Where are the quiet kind men please?

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Sorry, this isn't for me. I have been in the same relationship for years.

But my best mate is having a shit time. She's late 50s and a few months ago found out her partner of 8 years has left her for his affair partner (unknown up until he decided he was off).

She's devastated, as they had plans to retire together etc. before him she was single for 10 years and her children have grown up.

I know she needs to take time to heal, but after that, where can she meet someone? She's reluctant to try online dating or pub and clubs as she is quite quiet and serious (but not boring). All her friends, like me, are married.

I've suggested maybe book clubs or evening classes, but I'm out of my depth as I haven't dated for decades.

Could I ask please, is there anything I can suggest? I'm happy to go to things as her wing woman if that's a thing still?

Seconding the poster who suggested a wildlife group. They seem to attract nice people, including a high proportion of men usually. She could try her county's Wildlife Trust, or any number of specialised plant or animal groups - with them it would help to have an actual interest in butterflies, bats or whatever, but the Wildlife Trusts organise lots of more general stuff. Also Ramblers or local walking group. Then there is U3A in most towns - they have groups based on interests such as art, history, French, current affairs discussions. What about a choir? Good luck to her.

She could try games workshop.
They either run the place or organise the games evenings.

they (the shop) also do introductory nights, so she could see what she was getting into.

The quiet ones go to quieter places and avoid places like pubs etc.

They usually hang out doing voluntary work and in clubs & societies, etc., where they're more likely to meet like minded "quieter" people, of both sexes.

So rambling clubs, gardening/horticultural societies, volunteering in charity shops (or RNLI shops etc), preservation groups such as railway stations, old theatres, local history/architectural societies, churches, dancing classes, etc. Obviously there are also lots of typically mostly bloke clubs/societies where they may hang out, such as model railway clubs (and other modelling clubs).

One of my OH's friends is quiet and kind and has a very busy social life with various voluntary work, clubs & societies - nearly something every day. He's not actively looking for a lady friend, but wouldn't say no if he met someone with similar interests and outlook. But the one place you'd never find him is in a pub, club or OLD!

This is so true @user1497207191, quiet, thoughtful, cogniscant, gentle, self aware, reflective, kind, responsible, intellligent men are not going to spend their time in pubs and bars with the noisy, low bar, low quality, players and drinking men who frequent these places on a regular basis

The quiet ones go to quieter places and avoid places like pubs etc.

We hang out in pubs with our male friends. They tend to be quieter pubs with good beer and decent food where discussions are held on football, fishing, cars, steam engines, aircraft etc.

I'm sure some do, most don't these days. It may have been true a few decades ago when there were more traditional pubs and people wanted a bit of company. Nowadays, most pubs aren't like that, they've either been turned into restaurants or have regular live bands/quizzes etc so hectic and noisy. The quieter blokes won't be in to small talk and talking to random strangers, they're more comfortable with like minded people, hence hobbies and voluntary work, etc., and of course many won't be drinkers either.

Is your friend based rurally or in a city? Muddy Matches might be worth a try. Otherwise maybe a running or walking club.

I’m not quite in my 50’s & have a young DD7 so I will be remaining single until she leaves.

My plan is to then do lots of Dog walking (meet loads of people doing this already), join a walking group or wildlife group to maybe meet a companion. Would your friend like any of these?

No way I would ever do OLD & if I don’t meet anyone that I like that’s ok too. I’d rather be single than in a less than great relationship. I treat myself well so that’s really all that matters!

I feel exactly this!

I'm a bit younger, but when I was a member of a running club, men of all ages there were very chatty and kind.
Cycling club/car shows/bird watching/history re-enactments/ 80s or 90s music gigs?

(And I do agree with the War Hammer comment.
I once had a very faithful sweet boyfriend who looked like he'd stepped out of there).

Quiet doesn't necessarily mean kind and vice versa.

My dh is lovely and kind and loud 😂

Oh yes and the U3A and ramblers groups. My MIL who is approaching 70 gets asked out frequently by members of both!

God what a weird, snide, holier-than-thou comment.

Or is she one of those that has to have a partner sniffing round her ankles constantly

'Has to have'? Sniffling? I can see why you might want to be alone with that attitude and response to people's legitimate and deep emotional needs!

Have you watched Bellied Up and Charlie Berens? I've seen a few comments from women asking where they can get a good man from the Mid-West 😂

https://www.youtube.com/@bellieduppod

I think she wants quite and kind by the sounds of it, and not someone mouthy or laddish. I do agree with you though that quietness doesn't mean kindness or niceness. So many people make that assumption and plenty of manipulative, nasty fuckers capitalise on it.

The main thing I have to add to this is that geeks & nerds aren't necessary nice nor do they automatically make good partners. There's quite a few entitled incels, misogynists and 'Women don't like nice men like me' self-pitying types in the gaming and geekery world. They objectify women same as lots of other men. Some of them put their niche hobbies or gaming, just like the men who prioritise their cycling or golf over everything else. A woman is there to be a pretty and sociable presence in their life, but they don't consider her an intellectual match to themselves.

I get the impression that the goth world draws some narcissistic arty types as well.

I agree. Sometimes shy actually means socially inept and as such these types are quite often bitter and resentful.

I came on to say this or Dungeons and Dragons!

Haha! I love Charlie Berens. We live in neighboring states and it’s a very similar culture.

I do love a nerdy guy but my last Warhammer playing nerd was a compulsive liar and a creep in the end 😭 good luck op

I've been reading this thread from a different perspective in that I'm a man going through divorce, and the reality that having dedicated myself to family life and all that goes with it, I don't really have much of a social circle these days, and how do I build that back up? It's actually quite daunting as I'm a different person in my late 30's to when I last single, so it's not simply a case of reverting back to what I did before as a younger man. If the day ever comes and I do meet a new partner I doubt it will be via apps or nightclubs!

I'm giving alot of thought on how to build up a social life again and what I want it to entail so it isn't just something I do to pass time when I'm not with/missing my son, but a meaningful adjustment to my life. I'm thinking that joining hobby-based groups seems to be a good start, I've already looked into;

• Running
• Walking / Ramblers
• Pub Quizzers
• Reading/Book groups
• Car enthusiasts
• Volunteering/Charity work
• Pub live music

I dont relish the thought of being the "new" person in a group and the hits/misses that will come with meeting new people, but I know it's a step I have to take. When I was younger I'd see groups out and about and wonder how people of different ages and backgrounds came together, I completely get it now.

Why must people assume that people are basing their happiness on a man.
Plenty of people do everything you say and look for an intimate relationship. Plenty of people want sex and would like a connection to the person they are doing it with.

Looking for a partner is not a sign of something lacking for most people.

Camping or campervan clubs. I’ve met some lovely men on them. Mine is one.

There are such things as boardgame cafes where they run D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) beginners nights. You can go to other sessions also.

MeetUp - for improving social life generally. My current boyfriend was a member of quite a few social groups from meetup - he sees them less recently (house move).
Running - himself runs (slowly) and does Saturday morning Park Run. That's quite sociable and you can use couch to 5k to get up to the required distance.

However I'd say online dating and paying more attention to profiles than to pictures to start yourself off and don't be put off by someone who spends their evenings in Starcraft or Daiblo 4 (which apparently is much better with the new season release!)

You may also want to develop your own nerdy hobbies. I read Sci Fi (always have done), love escape rooms, play the odd computer game, have a love of stationary, do jigsaws, walk (I join park run to walk the dog!) You can't hang with a nerd if you can't join in the nerd-fest... It doesn't need to be the exact same nerdiness you just need an enthusiasm!

My friend has met a lovely man on old

I think it's luck getting the good ones before someone else does but they are out there Usually newly on.

The ones that have been on for years avoid!

Also agree with clubs groups and so on.