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Original poster

Fussy eating as an adult - is this a common thing?

161 replies

Strawberrycocktail · 14/10/2023 12:51

My DH seems to me to be quite a fussy eater. He seems to have a long (and growing) list of foods/dishes he has specified he doesn’t like. So much so it becomes hard to shop for meals for a family. I try to raise my children as unfussy eaters and encourage them to try different foods. I have accepted fussiness at a young age but encourage more adventurousness as they get older. My eldest (16) is now reasonably adventurous in food choices and will at least try and eat most food put in front of him even if he has some things he eats more enthusiastically than others. However, DH stands out as the consistently and resolutely picky ester in our house. I can’t think of a time when I have refused to eat any choice if food he has bought even if it wouldn’t have bern something I would have chosen myself. I wondered if I am unusually unfussy or us my DH unusually fussy? What happens in other people’s houses? Are you all trying to navigate your partner’s food dislikes or are you the one who has a long list of food dislikes or do you both muddle along eating most food without complaint?

OP posts:
stayathomer · 15/10/2023 11:37

If you married him did you not know or is he getting fussier? I was fussy but have eased up some as I’ve gotten older but still my friends would find me fussy (they’d like to go eg for sushi or to a tapas bar dh wouldn’t find me fussy as eg he loves Italian and mild Indian). So I suppose it also depends on what you think fussy is, if I go over to in laws they cook really spicy food but then if we went out they struggle as they don’t do most Sunday dinners, don’t eat burgers and a few other things because they say they’re not cooked properly. I made a comment once about everyone being fussy really so nobody’s fussy but they said not being willing to chance other people’s eg beef isn’t the same as being fussy so you might be being unfair. Ps not at all talking about you but people who get irritated by fussy eaters can be totally irrational, we’ve enough to fend off trying to justify and explain why we don’t like something, they don’t need to make it an issue!

jellycat · 15/10/2023 11:43

@Goldencup absolutely. I had one of each- my first would try anything if hungry enough (and he was pretty much always hungry!) and now eats most foods (he draws the line at oysters and some fruits he finds slimy (I would say juicy) eg melon, nectarines).

My second was always different-never seemed very hungry as a newborn and during weaning, but we were making some progress. However, then 2 events- having spots in his throat when he had chickenpox and choking on a cheese sandwich at nursery- seemed to cause him to develop a food phobia. So I had to use a different approach with him, which was to use a lot of finger food (so he was in control) and to offer new foods alongside ’safe’ foods. This eventually worked and he now eats most foods but like me he dislikes the bitter tasting veg so I think he’s inherited my ability to taste that bitter compound (DH and ds1 think sprouts taste sweet!). Unfortunately he’s now developed GERD (unrelated to the fussiness, just one of those things) and a lot of foods are off the menu (eg onions, garlic, spicy food) but he’s been trying new foods eg fennel which is suggested as an alternative to onions, which has surprised me! So I’d say there’s definitely an element of nurture/reaction to early experiences when it comes to fussiness, plus an element of nature.

GCSister · 15/10/2023 12:02

BigDahliaFan · 15/10/2023 11:58

So how you suggest I cure my eating disorder?

jellycat · 15/10/2023 12:06

@BigDahliaFan I don’t think you’ve actually been reading a lot of the posts on this thread. You’ve just decided all fussy eaters are being deliberately awkward.

octodrive · 15/10/2023 12:21

BigDahliaFan · 15/10/2023 11:58

My food choices affect no one but me.

However, should someone alter their food choices to suit someone else? Do you think the other persons comfort is more important than the eater Confused

GCSister · 15/10/2023 12:50

However, should someone alter their food choices to suit someone else? Do you think the other persons comfort is more important than the eater .

I would NEVER ask someone to alter their food choices to suit me. In fact, I'm always really embarrassed when people do - even though I know they mean well.
I don't want to draw attention to me or my eating habits.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 15/10/2023 13:21

I’m vegetarian, but consider my diet very varied. However, I’m always surprised by how many people can’t understand that I’m still allowed to dislike certain vegetables. For example, I’m not fond of mushrooms (from a texture perspective - I actually like mushroom soup and sauces) and several people have said incredulously “But you’re vegetarian!” in response to this. So bloody what? I’m willing to bet that no one has ever responded to someone saying they don’t like beef with a bewildered “But… you eat meat!”

I have a friend who’s a self-confessed fussy eater. He says what’s way more frustrating than coping with a limited diet is the number of people who think they can “cure” him. “You’d like curry the way I make it…” “Why don’t you just try Chinese food?” “You couldn’t not like the food in Antonio’s, it’s lovely!” and so on.

His partner absolutely loves coming out for dinner with our wider friendship group, as he gets to eat all the things Steve never would. (And I love Steve because no one can call my vegetarian diet “fussy” by comparison!)

NW1738 · 15/10/2023 13:33

I think people really deprive themselves by being fussy. But that’s their choice. So be it.

I would judge an adult that doesn’t eat “green veg”, but I’m quite judgemental a person.

7Worfs · 15/10/2023 13:38

This thread had me remember foods that I hated on the first 1-2-3 tries but then liked (all as an adult, I don’t remember aversions from childhood) - avocado, parsnips, persimmon, goat’s cheese, cottage cheese, mozzarella.

GCSister · 15/10/2023 13:59

NW1738 · 15/10/2023 13:33

I think people really deprive themselves by being fussy. But that’s their choice. So be it.

I would judge an adult that doesn’t eat “green veg”, but I’m quite judgemental a person.

Clearly ....

I'm not depriving myself by not eating food that makes me gag or sick.

GCSister · 15/10/2023 14:03

I have a friend who’s a self-confessed fussy eater. He says what’s way more frustrating than coping with a limited diet is the number of people who think they can “cure” him. “You’d like curry the way I make it…” “Why don’t you just try Chinese food?” “You couldn’t not like the food in Antonio’s, it’s lovely!” and so on.

Oh god yes. This and being told I don't know what I'm missing.

jellycat · 15/10/2023 14:04

@GCSister , NW1738 is another poster who hasn’t bothered to read some of the posts on this thread! I don’t feel remotely deprived when I avoid the foods I can’t stomach either!

GCSister · 15/10/2023 14:10

jellycat · 15/10/2023 14:04

@GCSister , NW1738 is another poster who hasn’t bothered to read some of the posts on this thread! I don’t feel remotely deprived when I avoid the foods I can’t stomach either!

In fairness the comments on this thread are far more tame than usual! There's time yet though I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

jellycat · 15/10/2023 14:26

@GCSister true!

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 15/10/2023 14:57

NW1738 · 15/10/2023 13:33

I think people really deprive themselves by being fussy. But that’s their choice. So be it.

I would judge an adult that doesn’t eat “green veg”, but I’m quite judgemental a person.

Deprive themselves of what?

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 15/10/2023 15:07

However, should someone alter their food choices to suit someone else? Do you think the other persons comfort is more important than the eater

I don't expect anyone to alter their food choices though.I adapt my own , or eat well before (I very rarely need to) and then just have something small so it's not awkward, or offer to cook. I still go to restaurants,for dinner at other people's houses etc. I even get invited again . The only time I actually mentioned something was when the main was lamb(i have serious issues with lamb) and I told the host not to be offended if I do n't eat it. Nothing to do with her cooking skills, purely the meat. She offered to change , but since everyone else was looking forward to the lamb it would've been ridiculous to do so and i told her that.
I had the breads,salad, rice and sauces and some of the starters and had a great evening and meal.

octodrive · 15/10/2023 15:11

NW1738 · 15/10/2023 13:33

I think people really deprive themselves by being fussy. But that’s their choice. So be it.

I would judge an adult that doesn’t eat “green veg”, but I’m quite judgemental a person.

The only thing I deprive myself of by my restricted diet is stress and upset. Thanks for the concern though!

Also green veg? Is that the gold standard for your judgment?

Sluj · 15/10/2023 15:35

I'm a fussy eater if you look at it from someone else's point of view. To me, there is still plenty of food choice left to have so I'm not bothered.

I think I have 2 reasons-

  1. I don't like meat and fish/seafood because I can't stand the possibility of having a piece of gristle, bone or a chewy bit in my mouth. I will literally heave, and I have never like the taste of meat enough to chance it. I don't mind minced beef, fish fingers or boneless, skinless chicken breast ( preferably Marks and Spencers) as there is little chance of it turning into a body part in my mouth 🤮
  2. There are some foods I just do not like- aubergine, pineapple, coconut being the worst.
I can assure you I'm not starving or sickly and can always find something on the menu I like. I have been like this since the age of about 3 and can distinctly remember smothering meat in ketchup and trying to swallow it whole rather than chew it in case there was a fatty bit. My mum soon realised she was wasting her money on me 🤣
sofapaddling · 15/10/2023 15:50

I am fairly fussy - there is a lot of food I don't like - but I wouldn't say it limits my life or anyone else's. I eat a big enough range that I could go into any restaurant of any cuisine and find something to eat, just probably not as much choice as others! And I can eat pretty much any meal the same as my partner, I just don't plate up the bits I don't like or eat around them (ie mushrooms).
I have tried to eat a bigger range of foods but I genuinely don't like them, or they make me physically gag. I can't help it, it's not intentional. And I hate it being noticed - I find people who 'eat everything' always seem to comment and make a deal of it, just drawing spotlight to something I'm already embarrassed about. It's not harming anyone, it's my life!

Crikeyalmighty · 15/10/2023 16:20

My H is quite particular- he would like to live on a Japanese diet , likes noodles, stir fry's , fish (but only expensive fish) but also likes chillis, cottage pie etc

Won't eat pasta. (Unless it's gluten free) eggs, anything with a custard or eggy type texture, so no porridge, custard, quiche etc - ironically all things I love. Won't eat peppers or potato salad or coleslaw , avacados

Very fussy if you buy pies etc-

He's an expensive person to shop for and very fussy on quality too -

PaintedEgg · 15/10/2023 16:25

whatevss · 15/10/2023 00:09

DS has ARFID, which I completely understand. However, DH is also fussy, which is incredibly tiresome because it means I end up cooking three different meals every night.

Maybe a fussy eater might want to try to desensitise themselves as an act of compassion to those around them. You know, so they're not an absolute pain in the fucking arse?

if what I eat makes me a pain in the arse for others than I hope to become the most painful hemorrhoid they have ever had 🤣

gamerchick · 15/10/2023 16:31

I don't think there is anything wrong with being fussy as long as they do it quietly. it's the ones that make a performance out of it that do my tits in.

Just shut up, make something you want to eat or stay at home when eating out.

OldSchoolCasualty · 15/10/2023 16:32

my OH is a fussy eater, as as I do the weekly menu and shopping it drives me insane the list of things he wont eat! there's about 30 meals now that are all variations on chicken that he will eat. No pork, no beef unless its a burger, no lamb, fish but only if it's breaded or the finger variety, nothing green! It's like feeding a 4 year old.

Goldencup · 15/10/2023 17:15

I don't mind minced beef, fish fingers or boneless, skinless chicken breast ( preferably Marks and Spencers) as there is little chance of it turning into a body part in my mouth 🤮

But it is a body part ! If you are going to eat meat at all for God's sake own it.