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Original poster

What one weird thing has killed a relationship stone dead in an instant for you?

550 replies

talkingmongoose · 08/03/2008 22:11

Just something that told you there was nooooo future?

I was seeing a chap quite some years ago, pre DH. We had been dating about a year, and were getting into bed at his place when I mentioned that I had my period, just in a casual 'so no rumpy-pumpy tonight' kind of way. The issue had never come up before.

He went all pale with disgust, said 'I wish you hadn't told me that', and proceeded to sleep on the floor.

Utter, utter twunt, I never returned his calls after that. Lucky escape.

OP posts:
deburca · 11/04/2011 21:10

the one who knelt down straight after we had sex to "ask for forgiveness" - RUN!!!!!

HumanRemains · 11/04/2011 21:12

One chap, during our first shag, went down on me with a mouthful of Wrigleys. I spent the rest of the date cutting chewing gum out of my pubes with a pair of nail scissors (this was in the 80's when bushes were bigger!). He wasn't in the least bit sorry, and even suggested he spray my lady garden with WD40 as that gets chewing gum out of anything apparently.

garlicbutter · 11/04/2011 21:12

God, deburca!! Shock
Oops, wrong expletive ...

deburca · 11/04/2011 21:14

garlic you have no idea!! i didnt tell anyone for about 2 years I found it so weird, I could never work out if he was asking for forgiveness because it was so good or so bad - answers on a postcard! lol

deburca · 11/04/2011 21:15

HumanRemains I am actually on the floor laughing at that! hilarious

HumanRemains · 11/04/2011 21:18

Oh, and there was the Canadian Ice Hockey Player who threw a really skanky 'Moose' beer towel at me, and said "Mop yourself up with that darlin". I've never felt so special.

God, I'm loving this thread!

fuzzywuzzy · 11/04/2011 21:19

Humanremains, in the event you ever get with that partiular ex again, then keep a jar of peanut butter handy, peanut butter gets gum out of hair..... Altho I have never tried it on hair in that particular area!!!!

deburca · 11/04/2011 21:20

oh gd! lol. My friend had a guy who literally honked when he orgasmed. She was living in shared accommodation the time and the looks she would get from her flatmates were hilarious!

she dumped him in the end - couldnt stick it any longer

deburca · 11/04/2011 21:21

Or the male friend of mine who dated a girl and discovered during sex that she shaved her nipples and had nipple stubble! yuck

HumanRemains · 11/04/2011 21:23

Top tip Fuzzy! I shall carry a sachet of Sunpat in my handbag for any future possible encounters with Wrigley chewers!

peeriebear · 11/04/2011 21:31

Another guy whose parents set me up with him (they drank in the pub where i worked and there was a lot of "Ooh you'd love our boy, when he comes home we'll bring him in!" he was in the army). I did meet him and he seemed sweet and was a good looking bloke.
After about a week I was round his house (his parents in full welcoming-to-bosom spate) and he made a remark about something, and I playfully swatted his hair in an "oh you!" fashion- not remotely hard- the temperature dropped ten degrees and he very rigidly and icily told me never to hit him again, EVER. His mum came into the kitchen and he said I'd hit him on the head Shock her response was "Ooh no, he won't like that, you'll get him wound up!"
How I ran. He was a good shag too.

overthehillmum · 11/04/2011 22:44

The guy who on our first date told me his mum had committed suicide, that his sister was in an institution, that his brother was in jail, then that he was on anti depressants, then pulled his wallet out and asked me if I had welcomed Christ into my life and showed me his photos of Jesus and the Virgin Mary.

The guy who on our second date, after some general conversation told me that we couldn't ever get serious, I had mentioned that I had been sterilised, as he was searching for the the mother of his future children, at least he knew what he wanted but Shock

The guy who on our fourth date casually announced that he liked to be dominated and would I tie him to the bed and whip him whilst he wore stockings.

The guy that spent ages chatting me up, at work, was arranging to meet him when he suggested meeting somewhere quite far away because he didn't want his wife to find out!!!

garlicbutter · 12/04/2011 00:47

These are getting funnier & funner as wine time goes on!

I have seen comparable threads on menz forums, btw. They start off just as funny, but then descend into poor-me-ism. Geeks, eh? Hmm

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/04/2011 00:57

i was 17

seeing - begrudgingly - a bit of a knob who wanted me to "stay over" at his shared student house - lovely

i made some excuse like i had no night shirt as i really couldnt imagine anything worse

he turned up at my place of work clutching a bag - he had been to the market and bought me the most hidious nightshirt - white with a sequinned tiger on the front -

how i ran.

JaneS · 12/04/2011 01:17

The boy I slept with in my second year of university, who waited until we'd got naked the second night to say 'My mother isn't at all surprised I ended up with an older woman'.

EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

There are probably more, but that's the one that comes to mind.

I love this thread, why isn't it in classics? Grin

AlmightyCitrus · 12/04/2011 01:31

Bloke walked into a club I was in, and every woman in the place went Shock. He was stunning. Tight t-shirt, showing every toned muscle, and a face that would make Brad Pitt feel inadequate. Women going over to him all night, so imagine my surprise when he started chatting me up at the bar. (I've never been the gorgeous type, always a bit of a porker and a slightly alternative style Grin)

Because I was a bit of a tart I went back to his house....and as we got there I realised I knew who he was....are you related to X? I said....."yes, she's my sister" I'd been in the house many a time, during my school years, and this god-like man was my old friends geeky younger brother.

I was slightly perturbed when he woke his parents up to ask if it was OK if "a girl" stayed over. Then even more so when I realised he had a really tiny penis. Bless him, he tried to make an effort, but it really didn't do anything for me. I made my excuses and left as soon as was politely possible.

He still lives with mummy and daddy, and is sadly no-longer fit and gorgeous....in fact, Johnny Vegas is more him now. Shame. Nice bloke, just not where it counted.

darksideofthemooncup · 12/04/2011 01:40

Then there was Gav....where do I start (deep breath) the most ARROGANT man I have ever met. He had the body of a twelve year old boy but was utterly convinced that he was an adonis. He kept on telling me that I was fat ( I am 5'10'' and weighed 9.5 stone wringing wet at the time) Not only did he tuck his tops into his pants at all times, he wanted to me to put make-up on him, wear my underwear and perform, ahem, golden showers

Oh and he was addicted to fruit machines. The day he stumbled up to me drunk as a skunk clutching a money bag full of fruit machine tokens in lieu of our rent money was the day the scales fell from my eyes. I was out of there and out of our flat in two hours flat. He found me on facebook and I added him out of morbid curiosity. Still.A.Twat.

darksideofthemooncup · 12/04/2011 01:50

Oh and Jake, FANTASTIC shag but thick as mince. In love with his ex (aren't they all) . He used to tell me he was going to ravage' me, and he kept saying it ravage' shudder. Every cell in my body wanted to bop him on the nose with a newspaper and say `ravish, you want to RAVISH me' but I was young and far to polite.

His only physical flaw was pubey black hairs on his shoulders, which as he was so talented in bed I was willing to overlook. Then I found out he was shagging quite a few other girls so I suggested that he let me shave his hairy shoulders which he did.

I imagine it itched like fuck as it grew back Grin

darksideofthemooncup · 12/04/2011 01:58

Guy - face of an angel and really quite a sweet boy. One day I caught him rubbing his toe jam out and then smelling his fingers.

Bye bye Guy

darksideofthemooncup · 12/04/2011 02:07

And then there was this chap :

www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/real_life/article237810.ece

There are no words

garlicbutter · 12/04/2011 02:29

"Our sex life is much more thrilling since I started covering his head with a paper bag"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAHA!!!!!
Yeah, I've often felt that way too Grin

WMDinthekitchen · 12/04/2011 02:32

Friend went out with hunky fireman, who took her to a gay bar and spent the evening a) looking at the other guys and b) boasting about his designer clothes and shoes. She was so brassed off that when they left she trod on his hand-stitched Italian shoes and went home. A few weeks later he rang and invited her to have a shower with him as he had an hour to spare before he went on duty. He couldn't understand why she refused!

GooseyLoosey · 12/04/2011 03:03

The guy who came back to my flat and whilst I was on the loo donned my rubber gloves from the kitchen and divested himself of all else. I shrieked and retreated to the loo to ponder my course of action. I re-emerged armed with a nail file. To be fair, he looked as puzzled about the file as I was about the gloves and hastily left. No doubt he will be posting futher up the thread about the wierd woman he once met!

darksideofthemooncup · 12/04/2011 03:31

I feel I should add that I am not featured in this article and he never put a bag on my head when I was going out with him. Oh and he dyes his hair, he is really ginger

expatinscotland · 12/04/2011 07:42

Holy shit, darkside! That Phil thing is creepy.