Fussy eating as an adult - is this a common thing?

[Strawberrycocktail]

My DH seems to me to be quite a fussy eater. He seems to have a long (and growing) list of foods/dishes he has specified he doesn’t like. So much so it becomes hard to shop for meals for a family. I try to raise my children as unfussy eaters and encourage them to try different foods. I have accepted fussiness at a young age but encourage more adventurousness as they get older. My eldest (16) is now reasonably adventurous in food choices and will at least try and eat most food put in front of him even if he has some things he eats more enthusiastically than others. However, DH stands out as the consistently and resolutely picky ester in our house. I can’t think of a time when I have refused to eat any choice if food he has bought even if it wouldn’t have bern something I would have chosen myself. I wondered if I am unusually unfussy or us my DH unusually fussy? What happens in other people’s houses? Are you all trying to navigate your partner’s food dislikes or are you the one who has a long list of food dislikes or do you both muddle along eating most food without complaint?

One meal gets cooked here (with veggie alternative for the vegetarians if here) if you don't like it tough. Always been my stance, and to be fair even my autistic dd eats most things except meat, and dsd has adapted to my varied cooking, far more spices etc than her mum.

I was a fussy eater as a child, wasn’t really that hungry ever but thankfully my mum didn’t force me to eat although she was concerned as I wasn’t eating as much as I should. I think if I’d been forced I’d have developed a lifelong aversion to food.

Now as an adult I have a healthy appetite and eat a wide range of things. Some things are just not for me eg. Octopus, lamb or lobster but I eat things like chicken, beef, salmon plenty of veg and fruit, brown & white rice, grains etc.
I prefer to make my own food and can be very funny over texture and temperature. If something hot is lukewarm or if the texture isn’t to my liking I won’t eat it. Porridge for instance has to be just right. Not too watery and definitely not too lumpy or thick.

There’s very little I won’t eat and DH is the same. He has never once in 25 years complained about anything I’ve cooked or expressed dislike. I’m sure there are things he likes more than others but he never says so and always clears his plate 😂

I don't think I'm a fussy eater (although can't abide anything vinegar based). DH isn't that fussy either but eats a wider variety of things since we got married - he says I cook them better. I definitely think badly cooked food can make you think you don't like something when actually you'd like it if cooked well.

But, I HAVE tried to train myself to like tomatoes and olives. I've succeeded in liking tomatoes (although they have to be cherry sized or sliced as I don't love the texture). I still only tolerate olives. But I think it's healthy and sociable to eat as wide a variety of things as possible which is why I make the effort.

I'll never get over my hatred of vinegar though. Just the smell repulses me.

I am one who eye rolls at fussy eaters. I have two children. One who eats as anything and another who is fussier but we don't pander to it. I've learned with my children that food is a very long game. Fussy one declared after 6 years of point blank refusal, that avocado was actually nice mummy and then decided sushi was something she'd like to try. I silently cheer these wins and we slowly progress.

Me and Dc not fussy - I ensured they tried anything and everything. DH = fussy, Therefore he ends up eating part of what we eat or a ready meal. If he wants anything else he's welcome to shop and cook it himself.

I've never imagine someone would advise a therapy over having food preferences! 😂

at what point should be consider therapy? is it the "I will only eat lean meat" or should someone who refuses Surströmming also consider CBT? 😂

@sprigatito i wish more people were as understanding as you are.

Agree with @Ilikeyourdecor "badly cooked food can make you think you don't like something when actually you'd like it if cooked well." especially to folk who claim they don't like vegetables/won't eat them period.
I think folk who live on garlic bread/plain pasta are in different category I suspect something sensory but it's ED territory. I have no issue if people warn me before coming round with fuss but I'll eat anything, my partner is fussier, grew up very waste not want not, there's food i prefer but it's just fuel at the end of the day

@bellac11 But liver and kidneys. My god the taste, horrible horrible horrible. Like eating urine.

Um….I might regret asking this, but how do you know what that tastes like?😂

A bit contrary, but a friend tearing their hair out at food fussiness in the family has been utterly charmed and cheered up by Cooking for Levi.
For some, inspiration, or hope; for others, pure wish fulfilment, a vision of how it could be, in a different life.

My husband is definitely tricky with food and the older he gets the more obsessive he is . Cannot be arsed now. I just leave him to feed himself. Sadly it has impacted me because I now just eat on my own! My children were never brought up with a dad that was sociable at the occasional family meal time!!

DS has ARFID, which I completely understand. However, DH is also fussy, which is incredibly tiresome because it means I end up cooking three different meals every night.

Maybe a fussy eater might want to try to desensitise themselves as an act of compassion to those around them. You know, so they're not an absolute pain in the fucking arse?

What an atrocious comment.

To those asking why we don’t try to desensitise ourselves….well I used to try and force it but it didn’t work-if anything it just made it worse so I gave up. Why should I try to force myself to eat something that makes me feel physically sick (fish, seafood, avocado) or causes immense pain (chilli)? I think the suggestion is inhumane tbh.

to be fair to @whatevss i think that comment was mostly intended at her DH but i think she should stop cooking for her DH it's his problem

Thank you byteme1011, but we think it's better for the children if we all eat together, and we can't both be in the kitchen at the same time because youngest DS needs constant supervision.

You're right that I was aiming my comment at DH. DS has ARFID; there's nothing he can reasonably do about it. It's unthinkable for him to eat foods outside his range - offering him a pork chop is akin to offering him a live snake. Both can, theoretically, be eaten, but he'd rather starve than have a go.

On the other hand, DH is 'fussy' - there's an enormous difference. Many of the items he doesn't eat are things he just doesn't like as much as other things. He won't eat anything he's 'middling' about at home; he might eat it at risk of being embarrassed out, though. No sickness, no pain.

I don't think we should make our lives miserable by never eating the things we love, but I do think it's inconsiderate to insist on only those things if the job of feeding you falls to someone else.

I am one of those people where cilantro/coriander tastes like soap, so that limits a lot of food since restaurants seem to be putting it in everything.

Fix whatever you want. If he doesn't like it, he can make his own. Everyone shouldn't have to cater to his whims with nobody else getting to eat anything they like because of him.

I am quite an adventurous eater and I find my DH quite fussy. He will only eat fish in fish finger form, no shellfish, no lamb.. just chicken and beef. And even then, only boneless breast chicken. I do most of the cooking so sometimes I'll try jazz up a food he is fussy about and if he doesn't realise what it is before eating it, he enjoys it.

We recently had a baby and she is weaning and I've asked him to be careful about the language and expressions he uses in front of her when it comes to food as I am worried it will encourage food fussiness in her.

Which is it? You completely understand, or it's incredibly tiresome?
Or do you mean there an age limit on when Arfid becomes unacceptable?

Going back to op, yes there is just personal preference and some adults are fussier than others, but I think there's a lot of undiagnosed conditions amongst older adults eg autism that is also linked to 'fussy' eating.

@PaminaMozart I'm not a super fussy eater, but if I don't like something I really don't like it. I could not physically put broccoli in my mouth, not even the tiniest taste. Even the smell makes me heave. The same with aubergines and courgettes to a lesser extent, just a tiny taste has me gagging.

It's not just vegetables though - I don't have a sweet tooth and really hate cake. I've had to choke down a lot of birthday cake over the years 🤢

I'm not fussy - but won't eat baked beans (or any kind of beans), tinned tuna, anything tainted with tomato ketchup (although I'll eat it on a McDonalds burger) and I hate mayonnaise (again if it's a smear on a sandwich and I don't notice I'm fine). I do like coleslaw though but only from Nando's. I don't like wet sandwiches and prefer them to be made in front of me if I'm buying them (and I don't have butter in sandwiches).
I don't like jam or marmalade , dessicated coconut, or cheese with fruit in it - or any type of savoury dish that had fruit in it. Not a big fan of offal either. Not a fan of overly sweet foods either - I do like a dessert but nothing too sweet and creamy.

I love food and enjoy most things. I genuinely couldn't marry someone who was a fussy eater as trying new/unusual foods together is such an important part of a relationship to me (hubby ordered rabbit on first date, actually i've never seen him eat it since). That being said, if it wasn't important to me and I had gone into a relationship and knew the other person was fussy, I don't think you can find it an issue later on. That's just one of the compromises you make imo.

"hubby ordered rabbit on first date, actually i've never seen him eat it since"

So he was showing off or something? Weird