Alcoholic husband. Experience of him being removed from home

[The6thQueen]

We’ve come to the end of a long road. I’m done with him drinking. He’s not aggressive with it (occasionally argumentative with me), but mostly just becomes absent and wanders off, can’t look after the kids, talks crap etc. But he’s not with us, he’s drunk. He’s not part of th family.
It’s not normal drinking, he pours vodka down himself to get drunk, not to socialise or enjoy himself.
My 9 year old, today told me she loves daddy, but doesn’t feel safe with him at home, even thought I’m here. She doesn’t like coming across the empty bottles, she’s sad he ruined her birthday party weekend, she worried he’ll wander into her room in the middle of the night (tbf he’s only done this once, but that’s once too often).
DS broke his foot this weekend. His dad spent Sunday getting drunk in the shed; it had all got on top of him and he needed some space, no, he just wanted to drink.

Im done, our relationship is over. My children come first. But, he’s pissed, an argumentative (if I push him, if I leave him alone he’ll just sleep). He won’t leave. I can, but it means moving two children and two dogs, one child with a broken foot, out of their home. Doable, but even more disruptive to them.

He won’t go. Does anyone have any advice. Will social care be interested, or could I get a protection order? I don’t know if we’d meet the threshold?

Please keep me company and help
me stick with this decision, even when I wobble about doing the right thing.

No, you won't meet the threshold for having him removed, not unless he tips over into outright physical aggression - which I'm sure you don't want the kids to have to witness.

Does he have any family nearby who could be brought in for support? If he was to move in with a sibling or parents would you be able to cover all the household bills on your own?

He won’t go. I’ve tried.

I’m at my wits end. I don’t know what to do

Last time my parents took him and locked the doors. He climbed out a second storey window onto a flat roof and jumped off. Landed on a car and broke a rib

If anyone takes him, he’ll just abscond and come back here.
He won’t sober up so I can have a conversation and reason with him.
But he’s not violent so I can’t have him removed. What do I do then?!

Could you phone 101 for advice and ask if they’d back you up in asking him to leave? Surely they would be able to see that this is a very unhealthy situation for the kids? Would he make scene if police were involved? A really tough situation for you op, sorry you’re having to deal with this xx

Do you own your house, or rent it? Married? In whose name?

Bit underhanded but you could- Lock the doors when he's next drunk in the shed. Call the police when be tries to get in, tell them he's drunk and aggressive. Probably won't be a lie by then xD

That being said, who's name is on the house? He may have every right to be there. Is it owned or rented?

It might be best if you leave anyway, start fresh somewhere new that he doesn't have keys to.

Married. Joint mortgage

What's the housing situation? Do you own or rent?

Could you and the children stay with your parents until you get something sorted?

I think you probably need to speak to a solicitor about divorcing and your next best move. I think if you own, it's generally advised not to leave the property, but you've got to weigh up the damage living with a drunk is doing to your children.

Maybe he'll take you more seriously if you start divorce proceedings and may try to do the right thing.

Ah tbf I don't think you can just make him leave.

See about divorcing and selling the house. Have your kids stay with your family in the meantime ideally.

I think the only way you can do it is divorce and then sell the house. I'm not sure you can legally get him removed before then.

See a solicitor and start divorce proceedings. Is he working and driving?

If you start the divorce process there is an end result..one of you will move out. Likely to be him.

See a solicitor and start a divorce. And get support from Women's Aid.

If he drives report him to the police.

You know he needs to go completely.

Can you get an occupation order? You need advice from a solicitor. Can you force the sale of the house?

Can you move in with your parents for a while? Get copies of all paperwork/finances etc, all the kids passports and such. Put stuff you want to keep into storage. Is he likely to trash the house? Move to your parents and start divorce proceedings. The house will need to be sold as soon as possible. Do you have proof/evidence of his extreme drinking so he won’t be given 50/50 custody?

Ok, I’ll look into starting divorce proceedings tomorrow.
what evidence do I need for the drinking?

School are aware, they support my daughter. She’s been very open and honest with them. My parents know of events, his parents know of some of it. He’s been in rehab twice in 2022. Otherwise it’ll just be my word against his. What other evidence could I have?

I can buy him out of his half of the house. Would that work, or would it need to be sold?

Why would he leave when he's had you around to pick up the pieces and or otherwise enable him?. You will in time have to acknowledge your own roles in this sorry scenario.

Your own recovery from his alcoholism will only properly start once he is completely out of your day to day life and that could take years. And besides which your children will need support too; they've seen and heard far more than they should have re alcoholism in their young lives.

Seek legal advice and commence divorce proceedings asap. The Solicitor could also advise re non molestation and or occupation orders. Seek advice also from Womens Aid and the Rights of Women organisations.

"I can buy him out of his half of the house. Would that work, or would it need to be sold?"

You need legal advice on this point from a Solicitor.

Oh, buying him out is a good option. Talk to a solicitor stat.

I would also have a conversation with the mortgage lender about you potentially buying him out.

You don't need to prove his drinking. You can divorce for any reason. Him drinking doesn't change anything.

However, you may have to be prepared for social services getting involved seen as the school is now aware what's going on in the home.

Provided you are taking steps to end things you should be fine there but be aware that witnessing a drunken parent can be considered abuse by social services.

Thanks @AttilaTheMeerkat, that’s exactly where my head is at, reflecting on my own role in this shit show.

That will come later - have a little empathy that right now apportioning blame is neither helpful nor wanted. I’m eaten up by guilt as it is. You know a tiny snippet of my life from what I post on here. Whether you meant to or not, your post reads as patronising and holier than thou. Go and brush up on your human being skills before you carry on posting.

Im not denying your point by the way, just it’s relevance and timing.

I don’t want to prove his drinking for a divorce. It’s for child access rights. Neither of them want to spend time with him. I want to know what evidence I would need to keep them safe. They need a relationship with their dad, but not at the expense of their well-being.

School have know for a long time. I’m more than happy to welcome social care, they’re not demons.