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Original poster

Worst mother in law comments...go on join me in my misery lol!

459 replies

Flutterby10 · 28/10/2023 16:50

Go on tell me the worst things said to you by a mother in law?

Not saying they all bad btw I’ve had a couple of nice ones previously when younger.

Ive had pretty a pretty bad week with mine but I’ve decided I’m over it all now!

OP posts:
Chedderbites2 · 28/10/2023 22:39

Apologies for typos in spelling i hit send by accident before completing my post and i don't know how to edit.

AdoraBell · 28/10/2023 22:41

When I was first with DH, he was divorcing before we met, he called his mother to say he would be over at the weekend and she said “have you got that girl with you?”

Never any negative comments about his ex wife and all the married men she’d slept with during their marriage.

User1789 · 28/10/2023 22:43

Chedderbites2 · 28/10/2023 22:38

Can I ask how you all still manage to maintain relationships with DP's with the MIL being so vile? Do you find your partners stick up for you or do they just keep out of it i.e. basically won't stick up for you with MIL. I found in existence i was told to just ignore her shes always like that no matter how much they upset me or made me cry it was always brushed under the carpet and they are all still mummies boys

I have been v low contact with MIL (FIL died) for about 18 months now, due in part to my husband's inability to deal with her in a way I deem appropriate, and it has been blissful.

Gloriously · 28/10/2023 22:44

Mine just looked me up and down with disgust on my wedding day - didn’t say congratulations or you look nice - then spend the entire reception sobbing away in her hotel bedroom.

What I am sad about is that I spent the next 30 years fawning and trying to please her as she spent every opportunity trying to disrupt our marriage......until one day I just detached from her.

She was a delusional, grandiose, alcoholic fool with not one friend in the world.

I feel so so sad for my niave people pleaser young self.

I teach my DCs to spot a wrong ‘un early doors, swerve and move swiftly on.

Whisperingangel1 · 28/10/2023 22:48

Oh god I could write a book. Don't speak to her anymore because she's such a horrid cow. So here goes.....

  • Rang my DH to tell him she wanted to make sure I wouldn't get anything if she left some money to him in her will, just incase we divorce and I spend it on my second husband. LOL
  • having spent 1 day babysitting my child (with my DH) she snatched the phone off my DH mid video call to me, so she could bellow down the phone "your child doesn't miss you at all, not one bit, doesn't need you, just needs his daddy, he never cries with me, you're the one that makes him cry"
  • she seems nice (about me when I first dated DH) but she's not Muslim is she
  • after I lost my baby at 16 weeks "don't worry you will catch on again"
  • "why do you want to breastfeed, when are you going to stop" every day whilst I breast fed for the first 4 months after baby was born
  • "you're life gets ruined, that's what happens, it's life"
  • "you're so lucky to be with my son"
  • after taking her to a mother baby group with my baby she said "oh god this is not somewhere to bring DH, with all that going on, on show" (all that being women breastfeeding)

What a ray of sunshine she is.

justinitforthebanter · 28/10/2023 22:48

After telling her the name of our friends new baby she declared "with a name like that it sounds like he is going to grow up to be gay!" She didn't understand that there was so much wrong with what she said and got defensive when we called her out. This wasn't the 1st or last time she said something similar and we are now no contact. From what I heard she is still adamant that she is right and it's been 5 years!

DyslexicPoster · 28/10/2023 22:51

My step mil told me she had been waiting years since we met for me to loose weight. Why?
Mil insinuating that I had trapped dh with child 3 and 4. No child was selfish, one child was selfish. Two kids fine. Three kids must have a mistake and four was clearly my tricking dh.
Anything the kids do well. ' they get from their uncle!' Who they never see. Her favourite child. No good traits from the actual dad.

Everyone generally thinks she is great but she is very proud of saying as she sees it and is very rude. No filter, no boundaries. Unfortunately she is quite racist and ageist and also hates the English and England but is English now living in Asia.

Sad thing is we all probably be mil one day. If just don't comment on weight or looks I think I'd do a better job

JudgeJ · 28/10/2023 22:54

I am actually very fond of my mil but she does drive me mad sometimes - is it a generational thing? She’s 73.

I'm older so no, it's not necessarily a generational thing! Even my MIL, born 1910 was quite different to my mother,1914. On threads like this I often wonder what the husband/partner think of their MIL because the majority of the women seem to think their mother's perfect.

User1789 · 28/10/2023 22:58

Gloriously · 28/10/2023 22:44

Mine just looked me up and down with disgust on my wedding day - didn’t say congratulations or you look nice - then spend the entire reception sobbing away in her hotel bedroom.

What I am sad about is that I spent the next 30 years fawning and trying to please her as she spent every opportunity trying to disrupt our marriage......until one day I just detached from her.

She was a delusional, grandiose, alcoholic fool with not one friend in the world.

I feel so so sad for my niave people pleaser young self.

I teach my DCs to spot a wrong ‘un early doors, swerve and move swiftly on.

I spent 13 years trying everything in the book to make it work, before having an epiphany that I had never had a relationship with the woman (and nor had many other people, she has no friends either) and I just 'dropped the rope'. Never been happier.

But yes, I feel so sad about how utterly clueless my 22 year old self was when I met them, how much energy I spent trying to make everyone happy when they didn't want to be, and how deeply unhelpful my husband, family, friends, therapists and society as a whole were in helping me realise that. I feel like I was set up to fail.

I have now reached a level of maturity in my mid/late 30s, and in motherhood myself, to be able to see the situation much more clearly and walk away from it for the benefit of everybody involved imp. But I am bitter about just how much I had to see and do that for myself, and how little the sacrifices I was and have been forced to make over the situation are recognised.

SingaporeSling01 · 28/10/2023 22:59

3 months after giving born to second DCG and having been selected to play club tennis at a very competitive level which I was lucky to be able to to whilst on maternity leave, she looked me up and down whilst on a lovely holiday that I had arranged and said “they do say you don’t have to be thin to be fit”.

FrostieBoabby · 28/10/2023 23:01

I've pretty much given her a wide berth but here's a few:-

When MIL was going to the theatre to see Riverdance that I really wanted to see and one of the people she was going with dropped out so there was a spare ticket going begging, said to DH in front of me like I wasn't in the room "oh Frostieboabby won't want to come with us old folks, we'll just put our coats on the spare seat" clearly my role was only as a free taxi.

Said to DH and I after she received an unexpected small inheritance "I'm going to share it, £100 each for you 2 but other son and dil will get £500 each" for no reason except the other son had the precious granddaughters and used them as a blackmailing weapon while at that time we had only produced boy grandchildren so she wasn't fussy for keeping us in favour.

On Xmas Eve "I NEED raspberries for the trifle...sorry MIL no chance of that on Xmas Eve, I'll see if I can pick up some frozen ones for you, they'll taste the same..NOOOO, I MUST have fresh raspberries, can't make the Xmas trifle without them, it will be ruined" (oh, and that was a Xmas dinner we weren't invited to either CFr....)

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 28/10/2023 23:03

Ringadinga · 28/10/2023 17:38

To my soon to be DH 2 weeks before the wedding, 'You're making the worst mistake of your life', our wedding day crying because he was, 'paying more attention to me than her', 3 years in, waited until I left the room then slipped him the details of a great divorce lawyer she'd got her friend to give her as her son had just divorced. When my DH pointed out that my mum was happy for us she answered, 'well of course SHE is, look what she's getting in the family and what I'm getting'.
10 years later on holiday together the receptionist at the hotel actually came round the counter and hugged me because she felt sorry for me having 'a MIL like that, and I seemed lovely'. No idea what was said!

25 years on and she finally thinks I'm fabulous, took a good 15 years to change her mind though. Now we get on fine and she absolutely denies any of the above ever happened.

😦

milkywinterdisorder · 28/10/2023 23:04

When DH told his parents I was expecting their first grandchild they both went silent til MIL finally said “Oh. And are you…pleased?” DH laughed awkwardly and said of course we were. FIL said “Oh. Well. That’s…er…lovely news.” You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife!

DH called them the next day to ask why they’d reacted so oddly and MIL said it was just that babies were really quite a responsibility and had we really thought about it properly?

(In case it sounds like we were 15 when this all went down, we were in our early thirties and had been married and owned our own home for six years…)

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 28/10/2023 23:07

icanlovemebetter · 28/10/2023 17:51

As a tradition I was touching her feet and she shooed me away one time. She'd never do that to her dog.

Also at family dinners. I was always "allowed" to be served last. She'd not let me take food on my plate unless everyone else has started eating.

Touching her feet?!?! Hmm Eeeew. I'm not surprised she shooed you away, That's revolting

rach2713 · 28/10/2023 23:08

My husband is a handyman around the house. He was painting the living room and we was joking saying if he wasnt here i would be lost and i said if i was here you would be ok as he can do everything. We told his mum what was said and when it came to his bit she said before we even said anything yeah (he would be happy) i asked him and said are you not happy like as that comment kinda hurt as there is a bit of a back story with his family..

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 28/10/2023 23:10

supersparrow · 28/10/2023 18:01

SIL had a clothes shop and gave family members a discount. I said something to MIL about having bought something using the discount and she said, ‘Oh, I thought the discount was only for family - she gives it to you too?’ I had been married to her son for several years at this point.

To be fair I wouldn't consider someone married to my brother as actual family either. Just married to a family member

Frogshoe · 28/10/2023 23:10

My Mil gave her new puppy the same name as my DS

when I had a miscarriage she told me she didn’t really want another grandchild anyway

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 28/10/2023 23:14

pumpkinpiee · 28/10/2023 18:12

After telling her I was pregnant (first grandchild) she told me she wouldn’t love our baby more than she loves her son

What's wrong with that? I would expect a MIL and any grandparent to love their grandchildren the exact same as their child, not more!

Whisperingangel1 · 28/10/2023 23:17

Oh and I forgot to add MIL once said to me (whilst pointing at my engagement ring) "I should wear that".........
Absolute nut job

fixies · 28/10/2023 23:19

My mil is lovely and I really can't badmouth her. But there is one bone of contention... the fact I kept my surname. 😂

She writes my name as Mrs x in all correspondence- even if it's just for me)like a birthday card. She came to stay recently at half term and I heard her telling my kids that my name was 'mrs x'. Not just once but a good few times. My son knows my name is something else and then started calling me mrs x to sort of wind me up!

Anyway, I said nothing. Like I said, she's a stellar mil. And reading stuff on here just highlights how lucky I am.

kurotora · 28/10/2023 23:23

MIL is Vietnamese so there was always going to be a cultural difference but I don’t think these are.

”When are you going to get a proper job” (and variations of this, I am self employed but make more than her son)
Making a big show of giving me chopsticks at dinner then sighing and taking them away to hand me a fork, even though I’m okay with them.
”DD says she loves me most, she wants to only stay here” (she’s never stayed over)
”You love your cats more than DD”
”DD says she doesn’t miss mummy when she’s at work”
”DD loves me then FIL then daddy”
”DD can talk when she’s with me, you do something wrong” (when DD was about 12-18 months)
“You very very lucky girl to be part of this family, your family is so poor”
”You very lucky DH marry you because you now have a real family”
”Why is your car so old and cheap”

Thus week being half term she wanted to take DD into town, DH said okay but don’t buy her anything, we have got her Christmas stuff already. She took DD straight to the Entertainer and bought her what she wanted most, which of course was her main big gift this year. She’s done this before and I’m pretty sure it’s just so she scores points with DD at our cost. I already had the gift and had to return it.

She’s such a witch of a woman that her own sister in the UK cut her off for rudeness - they were each other’s only family here in the UK.

As for DD, she came home recently and said “MIL lies.” Yep, spot on sweetheart.

DH tolerates and ignores but culturally has to care for his parents as eldest son.

She’s still not as evil as one of my ex’s mums though. She never said anything that wasn’t dripping in sweetness though, she was just weird and venomous!

SheDrivesMeCrazy · 28/10/2023 23:23

Nothing compared to some of these, but I find it intensely irritating... Whenever DC or I are ill, MIL messages me, ostensibly to check how we are, but mainly to say that she really hopes my DH doesn't catch whatever it is (even if it's something as minor as a cold).

One time, my two DC and I all came down with a stomach bug while DH was travelling for work and literally on the other side of the world. MIL was desperately worried about DH because "there's nothing worse than being ill when you're away from home!" When last heard of, DH had been sipping fizz in the business lounge. I told her not to worry, he was just fine! She didn't pick up on the irony at all and just replied, "Oh that's a relief!" 🤣

AndThenTheWolvesCame · 28/10/2023 23:24

In the space of a few weeks DH(30s) was admitted to hospital, we found out I was expecting DC2, I suffered a miscarriage and needed surgery.

We’d found out I was pregnant a few days before DH was taken in. They didn’t know what was wrong and there were lots of tests being run. It was really scary yet not one person in DH’s large, immediate family visited him over the 8 days he was in hospital. My DM and I kept up the visits while I also had DS who was 4 and had just started school 3 weeks before. MIL phoned him to say she had tickets for an event so she wouldn’t be able to make it in to visit. The hospital is 15 mins away from their house.

Soon after DH left hospital we found out I’d had a missed miscarriage. I went in for surgery and had not one call or message from MIL. I saw her for the first time about 2 weeks after and she said that she didn’t contact me as she didn’t know what to say. Then she told me she’d had a MMC and the same surgery so it baffled me that she couldn’t empathise in the slightest.

Mamma2017 · 28/10/2023 23:25

“You want 5 bridesmaids?? Tacky”

DyslexicPoster · 28/10/2023 23:41

Also when I disclosed child abuse by my mum, mil said 'you must have deserved it' I can see why so many people never discuss historical abuse. Not being believed is one thing, but saying I deserved it was another level of trama. If I did 1/4 of the things my mum did to me you bet your life mil would be horrified. But it's just me, so it's OK.