Where are the quiet kind men please?

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Sorry, this isn't for me. I have been in the same relationship for years.

But my best mate is having a shit time. She's late 50s and a few months ago found out her partner of 8 years has left her for his affair partner (unknown up until he decided he was off).

She's devastated, as they had plans to retire together etc. before him she was single for 10 years and her children have grown up.

I know she needs to take time to heal, but after that, where can she meet someone? She's reluctant to try online dating or pub and clubs as she is quite quiet and serious (but not boring). All her friends, like me, are married.

I've suggested maybe book clubs or evening classes, but I'm out of my depth as I haven't dated for decades.

Could I ask please, is there anything I can suggest? I'm happy to go to things as her wing woman if that's a thing still?

I met my quiet kind partner on OLD. It is not impossible. Just hang in there and keep positive is my advice to her.

@LNY1986 thats absolute nonsense of course they exist!
plus why shouldn’t the OP be with someone if that’s what she wants? What’s with the superior single female crusade… ? 🤷

You've come up with some great ideas, thank you. She wouldn't mind me saying that she is a bit of a geek and that's what she's looking for in a partner.

Where do Warhammer painters hang out please?

Don’t know where Warhammer painters hang out specifically but some other ideas:
Comic convention, First Aid Course, the Library, Art Gallery/Museum tour, Mini Break Tour Groups, Uni course?

Yeah, mine was building Lego or reading SciFi books…. Luckily he was also on Bumble. Now we build Lego and read together 😂

Quoted for truth.

Why must our happiness be based around whether or not we have a man? The effort we put into finding a man would be much better spent nurturing female friendships, taking up hobbies you’ve always wanted to and generally doing things you enjoy. These things will enrich your life way more than a man.

Im only 30 but I’ve really had my share of awful men and I’m pretty resigned to the fact that I don’t want another relationship.

So much patronising bullshit about 'not needing a man'. Nothing the op has posted suggests this woman is desperate for a man and unable to cope on her own. In fact it sounds like she raised her kids on her own after their dad died, spending 10 years on her own. Is it really such an insane idea that she might fancy some male company? Staying single or wanting a relationship are both valid options.

Nerds and/or Goths (there’s quite a significant overlap). Obviously there’s bad eggs everywhere, but there are tons of lovely gentle elder goths out there! But if your friend doesn’t fancy online dating I’d recommend joining groups relating to her interests (book groups, walking groups, archaeology club or whatever) rather than doing something random just to meet a man.

Oh, yes! The goths!

Teddy bears, all of them. Mostly a lovely group of people.

And metal heads. You get a beard to brush and leather jackets have loads of pockets so you don’t need a handbag.

Metal heads love cats though, so you need to be a cat lover.

And where would we find such a man. I’ve seen those shops around but have never been in one.

Ahem. Asking for a friend…

You may also have to spend weekend evenings pretending to be a tiefling bard.

@BCCoach Haha, I'm a human ranger, a DM in another game and a rogue in a third. I was the one who got my husband into DnD though he'd always wanted to play.

I found one in a walking group when we were both 57. He is fairly nerdy ( but so am I tbh) and also makes model aircraft. He is the kindest, most thoughtful man, brilliant at domestic stuff without being asked, good job and own house/ car, AND great in the bedroom.

I know I’m not the only one who has just googled this…

Not looking for a boyfriend but have a very small social circle at the moment and was thinking of getting into a hobby with similar quiet nerdy people.

Quick question though, there appears to be many types of Warhammer.

So should we be looking at Warhammer or Warhammer 40k?

Do I have to learn how to paint? (Just watched a YouTube vid and it looks quite fun!)

Do I have to go into one of those shops to play?

Or is it more if a dungeons and dragons ‘game master’ things?

That's very sad. I suggest your friend prepares to spend some time without a man in her life as she adjusts. If she throws herself into a new relationship she may well be unprepared for what she finds out there and she will be very vulnerable to all kinds of exploitation.
There are a lot of rejects out there looking for a new harbour. Wish her luck.

She needs a massive nerd. I visited war hammer world once and it was full of men myself and mate were the only women @TheLightSideOfTheMoon is spot on. I am also a massive nerd, last night DH and I both played games and did the crossword together. We met working in an academic dept of of a most nerdy maths type subject. Back then it was around. 80% male as well.

My dh is lovely, quiet, kind. Definitely a nerd but not into gaming/Warhammer/lego etc.

If I dropped dead tomorrow and he carried on with his life, he could be found at the sailing club, tennis club or badminton club. He is in a book group but it's an all men one.

Is your friend sporty? Could she join a friendly sports club? My dh loves sport but isn't competitive so is happy to play with anyone of a similar standard, male or female. There must be other men like that around

Warhammer is essentially a tabletop game where you ‘battle’ your opponent.

’Warhammer’ is the umbrella term - there’s 40K, Black Stone Fortress, Necromunda, Underworlds, etc.

I don’t play, but am an artist so help paint figures. I also like the fancy dice.

D&D is a different game as is Magic:The Gathering but they all attract a similar type of person.

Larping is also a laugh as long as you go with the flow and don’t get caught up in how ridiculous you look.

They do exist.

Ask on your local ‘spotted’ groups on FB for other players.

There are some larger groups (I know there’s one in Bath) in cities but mostly they meet up and play at each others houses.

The decent unassuming blokes usually settle down earlier with decent unassuming women, while the loud brash types on both sides are trying to play the field (in their somewhat different ways).

I agree she needs to build back her life as a priority.

You have to learn to be contented enough by yourself first, I think.

What hobbies does she have? What goals does she have for herself over the next year?

(Apart from anything else, how rude to expect a kind quiet single man she's never met to provide all the fulfilment and companionship she hasn't been bothered to sort for herself?).

My uncle met his partner aged nearly 70 on guardian soul mates, and after 3 previous failed marriages, this seems to be it. Both slightly pompous but well-intentioned arty types that do lots of important community things...

He sounds great. Lucky you!