Fussy eating as an adult - is this a common thing?

[Strawberrycocktail]

My DH seems to me to be quite a fussy eater. He seems to have a long (and growing) list of foods/dishes he has specified he doesn’t like. So much so it becomes hard to shop for meals for a family. I try to raise my children as unfussy eaters and encourage them to try different foods. I have accepted fussiness at a young age but encourage more adventurousness as they get older. My eldest (16) is now reasonably adventurous in food choices and will at least try and eat most food put in front of him even if he has some things he eats more enthusiastically than others. However, DH stands out as the consistently and resolutely picky ester in our house. I can’t think of a time when I have refused to eat any choice if food he has bought even if it wouldn’t have bern something I would have chosen myself. I wondered if I am unusually unfussy or us my DH unusually fussy? What happens in other people’s houses? Are you all trying to navigate your partner’s food dislikes or are you the one who has a long list of food dislikes or do you both muddle along eating most food without complaint?

@InacycleofNC
I think I am a supertaster. The bitterness makes me gag. Any green leafy things taste like grass. Recently I have been able to eat pea shoots because they are sweet but I still have to use salad cream.

The only veg I do eat is sweet actually but having been force fed by parents it's a complicated situation that makes my unhappy. I want to eat salads and veg and hate myself for not being able and eating like a child.

I have ARFID and would be considered extremely fussy but I genuinely can't help it.

The worst thing you can do is make a big deal about it and draw attention to it. If you do that it increases my stress level which increases my fussiness.

I wish I could eat a normal range of food but I physically can't.

lots of people who remain "fussy" throughout adulthood, probably because they feel comfortable like that/it doesn't inconvenience them and they have no desire to change.

I've spent £100's on therapy trying to change. It makes me really uncomfortable and embarrassed. I'd love not to be 'fussy' believe me .....

@muchalover I do sympathise. I roast most of my veg (even broccoli) as the caramalisation helps to cut the bitterness. If I just boil them, I can still taste the soil they were grown in. Or I blitz veg into creamy soups.

On the upside, I can totally freak out pretentious foodies by correctly identifying the you'll-never-guess secret ingredient in their super-special artisan whatever.

I am a foodie and enjoy trying out new restaurants twice a week. Last week we went to a teppanyaki place and a Korean BBQ place, this week we’re planning to go to a Szechuan restaurant and something else.

I’ve met two kinds of fussy eaters. Those who are willing to try different cuisines and dishes before deciding they don’t like it (causing the list of their dislikes to be huge because they’ve tried it all), and those who will only stick to safe, non-foreign foods because that’s what they’re familiar with. I don’t mind the former, and won’t be compatible with the latter.

If you don't mind sharing what kind of foods do you eat?

If you consider life too short to be sociable and polite, I feel for you.

There are so so many foods I don't eat. I wish I wasn't like this, as there would be more variety in my diet. However I can't make myself like foods that I don't.

Oh I forgot about olives and offal. I’m not keen on very fatty cuts of meat, raw tomato (except cherry tomatoes) or vinegar either. Broccoli and sprouts taste unpleasantly bitter to me but I do eat them. I’ll try roasting them as mentioned by a pp.

Some people can’t taste the bitter compounds in certain foods, or don’t experience the taste as particularly bitter. It’s genetic. We did a tasting experiment on this in the lab when I was at university. Some of the people in the group could taste the bitter compound but others said it just tasted like water to them.

My Mum was a very unadventurous cook but I eat loads of foods she never cooked so I don’t think it was that.

I'm 'fussy'.

I don't / won't eat fish, things on a bone, fatty meat, chicken thighs, chicken wings, eggs.

They are absolute no's but there are things I don't particularly like but will eat eg olives, tomatoes (can only eat with the seeds taken out), sprouts, kale.

My mum used to try and force me to eat fish. I just can't.

Most of the food I eat is 'foreign'. You don't really understand what drives most fussy eating. I mostly eat Thai / Vietnamese / Chinese / Indian because I can adapt what I do eat into those cuisines.

Yep I'm fussy. DP is far less so. My fussiness is now complicated by food intolerances. I also can't tolerate fatty foods. I may cook 2 different meals but most often there's an overlap of food we will both eat so for example, we both like fried rice but DP can eat mushrooms in it (I can't) so I just cook his on the side and add it after. Sometimes DP cooks and he will have spicy stir fries that I can't eat. We just work around each other and it's not stressful.

We did a tasting experiment on this in the lab when I was at university. Some of the people in the group could taste the bitter compound but others said it just tasted like water to them.

I did this experiment at Uni too! I could taste the most dilute sample as horribly bitter. I can't abide bitter food.

My husband and child are fussier than me but we tend to do same vegetables and different main bit if we can sometimes

I was giving examples of the types of fussy eaters I personally know.

Besides, it doesn’t matter what drives it. I emphasise but it still doesn’t make us compatible the same way some vegans don’t feel comfortable eating or being in a relationship with a meat-eater.

I think there are several factors at play here, it's a classic nature vs. nuture one. People who "eat everything" are " foodies" or " can't abide fussiness" are extremely likely to end up with like- minded souls. They then breed children who both don't have the supertaster genes, but also get exposed to and expected to eat a wide range of foods. DH and I fall into this camp both DCs ate olives and seafood before they were 2. Bar the occasional fish finger I have never cooked " children's food" separately the only concession I made was a deconstructed salad for them without dressing during primary school ( raw cucumber sticks, carrots, cherry tomatoes on the side). Now at 17 &19 Dd falls more with her Dad on the "eat anything, food is fuel" side and DS is more " foody" like me, enjoying the process of planning, cooking and shopping for food.

My Dsis was always fussy as a child, with a very long list of foods she wouldn't eat. She had an ED in her teens and is still what I would describe as neurotic about food. Her DP is equally fussy in a different infuriating way and their DCs have never been encouraged/forced to eat anything they didn't immediately feel like in that moment. Going out to eat with them is frankly torture as if things are not exactly as they expected they will reject sometimes very expensive dishes.

I am sure her DCs have more or more sensitive taste buds than mine, butvI also think this has been nutured.

FWIW no has a ND diagnosis, but I do sometimes wonder.

DS and DD's BF tend towards fussy but it has always been seen by everyone as a very sad and unfortunate thing - like "Oh that's such a shame, you really should try" and we've never presented any other options we travel a lot and stay in quite out of the way places with limited options so they have learned to shut up and eat it, basically. I come from a very working class background where food was fuel much of the time and the idea of every meal being prepared to your specifications is absurd. Just eat it and move on.

If you don't mind sharing what kind of foods do you eat?

I will eat most vegetables but my 'safe' ones are potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, parsnips, peas and sweetcorn.

I will eat tomatoes, onions and garlic in soup or sauces so will eat pizza and if pushed pasta. The only cheese I will eat is mozzarella .

I'll eat baked beans and vegetable based soup.
Also pretty much all fruit and yoghurt ( just not bananas)

Absolutely no meat or fish. Nothing 'creamy' either.

I'm also a super smeller and taster so I can tell immediately if something different has been added or if someone has used a different oil.

I've had hypnotherapy which helped add a few things to the above list but times of stress or illness causes me to narrow my food list as eating some of the above is actually quite stressful.

Trying to eat something that isn't 'safe' for me will cause me to gag involuntarily and sometimes be sick. Not something you want to do in public!

I don't eat mayonnaise or canned meat under any circumstances but that's about it. There are plenty of things I don't like and wouldn't choose but could manage if they were put in front of me.
I had a partner who was veggie but with a limited, child-like palate and it did get tiresome. They only liked/cooked pasta pesto, plain pizza, sweet tomato soup etc. I ended up doing nearly all the cooking, veggie obv, but if it didn't suit, my ex could make themselves cheese on toast.

My FIL is the fussiest eater I have ever met. He eats about three meals on rotation and refuses to even try anything outside those limited options. Meat of some description with boiled potatoes or chips and either peas or baked beans. Occasional Irish stew, but it has to be very dry. That is it! No sauces, salad, vegetables (other than the peas!), fish, spices, onions, garlic. He complains about the smell of other things cooking in the house, especially if they contain garlic. Sadly DS2 seems to have inherited this trait. He was given all the same food choices as DS1, but barely eats anything, while DS1 scoffs everything that isn't nailed down.

My biggest bug bear is being told I eat like a child or have a 'child like palate'.
I have an actual phobia of food. Nobody calls other phobias 'child like'.

The biggest issue with fussiness, especially when it comes to children , is when you don't particularly feel hungry either.

I was such a child, and I honestly wasn't fussed about skipping meals .If I liked it, I ate it, if not , no big deal. Then from about 7 I was able to cater for myself so I had at least one meal a day plus whatever else was cooked that I did like.

If someone would rather go hungry than eat something it's not them being "fussy".
It's quite depressing being somewhere where there's literally nothing you can eat. A buffet is a nightmare. Foods touching and such. No thanks.

DH is a very fussy eater.
I blame PIL (yes, really - maybe unfair but I do). Ate nothing but jarred baby food being weaned, MIL hates veg and voices it loudly and frequently (not surprised, boiling broccoli for 45 mins does make it taste and feel vile), the comment on young children's eating all the time at the table ('good girl', 'have a bit of carrot next', 'you're so good eating your vegetables'), they forced DH to finish his plate (made to sit alone in the kitchen until it was all gone) and if he didn't he had to have it again for his next meal.
Yes, I know I sound like a bitch. 🙄

I can think one can support DCs to some extent, but there quite a lot which is just intrinsic.

We tried to make no big deal of mealtimes, made sure they were good and hungry, no snack within 2 hours of meal, if starving then raw veg sticks before hand like a raw veg starter. All at the table together 4 times a week, no TV or phones at the table. My DM had a great expression " you don't have to eat up, but you do have to shut up". They were involved in food prep from 3 or 4.

However I know this wouldn't work for all children, especially those who might be neurodiverse. As a pp said some people just don't get hungry and would simply starve if subjected to my " take it or leave it" strategy- you needcto parent the children you have ultimately.

No, you really don't sound like a bitch. It's clear the way they fed him at least contributed to fussiness and now we know this is a wrong approach to feeding kids (yes, many others were fed that way and ended up being "fine", it still doesn't make it right to feed kids this way).

It's possible he still would have been fussy with a different approach...