Where are the quiet kind men please?

[caffelattetogo]

Sorry, this isn't for me. I have been in the same relationship for years.

But my best mate is having a shit time. She's late 50s and a few months ago found out her partner of 8 years has left her for his affair partner (unknown up until he decided he was off).

She's devastated, as they had plans to retire together etc. before him she was single for 10 years and her children have grown up.

I know she needs to take time to heal, but after that, where can she meet someone? She's reluctant to try online dating or pub and clubs as she is quite quiet and serious (but not boring). All her friends, like me, are married.

I've suggested maybe book clubs or evening classes, but I'm out of my depth as I haven't dated for decades.

Could I ask please, is there anything I can suggest? I'm happy to go to things as her wing woman if that's a thing still?

@Walkonit it's really not daunting in reality, a lot of people are a bit sheepish joining the social groups I'm part of feeling nervous and self conscious. Most people they're meeting have a similar story for joining the groups. Moving, relationship or other life changes. It's not exceptional or anything to be embarrassed about. Join as many different types of things as you need to find what works for you.

Some people take to it, establishing rapport with people, quicker than others but anyone can achieve their goal of establishing a new circle of friends eventually if they stick with it. I don't rate myself as particularly great, but after a few years now I'm involved in a groups in a variety of capacities, in some cases organising or co-organising.

@spookehtooth

Thank you, that's my plan. I do feel torn as I know it's the right thing to do, but also that by doing so I'm somehow drawing a line under my old "family life". Probably just need to not overthink it and go into it all with an open mind and see what feels right and acknowledge when it isn't. Once your step out of the "family" bubble it's eye opening how many people have experienced similar and can offer support in ways you never knew possible. Just seeing friendly faces is really important.

I’d quite like a quiet one too with a low sex drive.

What is it with men and sex? I’m in my 50’s now and OLD and are still sent dick pics (one bloke was almost 70!) and have to block those who get sexual quickly which is most of them!

My mum is 72 and has recently met a lovely man on holiday. It was an organised tour type thing, but not specifically for singles or oldies.

She's been widowed for the last 8 years and had absolutely no intention of meeting another man. She was just enjoying herself, doing the things she loves - travel, art, walking, friendships etc.

Maybe if your friend focused on finding true fulfillment on her own, then she may naturally meet a kindred spirit along the way. Or not, but it wouldn't matter because she'd be thriving without a romantic partner.

@Walkonit I'm an over-thinker myself, it was a big deal going through the process, so I get how it feels. How I describe now is just looking back, based on what I learned. It's probably harder in more remote areas or just less going on. It might take trying out being an organiser of things, if its not something you've done before.
The first 3-4 months were a bit crap, I won't lie, but I got through it, then things picked up gradually over the following 12 months. I remember being invited to meet up with some people outside an organised social group event for the first time and thinking "oh, I got actual friends!" not just people I meet regularly at events

All I can away is any lady is lucky enough to meet men like this

Which is actually a shame for the rest of the men

Pub Quizzes is a good one…I have a fairly regular group that goes and we would welcome anyone with a decent brain, to assist us in our quest to grind every other team in the tri-state area into dust 😂