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Original poster

Christmas and what is reasonable exdh

122 replies

katdu · 03/11/2023 12:23

NC for this as I have friends on here. I have been divorced from exh for 7 years and he has got remarried to someone who I don't approve of and she is not the same background as us. Me and dh exh have a dd who is 20 and lives with me full time and is in education. I have asked exdh if he wants to spend Christmas here with dd as this will probably be the last one dd is at home before she goes away travelling the world. Exdh has said this is not appropriate as we are not a family, only dd is his concern. He said dd can spend it with him and his wife. If this happens I will be on my own and won't get to see dd for her last Christmas here for a while. I am unreasonable for wanting us to spend Christmas together. Exdh don't have any shared children so I do not see why she would not be letting him. It is not like I want to jump on him or anything just trying to keep everything good between us.

OP posts:
OldMountainGoat · 03/11/2023 12:26

What a great first post OP.

Gizlotsmum · 03/11/2023 12:27

You asked he said no. Nothing more to be said

NotLactoseFree · 03/11/2023 12:28

YABU.

If you got on with his wife (and the whole "don't approve of her" thing is ridiculous? She's a different culture/race/religion?) and you could all celebrate together, great. Otherwise, between you all, you agree on where DD spends Christmas and arrange for alternative celebrations as necessary - eg Christmas Eve with you, Christmas with her father or vice versa.

Oh, and as DD is 20, I'd argue that if she is invited to spend Christmas with you and Christmas with her dad, she gets to decide which one she wants to do and the other parent then makes an alternative plan with her.

Original poster
katdu · 03/11/2023 12:29

This isn't my first post I am a regular poster. I am trying to do what is best for DD and I think she would really like it if we can just spend sometime, I am only asking for a couple of hours. But I am guessing it is not a reasonable request.

OP posts:
OldMountainGoat · 03/11/2023 12:29

I like the NC comment as well. Works well.

B1rd · 03/11/2023 12:32

I think the main issue is that you don't want to spend Christmas day by yourself.

Have you asked your DD what she would like to do?!

It's odd that you don't appreciate that your exH now has a wife!

Original poster
katdu · 03/11/2023 12:34

I understand he has a wife but he left me and I still feel angry about it now. I don't want to be on my own at Christmas, who does. She is not a different religion etc she was not born into money and works as a paramedic which is completely different to our upbringing/background. I feel angry she has a good quality of life now and it should be my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
katdu · 03/11/2023 12:35

Dd will want to spend it with me, but I was trying to share the day.

OP posts:
IAmtheVampiresWife · 03/11/2023 12:36

What has happened the last 7 years on Christmas Day?

littleripper · 03/11/2023 12:37

What does your daughter want? She's 20! I was having Xmas at my own home by then 😂

Original poster
katdu · 03/11/2023 12:37

I have spent them with my family and dd and exh has spent some with his family and now his wife.

OP posts:
NotLactoseFree · 03/11/2023 12:38

katdu · 03/11/2023 12:34

I understand he has a wife but he left me and I still feel angry about it now. I don't want to be on my own at Christmas, who does. She is not a different religion etc she was not born into money and works as a paramedic which is completely different to our upbringing/background. I feel angry she has a good quality of life now and it should be my life.

You sound deranged about this women. Snobby, bitter and unpleasant. I mean sure, I don't blame you for being annoyed he left you, even more so if she was the OW, but it's time to move on now.

Your dd wants to spend it with you, great. No problem. She can arrange a different Christmas celebration with her dad and step mother.

ErinAoife · 03/11/2023 12:40

At 20 years old it is your daughter decision where she wants to spend Christmas.

Poniesandrainbows · 03/11/2023 12:40

katdu · 03/11/2023 12:34

I understand he has a wife but he left me and I still feel angry about it now. I don't want to be on my own at Christmas, who does. She is not a different religion etc she was not born into money and works as a paramedic which is completely different to our upbringing/background. I feel angry she has a good quality of life now and it should be my life.

She's a paramedic! One of the most valuable careers out there. She's literally saving peoples lives and you say she doesn't deserve a good quality of life?

Original poster
katdu · 03/11/2023 12:40

She wasn't the OW, he didn't leave me for anyone else he left as he was unhappy in our marriage. I am not deranged about her just see her living my life. I am struggling to move on.

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 03/11/2023 12:40

Not being born into money sounds an odd thing to dislike this woman for. These are all your issues and I am not surprised the ex won't accommodate your request.

ErinAoife · 03/11/2023 12:42

Ignores my reply did not see the reply where you said she wants to spend Christmas with you. It was nice of you to invite him.

IAmtheVampiresWife · 03/11/2023 12:44

katdu · 03/11/2023 12:37

I have spent them with my family and dd and exh has spent some with his family and now his wife.

Are you saying DD has never been at his on Christmas Day and if so, why?

Original poster
katdu · 03/11/2023 12:44

I think it is the annoyance and hurt she is living a nice lifestyle where although I am not struggling I am not as much.

OP posts:
Original poster
katdu · 03/11/2023 12:44

ErinAoife · 03/11/2023 12:42

Ignores my reply did not see the reply where you said she wants to spend Christmas with you. It was nice of you to invite him.

That's what I was trying to do. But he said he wants to spend it with his wife and dd is welcome there.

OP posts:
ErinAoife · 03/11/2023 12:44

However I do feel you are very snobby. I don't like my ex husband new partner but not because of what she is doing for work but because of what my ex said.

IAmtheVampiresWife · 03/11/2023 12:46

Your message to him was crazy - you were expecting him to come and leave his wife at home?

mondaytosunday · 03/11/2023 12:47

Exes do dorms holidays together, but you'd have to invite his new partner too - you can't expect her to doyy tú nd it on her usb. But he doesn't want to spend it with you.
Also you say you spend Chwutj family AND your daughter- do you wouldn't be on your own if she spent this Christmas with her father?
As long as your daughter doesn't feel like she is being guilt tripped to always spending it with you, let her decide. Keep your feelings out of it.

Original poster
katdu · 03/11/2023 12:49

IAmtheVampiresWife · 03/11/2023 12:44

Are you saying DD has never been at his on Christmas Day and if so, why?

Show quote history

She likes spending it with me and her grandma

OP posts:
Godzillaisjusthangry · 03/11/2023 12:49

It wasn't a kind offer, it was manipulative.

You were using your DD to separate him from his wife on Xmas day because you are jealous and scared of the future.

You were deliberately trying to sabotage their Xmas day, you weren't thinking of your DD. She's 20 FGS! she's not a child.

If this is real, then get some counselling because you sound either unwell or unhinged.