What one weird thing has killed a relationship stone dead in an instant for you?

[talkingmongoose]

Just something that told you there was nooooo future?

I was seeing a chap quite some years ago, pre DH. We had been dating about a year, and were getting into bed at his place when I mentioned that I had my period, just in a casual 'so no rumpy-pumpy tonight' kind of way. The issue had never come up before.

He went all pale with disgust, said 'I wish you hadn't told me that', and proceeded to sleep on the floor.

Utter, utter twunt, I never returned his calls after that. Lucky escape.

He told me I looked ridiculous in a fake fur hat.

In that one moment I understood that he was threatened by my moving away from the norm, he did not want me to try new things, he was happy to put me down and insult my appearance, he was uncomfortable being seen with me not in our informal 'uniform' of jeans and t-shirts, he was a tosser. I left the pub without even finishing my drink and never saw him again.

One who asked my parents permission to have underaged sex with me ( I was 14 and no where near ready)

The one with the pencil dick - seriously, I couldnt feel a thing, it was awful.

The one who quoted starwars in a Yoda like voice, before we even started.

The one who then decided to tell me he had 2 kids and an ex who was prone to fighting with anyone he dated, even went after me with a knife.

The one who said I didnt earn enough money to gain respect from him.

The one who was shagging my MALE flatmate behind my back

The one who called me either pissed, stoned or bored but never bothered to make contact any other time.

Shall I go on.

Oh and thanks a bunch for bringing these memories back up.

ohhh..one more, The one who got his best mate to try on a sexy outfit before he bought it for me. WTF?

OMG an another surpressed memory surfaces...

the one who told me (almost straight after we did the deed) that he'd had a wank over me after a mates party a couple of years before - while he was in bed with his wife!

(They had split up before I started seeing him)

First Date " so how do you think we're getting on ? " then proceeded to waffle on about marriage....

I went to the loo, rang my mate and told her to call me back saying there was an emergency at home

OMG! and the one who asked "if we did get to it, would I mind if his mate watched"

OMG just remembered the guy I went out with in year 9 who told practically the entire school that I had started taking the pill, the implication being that it was because he was having sex with me. We never had sex. He didn't get the chance after that either because I dropped him like a hot potato.

Easterfeaster - you have to tell us the name!

I finished with one bloke because he threw up in my garden.

"I'm a ninja and I tour round Japan with my ninja team. I was also made a lance corporel in Iraq at 16". He lived in council house with his mum claiming benefits. He was also a compulsive liar if you hadn't realised.

One was very TMI vocally in the bedroom. Describing every single thing we were doing. What he could see, hear and SMELL. DUMPED.

Not me, but a friend of mine ended it when he farted into his cupped hand and then sniffed his fingers.

My dad once ended a relationship because the girl didn't know which fork to use (a bit obsessively middle-class my dad!).
The one (who I stayed with) who asked how I'd feel if he really turned into a vampire.
The one I asked if it was 'in yet' while we were at it...I honestly couldn't feel a thing. I felt like a bitch for years afterwards but I couldn't go back there again.

fabs
Won't write the name in case they google it and I am outed, but will give necessary clues.
The surname of the person who wrote 'on the road' Jack .
as a first name.

.

PM me please. I need a laugh .

I was just about to start a thread about the same thing! Mine was with an ex of mine who was very tidy. We were just getting down to having sex and when he took my clothes off he proceeded to fold them neatly, put them on hangers and hang them up in the wardrobe. And then he did the same to his clothes.

The moment was gone for me!

The one who woke me up in the middle of the night be chucking pebbles at my bedroom window to show me a weirdy poem he'd written for me about us being together which had drop of HIS BLOOD on it.

The one who pissed behind the radiator in my bedroom while sleepwalking.

The one who said my cat was annoying. He may have had a point but I bloody loved that cat. And he was a dullard anyway.

The two-bob daytime tv presenter who thought he was A-list and went on about all his celebrity mates all day, which would probably have impressed some girls, but something told me he was bullshitting somewhat. I think he took things too far when he said he had Prince William's mobile number. The final nail on this hilarious date was when he popped out of the restaurant mid-meal to buy a copy of the Daily Mail...

There are more buried somewhere in my subconscious, but not sure if I can face dredging them up!!

Fabs hope it made you laugh

This is me > .

The one who paused while we were having a snog and said: "Well you're a hungry little sex kitten aren't you?"

Other crimes, same bloke: writing reams of bad poems about Jim Morrison & making me read them with him there; & saying "sest la vye" all the time (as in c'est la vie)

shudder

How did this not manage to get into classics. It's wonderful!

Hmm let me see - bodybuilder BF who insisted on having sex in the mishposish so he could work on his pecs at the same time.

Long term BF who I discovered had been trained by his mother, not only to sit to pee but to sit on the pan having lifted the seat so he did not soil it. Seats are for girls apparently

but ex-p who had a tummy apron more suited to post natal mums of triplets which swallowed his (inadequate) todger entirely, so it was like playing peekaboo even to find the thing.

Ex who could only get a hard on if Genesis was playing (need I say more?)

The one who ordered a massive meal at a cheapy restaurant that meant they brought a sort of table extension thingy to pile all the food on. It had a fried egg in it and he ate like a pig. Plus he had luminous coloured socks. Plus he went to the barber and then didn't shower and had bits of hair on him when I went round. Also he didn't laugh at the 'Farmer's own seed' sign or seem to get why I was laughing.

The one who took me back to his house and then got his little box of newspaper clippings out to show me, outlining his time as a football hooligan and the people he had beaten up. He thought it would impress me.

The one who was a student who was about a foot and a bit taller than me and I saw people sniggering as we walked down the street.

It probably didn't make classics as MN didn't have classics in 2008 .

I have had semen encrusted letters with little arrows to the stains and not minded maybe I am the odd one!! or should that be [wank] (ore than one bloke did this oddly !!)

I dont like them when they try to be cute

I am the sweet one - you need to be ALL man !!!

The one who whispered romantically "I'm going to split you in half",
"Not with that you're not" I smiled back.

brilliant!!!!!

Some of these are scary, Some are funny.

I slightly regret not having anything to add, but realising that I would have to actually live through it (and not just relate it as a story) I'm glad I don't have anything to add.