What is your view/experience on men being providers and SAHM (traditional)

[amanda2k4]

I have friends in the USA where it seems to be more common for the male to go to work full time, pay all the bills, the woman will ensure that there is a hot meal ready/peaceful life & clean house/children are looked after. I even know women that work full time and do not contribute to the bills, but there man still expects the traditional wife role duties. This seems to work well. I mean the woman get to spend there money on what they like... sounds good to me! lol however I always wonder at what expense does this come at? Is the husband an a$$hole? kicks off if the house is dirty / it is expected you do not socialise with friends etc..

I am interested in where people sit with this? Would you love to be a SAHM if your husband could afford - but run the risk of always relying on him for everything OR would you much prefer contributing your fair share and splitting up household chores and going to work?!

I see more and more of these posts where men keep complaining they want a "traditional woman" and they go to work 5 days a week to provide and ensure she has a roof over her head, all the bills are paid, she can stay home, but seem to expect a hot meal/no complaining/to do what they want outside of work in return - I mean is that fair enough? - would that work for you??

@Comedycook why? because you disagree, it's not vile!

We both buy what we want whenever we want, usually discuss if the cost is more than £100. I'm free to book whatever I want for personal benefit in terms of hair or beauty treatments. He wouldn't dream of questioning my management of the household. I know what all the bills are and he certainly wouldn't query my supermarket purchases. If I didn't organise them holidays wouldn't happen. We decide where we want to go jointly usually, if someone has a preference then that might lead us in that direction, but it's all about discussion and compromise. It probably helped that we'd been together 8 years before marriage and 11 before we had children, so we knew each other pretty well.

You know men have really done a number on womankind...leaving them high and dry so that so many of you are forced to work in case he fucks you over financially. Bet most of you do all the housework too. Therefore men are rewarded with 1950s style housewives who work too and this is apparently progress....

The choice to continue not being reliant on a man's income.

I'm in a traditional set up - some part time work would be welcome now children are at school. However not found anything suitable (term time only) so that it doesn't negatively impact on my DC. DH does plenty round the house.
Need to start valuing any SAHP and the role they play in running the house/children and what it involves.

I'm not forced to work, I absolutely choose to! Strange choice of words from you. I think if anyone is stuck in the 1950s its you!

Thats not an answer. If you had a child who was so disabled that there was no suitable childcare...what would you do?

Telling a mother of a disabled child they're just making excuses for not working is disgusting.

It is down to the individual. We fought for women's rights so they could make a choice. They now have this and should be able to choose with no criticism .

Where the fuck did I say that? If you're going to make up shit at least make it accurate! That's your total interpretation.

@Comedycook

Everyone needs their own bank account and share of the home ,
not all marriages last for ever, keep your own life rolling in some way independently
trust me it will make you a better mother and partner
relying on anyone else for your financial security is bonkers

Excuses excuses

The attitudes of some of the women on here are truly stuck in the dark ages

You said this in response to the poster who talked about having a disabled child.

How should I have interpreted it?

If I had a child that was disabled and there was no suitable childcare then, after discussion, the chances are my husband would stop work and do the caring and I would continue working since I am the higher earner.

What makes you think a sahm doesn't have her own bank account or have her name on the deeds of the home? Most women will have worked prior to having kids and will have made a contribution to the house

👍🏻

Either way someone has to give up work

@Comedycook
I am responding to the OPs question about whether it is ever acceptable to be a SAHM!
It has fuck all to do with a mother of a disabled child, YOU are being disabalist!

There is absolutely no problem at all.

Slightly winds me up that in this modern day of feminism and female choice, women are still judged if they decide to be a SAHM.

The absolute ridiculous irony!

Are you serious, what is feminist about staying at home cooking and cleaning and relying on a man's income?

But you replied "excuses, excuses" after quoting the poster who spoke about having a disabled child...are you new here?

No, are you?

You're not a very nice person are you, I'd use your term, vile! Vile anti-disability person.

There's no right or wrong answer here. It's an arrangement that's solely up to the couple and what works for one couple may not work for another.

I'm a sahm, was a sahw/student before we had children. DH earns the money and I'm in charge of the finances. I run the household and am the main carer for our children. We have a cleaner but when she can't come then DH cleans the bathrooms. I cook on weekdays and alternate between cooking DH's favourites and the kids' favourites for dinner. On weekends if we're not dining out then DH does the cooking. I supervise the children's homework and spelling, etc but on weekends DH brings them swimming and spends time practising their musical instruments with them.

I have always been happier being with the kids than working, and DH is ambitious and career driven and takes pride in being able to provide for us. We have also always believed that it's better to have a sahp when the kids are little. We ended up in traditional roles but it works for us.

For me, I think being a SAHM is probably nice in parts but ultimately a bit of a trap. But a lot of people are content with focusing on raising their kids and running their home, and in a good family set up, that’s a great thing.

But money is freedom. And keeps you safe as a woman and a mum. I value that hugely. It also means I can pursue more than I could if I was a SAHM. But I’m lucky, and can make not just basic money but good money. I guess my choices might be compromised if my potential earnings were so low that childcare took a lot of them.

Don't talk nonsense.

You quoted the post mentioning a disabled child and commented "Excuses, excuses".

Did you not mean to quote that particular post?