What one weird thing has killed a relationship stone dead in an instant for you?

[talkingmongoose]

Just something that told you there was nooooo future?

I was seeing a chap quite some years ago, pre DH. We had been dating about a year, and were getting into bed at his place when I mentioned that I had my period, just in a casual 'so no rumpy-pumpy tonight' kind of way. The issue had never come up before.

He went all pale with disgust, said 'I wish you hadn't told me that', and proceeded to sleep on the floor.

Utter, utter twunt, I never returned his calls after that. Lucky escape.

At sixth form (early 90s), I was 'seeing' this guy who was very wet sweet, and knowing it wasn't going anywhere but it was a week before Valentines and I didn't want to be a shit.

So I gave him a bear saying something like "You are so lovely" .

He proceeded to call it Rio - after the Duran Duran song. Apparently it made him think of me - dancing on the sand (wtf) I still feel a little bit sick when I think of it.

I once went out with a guy who announced after I had 'pleasured' him orally - 'wow, that was the second best blow job I have ever had' - thing is I stayed with him a bit longer - hmmm!

oh, overcooked...you should get a framed certificate for your clear expertise there

What a twat!

I have to add this although I feel bad for the guy in question.....

Lovely bloke, been dating him a while but not shagged him. Takes me out to the theatre to watch 'A Play With No Words', I shit you not, we sat in fucking silence for two hours, me wishing I could make myself disappear into thin air and float out of the door.

Anyway, after two hours of not daring to breathe in case I made too much noise, said play finished and I ran for the door we left.

We went on for dinner and drinks and then for the first time back to his, and eventually into bed. God he was fit as fuck, great body, tall, handsome, smelt gorgeous, well dressed..... (shallow Mouse, real shallow )

BUT........ he had the world's smallest dick. I looked at and waited, and played with it and waited, fiddled a bit more and waited. I plucked up the courage to ask him if I wasn't turning him on...

He said, 'Babe, I'm rock hard and ready for you, come on.....'

I swear to Jeff his cock was so small, it actually didn't rise above his pubic hair.

I know I'm cruel and mean and shallow and may get flammed for this but oh my days, there was no way I could stay with him.

MOUSEY you are so fickle, you could have stayed with him and bought yourself the biggest toy imaginable for your bottom drawer

Jessica - I might have known you'd read my shallow confession post!

Are you calling me a bucket fanjo a larger lady in the furry front garden department?

I'll have you know I have excellent pelvis floor muscles, I just can't find them anymore

While I was a postgrad I was seeing one guy who lived in Brum while I was in the East Midlands. He was loaded, had a huge house and a posh car, I was totally skint. The one weekend I stayed over at his house I found I couldn't get back home on the Sunday because of engineering works on the railway line. Being the complete gentleman he was he refused point blank to drive me back home (it would have taken 50 minutes I swear). Unbale to go direct, I had to get three trains and wait two hours on Loughborough station - freezing cold (right to the bone) and slightly hungover - knowing I had a pile of student marking waiting for me on my desk at home.

I refused to take his calls or answer his email after that but every anniversary of that weekend for a few years he would contact me to ask if I would be his fuckbuddy.

dj - What a pig! I can't believe he thought you'd be up for a fuck buddy after he did that! Nobber.

once saw a slightly chubby lad, but he thought he was mr universe, think back to late 80s bros,thick wooly jumper tucked in his tightly belted baggy jeans.
he had a clapped out XR3 and a flat in a rough area, his top chat up line was "i have a multi gym in my spare bedroom"
he didn't last long!!!!

darksideofthemooncup I had to google 'golden showers' because I'm an innocent soul - that would have got me running out of there fast!!!
I love this thread.........

My ex-DH buying non-free range eggs.

His excuse? "Oh, we're a bit short this month".

My response? "You evil, selfish bastard".

I knew then that my marriage was doomed. And no, I'm not joking.

um, Marie. It turns out welfare standards for free range chickens are worse than those for barn.

LaWeasel, how can you possibly claim that factory farming is better for chickens than being able to roam free outside? What absolute bollocks.

Now now, this is a thread about shit shags, reasons to never call back and tales of freakish dates.

No need to start a hot cross bun fight about eggs.

Because there was an incredibly long thread about eggs recently, and various people who work in the industry posted. One thing that came out is that with free range barns the dominent chickens block the exits and stop the majority of the chickens going out. And because there welfare standard is based on total accessible space (inside and out) this means conditions inside the barns are more cramped and the rate of fighting and chicken's killing each other is higher.

Just passing it on. You are welcome to believe whatever you like.

I promise I'm not saying anything else mouseface!

In fact would you like to hear more about the guy who was already choosing our imaginary children's boarding schools on the second date?

A few dates later (why, why did I keep saying yes!) he'd been to a job interview to be an investment banker, it was a panel jobbie with 5 people being interviewed at the same time. They were asked if they were given 1k, what they would do with it. The 4 others said high risk invest, he said put it in savings account. And didn't understand why they passed on him for the job!!

What the Jeff LaWeasel??? Did he not read the job title? Investment Banker.... that's slang for Investment Wan....

I couldn't work it out either! He kept asking people what they would have done and being really upset that no one else thought putting the money in savings was a good idea. [shakes head]

He was so hot but such a nob-end it fizzled out very quickly.

(He's an accountant now!)

That figures!

(see what I did there, accountant, figures?)

I went on a Internet date he was really handsome and quite fit went for a coffee getting on so well chatting away

Him:I have to get going soon

Me:oh we are getting on so well

Him: I have an appointment with my probation officer at 4

I knew then it could never work.

First time was going to have sex with then bf - he pointed to a wicker basket in his bedroom that was filled with vibrators/dildos etc and said "start yourself off - I'll be back in 10 minutes"! Then left me in bed...aah the romance. Needless to say I was gone in less than 10 minutes.

Pardon
was that not you "came" and went in less than 10 minutes

There was the guy I worked with, in his mid-20's who acted like a 14yo. After a couple of dates he mentioned marriage, we'd never got beyond a grope FFS! I let him know it wasn't going to happen and he made me stop the car at a payphone, made a call, and came back to the car saying he'd spoken to 'someone he knew' who could arrange for him to leave the country. He thought he was James bloody Bond.

I dumped him the next day. At work the next week I passed him on the stairs, he was heading for the roof and announced loudly that he was going to jump off. I told him to check before he jumped to make sure he wouldn't land on anyone. (he was back at his desk in five minutes)

The hunk who I, along with all the other girls, lusted after for weeks. We finally went on a date, he was gorgeous, had a fab night then went home for the 'main event'. He went down on me for about 30 seconds, said 'I only do that if I really really fancy someone', then proceeded to hump me with the smallest dick known to man. I honestly wanted to ask if it was 'in'. I couldn't tell.

And the DP I'd lived with for three years then I moved out for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which was his habit of leaping on the couch at totally random moments, crouching down with his hands over his face, and wiggling his fingers shouting "ratsie! ratsies!" . We saw each other sort of casually for a couple of months afterwards, I was hoping that with a bit of distance we could pick things up again, then one evening during foreplay he pushed me onto my back, stuck his forefinger all the way up my fanjo, pulled it out, held it up and annouced "I love you, every little bit of you!" and then proceeded to stick his finger in his mouth and suck it clean.