Snoring - I’m so tired and angry that this is my life now

[TeenLifeMum]

Has anyone found a solution to snoring?

i love dh - he’s great in so so many ways but this morning I yelled and cried. I’m so bloody tired. Our dc are teens and so we’re beyond the waking in the night stage but I rarely get a full night of sleep because he’s started snoring. It used to only be when he had a cold but now it’s every night.

He’s been to the gp and saw someone in the ent team in April but still waiting for a referral date for the next step. He chased this morning after my meltdown. So he is trying. He’s using sprays etc and I’ve tried ear plugs but hated those.

I love him but want to kill him at the same time (not actually going to kill him).

I’m sad I don’t want to sleep with dh in the same bed and jealous of my dc with their own bedrooms. No spare rooms as we have 3dc in a 4 bed house.

I’m just so tired and struggling to accept this is my life now.

I absolutely hear you. Me and DH are in separate rooms due to this. Even after he had a deviated septum operated on he snores. It's worse when he's had a drink. Sometimes a fan can create enough white noise that it helps.

Sofa bed or sofa chair in the office.
Best thing we bought- far cheaper than a divorce.

Get a mandibular advancement device (MAD) while he waits for the referral. This is just one example I found: https://sleeppro.com/products/sleeppro-easifit?variant=17779528073286&gclid=Cj0KCQjwhL6pBhDjARIsAGx8D59TNNK0DqGSmtZEomxtSPk8VxPm_J8wtmnI2z6Im9hjgwD2DGRjSVkaAiiNEALw_wcB.

They work by slightly pushing the lower jaw forward so the tongue can’t flop back and narrow the airway.

It’s hard to explain but I found the ear plugs emphasised the muffled sounds inside my head so while I didn’t hear him I could hear different constant muffle noise that I hated more than snoring.

i really can’t sleep in the living room long term because it would impact on others in the house. I might suggest dd3 has a sleepover with her sister in her bunk bed at weekends and I’ll have her bed. Just feels like I’m not giving her privacy though.

He isn’t over weight but has had polyps removed twice so I know there’s an issue. If I fall asleep first it’s okay because I sleep like a log but I’m taking a while to drop off at the moment. Maybe that’s the change rather than him.

cpap is what we’re thinking but he’s been on the list since April and waited a year to see ent before being allowed on the list. I feel selfish making it about me because he’s so caring and if he could control it I know he would.

DP snores and I also had no luck with ear plugs. None of them seem to block out anywhere near enough sound!

My solution the last two years has been noise cancelling wireless headphones and listening to relaxing music through them. It’s been the most consistently successful thing for us to continue to sleep together

Ear plugs are different from noise cancelling headphones. I can't hear a thing while I'm wearing mine.

A combination of ear plugs, sleeping in different rooms and him using those nasal vent things.

I snore and have tried various things to stop it (am not overweight, sprays didn't work, and the mouth guards were incredibly painful). I think it is just to do with the shape of my jaw. Anyway, DP can sleep through it (I wouldn't be able to!) but one thing we do is I let her go to bed first and stay up till she's likely to be asleep. Could your husband try that? It might mean he is staying up later than he wants, especially as you say you are taking a while to drop off at the moment, but even if he ends up getting an hour less sleep than he wants, he'll be less knackered than you are.

The other thing we do is sleep in separate rooms if we find neither of us is getting to sleep for some reason. I'd probably go for a sofabed or chair bed of the type that has the mattress inside the frame (i.e. not a clic-clac) so you can keep it made up with sheets and just go there in the middle of the night if desperate, with no faffing. It wouldn't need to be a permanent solution, since you don't want to occupy the living room all the time, but would be there for when you are desperate.

Try topping and tailing if you have to share a bed. It makes a difference having a bit of distance ie a couple of feet away rather than a few inches away.

If he has a collar size over 17 inches then losing weight may help , as will giving up smoking /cutting down on alcohol if appropriate. Singing, playing a wind instrument or blowing up balloons also helps , strangely enough.

If he has nasal polyps does he use any nasal sprays as often they are associated with allergies and if he has had them removed twice that may be a factor?

Home fitted mandibular advancement devices are ok for short term use to see if they work but can potentially move teeth and cause jaw problems so for long term use see a dentist who can fit one. However they will want your husband to have been to a sleep clinic to rule out sleep apnoea which is a serious health problem which is best treated by cpap. Also advancement devices are not available on the NHS and will cost around £500 upwards.

Good luck.

my husband currently on the sofa most nights - he has always snored - and like you once i was asleep it wouldn't wake me - however i'm currently pregnant and seem to wake up hourly for a wee and then can't get back to sleep cus of the snoring

can't wear ear plugs as want to be able to hear my toddler if she wakes up in the night

it's crap and he can't live on the sofa long term either - no idea what the solution is

I feel your pain, really. DH has the loudest snore ever. He is the sweetest man ever but the snoring is vile, obnoxiously loud and lasts most of the night (small airways). There's nothing he can do about it, all his family are snoring monsters. The constant sleep deprivation is not good for you.

Ear plugs don't really help me, as the sound is so bad it reverberates through the bed and pillows and is just an all-encompassing racket. Foam ones are uncomfortable and probably not a long-term solution. Boots do some deep sleep ones in a blue box, they were a bit better. White noise helps muffle it, but not if he's in the same room.

In the end we have separate bedrooms. If it was good enough for Lizzie and Phil then its good enough for me. Everyone gets a good sleep, everyone is happy. I value my sleep too much. There's no shame in it.

If you have three children, then at least two are the same sex - so they can share and you get your own room. You pay the mortgage and if they don't like it, that will be an incentive not to be living at home when they're 30! You are entitled to sleep.

Does he only snore when on his back? Years ago I read that stitching a bobbin (sewing thread bobbin) to the back of the pjs mean they won't lie on their backs so could try that.
I would have a second mattress on the floor for you to move to, we have quite a high bed so I'd be out of range there with the bed and some extra distance between him and me. Probably also an ear plug (on upper ear as I lie on my side).

I snore when lying on my stomach and breathing through my nose!

However, PPs' suggestions about creating more distance are all good - DP and I disturb each other for various reasons at night but we're both sleeping much better since getting a superking bed instead of a double. If you've space in your room for a bigger bed it might be worth it.

Can you get a fold out desk for your office that leaves enough room for a sofa chair? Sounds like your best bet.

Another vote for CPAP. I snore and CPAP has transformed my life. I paid privately for a test and a machine (it was around £1100 but you could get a cheaper machine). My DP was exhausted and I didn’t realise how tired I was until I slept properly with the machine on.

I feel for you @TeenLifeMum my girlfriend snores like a pneumatic road drill at times & its a good job we don't live together all the time of I would have been dead from sleep deprivation.
She's horrified when I play back recordings I have done of her asleep (she also talks in her sleep)

I know exactly what you mean about ear plugs almost making it worse! But I'm lucky that my ear canals are not small & I have found some in ear buds that allow me to play either music or just relaxing sounds rain/waves without hurting my ears.
Ironically for a short while earlier this year I developed Central Sleep Apnoea where your body just stops telling you to breath and its so utterly terrifying I was afraid to go to sleep!
I honestly considered ending it all, such was the state of my mind due to sleep deprivation, thankfully in hospital they noticed that my over active thyroid had been over treated & had gone into under causing the Apnoea.

Separate rooms. When we didnt have a spare room I would happily sleep on the couch if it meant a nights sleep. We live in a two bed and actually got a double bed for our toddler so DP can share with him, sometimes DC will sleep in my bed. Works fine and everyone sleeps

If I fall asleep first it’s okay because I sleep like a log but I’m taking a while to drop off at the moment. Maybe that’s the change rather than him.

OK, so what's happening is that you're lying awake, waiting for him to start snoring and then not being able to sleep yourself. This is an emotional issue rather than the noise itself; lots of people sleep happily in airports or live next to train lines without a problem but when it's your DH making the noise you get angry, which is guaranteed to keep you awake!

That's not as much as I thought it might be. A good suggestion @TeenLifeMum 🤔 👌🏽

Dh’s snoring isn’t actually that loud and is intermittent but I do have low tolerance - I like to sleep in silence in a pitch black room.

He has allergies/polyps are related so we no longer have cats (waited for them to die aged 17 and 19). He has steroid sprays and snoring sprays.

I’ve measured the study and a single mattress (even ikea small one) won’t fit. It’s essentially a big cupboard with a window.

Re twins sharing - that’s not a long term solution. Yes we pay the mortgage but we moved to a house where they’d have their own rooms because they are so different - different sleep needs, one is very messy the other tidy. I’m considering a shepherds hut in the garden and I’ll move in there! Not really affordable right now though.

Tonight I’m going to sleep before dh and I’ll borrow dd1’s noise cancelling headphones.

@qotsa i don’t have a spare £1100 right now as I need a new car. He’s called and chased the sleep clinic asking for a call back. I know he’s upset and can’t help it so I feel bad I snapped at him. We don’t argue, we just don’t. He did sleep on the sofa last night eventually but by then it was 3am and dd1 was in the shower at 6am to get ready for school. I’m a cow without my sleep so trying not to be.

I do appreciate the suggestions and will try what I can. I’m a 41 year old woman who wants her own bedroom 😩

Foam earplugs are a godsend.
Quite often just laying a hand on a shoulder can disturb the sleep enough for snoring culprit to roll over into a position where they don't snore.
I feel for you though. It's bloody miserable lying awake seething and knowing that the other person can't help it.

Obviously you know your study better than we do, but just to flag up that ikea single mattresses are quite long (200cm) - you could probably get a small single futon elsewhere that would be 185cm if that's any more likely to fit. Otherwise - good luck tonight with the going to sleep first!