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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fussy eating as an adult - is this a common thing?

161 replies

Strawberrycocktail · 14/10/2023 12:51

My DH seems to me to be quite a fussy eater. He seems to have a long (and growing) list of foods/dishes he has specified he doesn’t like. So much so it becomes hard to shop for meals for a family. I try to raise my children as unfussy eaters and encourage them to try different foods. I have accepted fussiness at a young age but encourage more adventurousness as they get older. My eldest (16) is now reasonably adventurous in food choices and will at least try and eat most food put in front of him even if he has some things he eats more enthusiastically than others. However, DH stands out as the consistently and resolutely picky ester in our house. I can’t think of a time when I have refused to eat any choice if food he has bought even if it wouldn’t have bern something I would have chosen myself. I wondered if I am unusually unfussy or us my DH unusually fussy? What happens in other people’s houses? Are you all trying to navigate your partner’s food dislikes or are you the one who has a long list of food dislikes or do you both muddle along eating most food without complaint?

OP posts:
WtP · 15/10/2023 21:00

GCSister · 15/10/2023 20:46

No I'm quite happy for people to explain what they don't like.

There are certain things I physically cannot bring myself to try. These are relatively common food items but just the thought of them makes me gag.

According to your previous post you'd judge me for not trying these things. Who made you the food police?

No you have explained it fine & I am not judging you for it, nor am I the food police!
I guess as I don't have any issues around food I struggle to understand what is the driver for not trying stuff?
I don't mean any offence and perhaps my wording could have been better, sorry.

GCSister · 15/10/2023 21:07

No you have explained it fine & I am not judging you for it, nor am I the food police!
I guess as I don't have any issues around food I struggle to understand what is the driver for not trying stuff?
I don't mean any offence and perhaps my wording could have been better, sorry.

I appreciate the apology.
I understand that it's a difficult thing to understand if you love food and enjoy trying new things.
However, some people seem to think that 'fussiness' is always a choice and it's attention seeking or just being awkward.
For those of us who have ARFID I guarantee it's none of those things and I'd love to have a normal relationship with food - but it's not to be.

jellycat · 15/10/2023 21:08

@WtP often it’s the smell for me - I will usually try new foods if the smell doesn’t put me off, but I suppose appearance and simply knowing what it is (eg maybe a type of offal which I haven’t eaten before, but based on the fact that I don’t like other types of offal) might also dissuade me.

WtP · 15/10/2023 21:23

@GCSister I had to look ARFID up & I really feel sad for you 😥I have never felt that people are fussy or attention seeking if they have a limited diet only I want to understand what their fears are?
@jellycat has also explained it well & I sort of get that as the smell of pet food is something I find a bit repulsive.
Perhaps some of this is from my mother who was very dismissive of people that limited their food pallet.

GCSister · 15/10/2023 22:04

WtP · 15/10/2023 21:23

@GCSister I had to look ARFID up & I really feel sad for you 😥I have never felt that people are fussy or attention seeking if they have a limited diet only I want to understand what their fears are?
@jellycat has also explained it well & I sort of get that as the smell of pet food is something I find a bit repulsive.
Perhaps some of this is from my mother who was very dismissive of people that limited their food pallet.

I really appreciate you looking up ARFID... most people don't bother.

Honestly, I hate it. I'd love to not worry about food. I have to socialise and travel quite a bit for my job and it can make life quite stressful.
I'm in my 40's now and have learnt to deal with it to some extent.

I've just recently travelled to china for work and I pretty much lived off belvita biscuits 😂

WtP · 15/10/2023 22:24

I worked in China in the late 80's and you had to really be brave with eating, not so much the flavours more the quality/hygiene, so you are really brave working out there.

Is your ARFID taste, texture, smell, or appearance based?
I understand that can be a thing or it can be an avoidant of food altogether symptom.
I lived in my student days with a few girls who latched on to me as I was very thin & thought I might also be in their competitive anorexic club!
I think they were somewhat dismayed when I made & ate huge meals for the rest of my housemates.

GCSister · 16/10/2023 07:02

Is your ARFID taste, texture, smell, or appearance based?

All three.
I'm a super taster and smeller. I can tell by smell if a different oil has been used.

GCSister · 16/10/2023 07:10

I worked in China in the late 80's and you had to really be brave with eating, not so much the flavours more the quality/hygiene, so you are really brave working out there.

It is a challenge but I try really hard not to let it stop me doing things.

I had a friend (we no longer speak) who used it as an excuse to treat me like a child. She ignored all of my achievements and just fixated on this part of my personality. The breaking point was when she needed some advice on something that I'm literally one of the UK's leading experts in. I offered to help and she laughed at me and referred to my eating habits and level of sophistication and says she'd get advice elsewhere!
Like what I eat impacts my ability to do my job!!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/10/2023 07:30

I was a 'faddy eater' as a child. Except when at parties where I'd come back having had loads of new, savoury things.

Turns out coeliacs with issues with lactose and an instinct to seek out salt for EDS/POTS tend to reject a lot of food because it makes them feel ill even when your mother refuses to accept the medical advice and keeps it secret from everybody.

Outside those restrictions, there's not a lot I won't eat.

My ex, however, used his dislikes as means of control and abuse, including throwing entire meals away and removing things I liked from the kitchen 'because they're filth' (fish fillets, chicken thighs, prawns, salad, herbs, that sort of thing) when he wasn't being expected to eat them, he didn't want them in the house.

Tessisme · 16/10/2023 07:31

I mentioned my FIL above and the fact he only eats the plainest of food. That is, of course, his business. He's not one for eating out, so it's not a massive problem most of the time. But by God he has plenty of opinions on everyone else's choices. I was vegetarian for years and never heard the end of it. Anything the rest of us eat that has a strong smell or looks unusual is mocked and criticised to the point where his graphic descriptions can put you off eating it. Nobody comments on what he's eating except to ask if he likes it. And he's always so proud of the fact that he's 'easily pleased' when he is the complete opposite😆

IhateHPSDeaneCnt · 16/10/2023 10:56

It really pisses me off if the fussy eater starts commenting on what other people are eating. Usually, by fake retching, gurning etc.

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