through his fair share of women so who knows.

OP posts:
Hellsmells · 12/12/2023 15:05

You sound amazing! Meet with the other women, create a list and post a warning sign! Good luck to you

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread