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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I hadn't really thought about this before until thread in AIBU

133 replies

Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 08:02

I have a house with a friend for several years now. I think he's attractive but definitely not in a romantic sense. He is absolutely not in love with me so this is nothing that could hurt him. It doesn't hurt him either as I would be delighted if he found a nice girlfriend.

But it's been only this year that I have tolerated some sexual activity because I wanted to chat. I'm not outgoing but I do like chatting!

It's best to talk to him about it really so that we're absolutely clear? I think he knows that I'm fine with messing around a little when I'm in a talkative mood. Definitely not full sex. It is a complete trade off really!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 28/10/2023 08:05

I'm not sure I can picture what you mean. Do you usually spend time together in silence?

But yeah, if you're blurring boundaries then it's probably time for a chat

AgnesX · 28/10/2023 08:06

You want to chat but he only wants sex? Not much of a friend if that's the case.

babyproblems · 28/10/2023 08:08

youre a FWB so you can chit chat?? Unless you like him, I would just join some hobby groups! Xx

LylaLee · 28/10/2023 08:10

He'll only talk to you if you give him a bj?

Boomboom22 · 28/10/2023 08:10

This is very weird. He does fancy you and surely you do him or how could you?

WineAndFireside · 28/10/2023 08:12

Have I understood this right? You are 'tolerating' sexual activity with your flatmate because sometimes you like his company? How did that even start happening? It sounds really messed up and could make you very unhappy.

Original poster
Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 08:14

AgnesX · 28/10/2023 08:06

You want to chat but he only wants sex? Not much of a friend if that's the case.

Edited

But that's the complete point, he's being manipulative and I am too! I'm not emotionally manipulative but I will let him hold me if I'm feeling talkative.

I think I'd better message him just to make clear he understands the situation.

He has a medical condition which means he can't communicate if he's ill. In which case I stay well clear. Yep I'd better message. I think he knows what's going on but it's better to make sure.

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 28/10/2023 08:21

I think he knows what's going on but it's better to make sure.

Phew!! Good to know that at least 1 person knows what's going on... 🤔

LuckOfTheDrawer · 28/10/2023 08:21

OP, it's quite unclear what the situation is from what you've written.

I think you should have a face to face discussion with him to make sure you're both on the same page.

NewYorkBride · 28/10/2023 08:22

You co-own a house with him?

Finestreason · 28/10/2023 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Anewuser · 28/10/2023 08:25

This isn’t real. Not in that writing style.

Original poster
Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 08:26

Oh I've sent the message to him now and think I made it quite clear.

He obviously wants physical interaction, I get lonely and want to chatter. There's an obvious clash and both of us have different agendas. We are friends however, it's just that we're in different situations. I would care that he's well and happy.

OP posts:
Finestreason · 28/10/2023 08:27

Anewuser · 28/10/2023 08:25

This isn’t real. Not in that writing style.

I think an AI MN supportive rehab corner might be in order. There are many many of these bollocks out and about on this site. It’s shite.

I guess sniffing them out is the new troll hunting.

Original poster
Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 08:37

Finestreason · 28/10/2023 08:27

I think an AI MN supportive rehab corner might be in order. There are many many of these bollocks out and about on this site. It’s shite.

I guess sniffing them out is the new troll hunting.

Show quote history

Huh?? No this is real! It got me thinking a bit after reading a thread in AIBU about a text her boyfriend sent his friend.

So just made me think I should clarify things with my not-boyfriend. I can understand why boundaries have been blurred as he probably needs a girlfriend and I'm getting bored studying and working from home. Message has been sent now anyway.

Signed Sergeant Bot (not)

OP posts:
CountryStore · 28/10/2023 08:41

Oh, is it AI that makes all these odd threads? That explains a lot

Thebigblueballoon · 28/10/2023 08:44

Yer what?! Are you saying that you like to have a chat, so you’ll tolerate wanking him off for the sake of a gossip?!

Original poster
Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 08:45

CountryStore · 28/10/2023 08:41

Oh, is it AI that makes all these odd threads? That explains a lot

Is my writing style really that weird? I didn't know how to describe an atypical situation.

I've sent the message and I'll speak to him when he gets up. I think he knows that we're both coming at it from different angles, just want it to be clear.

OP posts:
Finestreason · 28/10/2023 08:46

CountryStore · 28/10/2023 08:41

Oh, is it AI that makes all these odd threads? That explains a lot

Yep. Sadly. Fucking bollocky shite, it is.

Original poster
Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 08:52

Thebigblueballoon · 28/10/2023 08:44

Yer what?! Are you saying that you like to have a chat, so you’ll tolerate wanking him off for the sake of a gossip?!

I didn't say wanking off, that's in your imagination

OP posts:
SuperSange · 28/10/2023 08:55

Well you haven't actually given any clarity whatsoever, so you can't really complain if people try to fill in the gaps.

Thebigblueballoon · 28/10/2023 08:58

Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 08:52

I didn't say wanking off, that's in your imagination

Show quote history

You might as well have.

Original poster
Tonight1 · 28/10/2023 09:02

SuperSange · 28/10/2023 08:55

Well you haven't actually given any clarity whatsoever, so you can't really complain if people try to fill in the gaps.

I never said anything about wanking. That is PP's mind and was grossly inappropriate.

I let him hold me a couple of times and hold my breasts. Brief kiss. And yes that was because I needed to talk so we were both manipulative as we're not in love with each other.

I've dealt with it now as I've messaged him and been quite stark. Not in a nasty way.

There are some strange people on here.

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 28/10/2023 09:07

You being the strangest OP!

Justcallmebebes · 28/10/2023 09:12

"There are some strange people on here."

They're surely are, hun Confused