Sexless marriage. Tell me your story

[Maldad]

So im not looking for advice or judgement and just looking to hear from your side what you done about a sexless marraige.

I know this goes both ways as i see lots of posts about women who have kids who still want sex and men who say the same.

Just to give you a brief background of my situation. Married 10+ years, kids blah blah. Before you say im pestering for sex im not. I do more than 50% share of everything i.e i do 100% cooking, half kids stuff, birthdays etc and its not for sex, its just who i am. I dont like a dirty house, i like seeing my family happy, im sucessfull, in great shape, do loads with the kids plus loads of other stuff.

Sex has been poor (even prior to kids) and is an average of 1 to 2 times a year. Its built up, ive talked about, done everything i could to improve the situation but my partner just doesnt have a sex drive or just doesnt find me attractive anymore but always avoids talking about it and when she does she makes up reasons why she doesnt initiate etc. I know shes not cheating and is an amazing mum.

I know my options so no need to advise but always interested in other peoples storys.

Hit me with them, from both men and women.

The question is what did you do between 2008 and 2021.

Due to health reasons my wife rarely wants sex, and the frequency is declining rapidly as time passes, which makes me think that very soon we may be at the point that we've had sex for the last time.

Obviously, I can take care of myself, but that doesn't really replace the whole physical and emotional effects that sex with the person you love gives.

However, in spite of how much I've loved our sex life together, how sad I am that it's in all likelihood coming to an end, it is trumped by the rest of our life together. A sexless life with my wife, beats even thinking about a sexual relationship with anyone else.

It might help that we're still physically (and verbally) affectionate with each other, maybe if that ended too it might be more difficult.

But in spite of my painfully low self-esteem and worries that I'm just ugly, my MH-induced paranoia that she'd be better off with someone else anyway, my (almost) grief for our sex-life (all of which I keep to myself), I'd still not want to be with anyone else.

@Rania78 I didnt do anything between those times.

Posted this on one of the lockdown threads. Bit more detail.

Havent had any human physical touch from DH for 28 years. I coped ok with this most of the time, (I did have a relationship with someone else between 2003 and 2008) I coped most years by focusing on friends and always looked forward to the social aspect of going to the hairdressers and wax salon etc. In March 2020 that all went. As time went on and certainly when we got to November 2020 lockdown seemed to exacerbate things and i STILL say we were psychologically abused. I woke up one day in early August 2021 and could not get ex OM out of my head. I was walking around my bed in the middle of the night shaking and crying (i did try to talk about this on the mental health board at the time but the Covid zealots got me booted off) I agonized for five weeks and then in September 2021 i broke and wrote to him. He was so pleased i wrote to him and still says that now that we have been seeing each other again since October 2021. In the August i felt like i was having a complete breakdown I also had a terrible feeling that something had happened to him. I was right. He had had a small stroke and has been left with a stutter and damage to his swallow reflex. It was strange how i had that feeling when id had no contact with him for 13 and a half years at that point. He said there has been no one since we split in 2008 (obvs i wouldnt have minded if there had been as not my buisness but others have told me its true I have no idea what caused the way i felt in August 2021 (it could have been a delayed effect of the lockdowns or exacerbated by it but im glad it led me to where i am now and i no longer give a rats what others think

Would you have a vasectomy op? Coming off the pill for condoms isn't very satisfactory a vasectomy would show her you're serious and combined with sex toys would probably be the way to go.

@JenniferBooth
You're always posting about this but I don't think you've ever explained why you haven't left to be with the OM.

Deleted! Wrong place