Christmas and what is reasonable exdh

[katdu]

NC for this as I have friends on here. I have been divorced from exh for 7 years and he has got remarried to someone who I don't approve of and she is not the same background as us. Me and dh exh have a dd who is 20 and lives with me full time and is in education. I have asked exdh if he wants to spend Christmas here with dd as this will probably be the last one dd is at home before she goes away travelling the world. Exdh has said this is not appropriate as we are not a family, only dd is his concern. He said dd can spend it with him and his wife. If this happens I will be on my own and won't get to see dd for her last Christmas here for a while. I am unreasonable for wanting us to spend Christmas together. Exdh don't have any shared children so I do not see why she would not be letting him. It is not like I want to jump on him or anything just trying to keep everything good between us.

You still haven't got over him it after 7 years !! Maybe you need to spend some time dealing with that.

As for Christmas, don't leave it up to DD because she'll be caught in the middle. Offer Christmas Eve/Day at one house, and Boxing day & rest of holiday week at the other.

Hilarious, if it wasn’t scarily delusional.

I was trying to do the best thing for our dd as she would like us both to be there. I admit I am jealous doesn't help she is 14 years younger than me. It is real and I have had counselling.

New wife sounds like a great role model for your DD to me, Op.

No you weren't and you know it deep down. Just own it.

Don't make life difficult for your DD going forward or you may lose her as well.

It's up to your dd where she spends Christmas. You asked if he wanted to join you, he said no. End of conver really

Your sentiment is nice, but he is also not wrong for saying no.

Why can you not split the day and dd do half with you amd half with them?

Jumped the shark with the paramedic bashing

I agree with this, sorry op.

It's not reasonable to request that he spends Christmas Day with you. He should be with his wife.

Surely DD can see both of you at different times.

That may be, but those are your feelings; that doesn’t make your request reasonable. If you were asking her to come too, great, but you’re asking your ex to leave his partner alone on Christmas to spend it with you - can you not hear how unreasonable that sounds? Your daughter is 20 as well, not a child, and this won’t be the last Christmas you spend with her.

I am not bashing her job but exdh will be subsidising her.

And what does her background and job have to do with anything?

She's a paramedic! Shock, horror.

Struggling to believe this is genuine!
If it is YABU, i suspect DD at 20 years old would actually find it quite awkward having her mum and dad together 'for her' on christmas when you've been separated for 7 years. Why can't she see you both separately on christmas day, stay home christmas eve and see you christmas morning then go to her dads in the afternoon/evening. I get this with young kids where they have santa come and the big present excitement etc for both parents to share that with them but at 20, really?!

Popcorn anyone? 🍿

I am not bashing her job but exdh will be subsidising her.

That's just a normal marriage. When 2 people marry they generally share finances. I wouldn't call it subsidising anyone. In that case I'd be considered to be subsidising my DH!

What a weird post. Just have Christmas with your DD and stop trying to drag your Ex, who you are clearly not over, back into your lives.

He has acted appropriately and said it would not be right. OF course he wants to spend Christmas with his wife.

No offence but he's married to someone else you need to let him go.
She's not living your life, how can you live your own life thinking like that?

Regarding Christmas your DD is an adult let her decide where she wants to be.

Regarding your exH he's right in regards to it's not appropriate especially as you seem to hugely struggle with the concept that your not his wife anymore. His new wife doesn't live your life, it's not your marriage anymore. You say your working on it with counselling you need to stop being bitter it's a waste of your life, time and energy. Find things you love doing, build your own self confidence etc.

You are going to have to learn to make other plans for Christmas especially if your DD is going travelling etc

Wouldn’t mind him subsiding you though?

So for the past 7 years your dd has spent Christmas with you and seen her father at some other time. Now that he is married you want to change the routine?

you mention that you have had counseling, if you are still in therapy, you might want to switch to 2 sessions a week.

You don't approve of the new wife because she's a broke paramedic? Let's hope you never need an ambulance, eh?

You sound like a horrible person. Your 20 year old adult daughter can do whatever she prefers.

So it was ok for him to subsidise you and not a paramedic?!

You are not coming across very well here by your comments.

You are clearly not looking at the best interests of your daughter, you are doing it for you and are very unreasonable, bitter and jealous. You need to stop being selfish.

You need to careful the impact this will have on your daughter.

I can believe this is true as my dhs ex is like this and has called me all sorts of savoury names and still think she is number one in dhs life manipulating his kids against me. You need to move on and stop behaving like this.

She'll be working over Xmas anyway so your ex is being really unreasonable.