Struggling after being ghosted and need a kick I think

[Thedm]

I’m a bit of a mess, and I don’t know how to snap out of it. I was with a man for several months and 3 weeks ago he ghosted me. I’d been at his, I left, we were texting when I got him just to say I’d arrived safely. He was going to bed and sent a message saying he loved the smell of my hair on his pillows etc and goodnight. When I woke up the next morning, i sent him a reply but it never delivered and his profile pic on WhatsApp was blank. I tried calling but it didn’t go through. I called his phone not using WhatsApp and it didn’t go through. He’s gone from all my social media, Snapchat, blocked on everything.

I haven’t tried him from different numbers, I haven’t driven over the knock on his door. If he was going to do that then I won’t make a fool of myself chasing him but I just can’t get past if. When I say he is all I’ve though of for 3 weeks, it’s not a lie. It’s constantly in my head, because I don’t understand why he did that.

I just need a kick up the ass to get over this or works of wisdom that it gets better, if anyone has been through it.

Well done you for having the strength to ignore him 👏

Well he's a dreadful coward anyway, that's for certain.
You did very well to ignore his messages and block him. Do not give this selfish man another chance to worm his way back into your affections even if all he wants to do is assuage his guilt. Don't let him. You don't owe him an audience whatsoever.
Stay tough. x

This played on my mind, there is something so utterly callous and cold about lying to someone’s face, someone you’ve been in a relationship with for the last 9 months, then sitting there blocking them on every platform when they leave. Without a shadow of a doubt he had met someone else so binned her off. And he’d have known he was going to do it when he was with her the night before.

and the wishing the best for her, it’s so narcissistic. Like he thinks what he wants for her is important to her, that she thinks he’s all that and she’s lucky he gives her any attention .

its really just such a horrible demeaning way to treat someone. He’s an awful person and the op is now dodging a bullet.

Thought I’d come back and update because I’m losing my mind a little. He crawled his way back in. Lots of love bombing, apologising, being super romantic etc so we tried again. I was staying there last week, and I went to put my glasses away in the bedside table like normal and, in the drawer, was a red kacy and fluffy white pompon lingerie babydoll, obviously Christmas themed, along with a set of women’s pyjamas. Both not mine, and hadn’t been there the few days before when I had stayed. So, there was another woman. He admitted she’d been on the scene for a few months and he just wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he missed me and knew he wanted me but just wanted to “roll with it” and be casual…. But never told me he wanted to be casual and his begging to have me back didn’t ever indicative he was having sex with someone else.

I was the idiot who went back, and it’s been a few days now but it’s hurting. So, just a warning really. Don’t take them back!

She probably didn't want him in long run and hes reeling off cock n bull story. He will cheat again. Get rid

Sorry to hear your update OP and hope you’re ok.

It really is true that the first time they show you who they are, believe them.

“Roll with it and be casual” means sleeping with him and not complaining if he’s sleeping with other women.

You are worth so much more OP. I’m so sorry this has happened

He was so cool about it too, like it was the most normal thing and I was the weirdo for thinking getting back together meant not sleeping with other people. Total change from all the romantic “please forgive me” stuff. Total dick!

OP don’t feel bad about giving him another chance. You’re a good person and actually he’s done you a favour by being a complete twat as now you have your closure.

Hope this now gives you the closure you need op. There can now be no doubting what a lowlife he is. Walk away and don't look back.

This is true, and a better way to look at it than I have been the last few days. Been totally blaming myself for being stupid and not good enough etc. But actually, yes, this has given me the answer I needed way back. I won’t be wondering why or if it could have worked etc. Now he’s just a dickhead.

Why couldn't he just leave you alone. What a manipulative lying waste of space. You deserve so much more

At least you know for sure now that it is the right thing for it to end. What an awful way to treat you though.

Now you know so it was worth giving it a second chance. No need to wonder anymore. Time to move on.

Agree with the PP who said that actually he's helped you know who he really is and given you closure. In case he comes crawling back again (likely), here is the inspiration you need (though I have a feeling you won't need it). One of my all time favourite threads and you reminded me of her because you're clearly a lovely person. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text Sending you strength -- you are the bigger person and will have the bigger, happier life.

Ugh what a man

a ghost and a cheat
im sorry sorry it’s all been so bruising op

bur thanks god you saw that stuff, must have been horrible though

I wish bad things for him

Oh wow OP that’s all so hurtful. Disgusting he ghosted you in the first place but then when things weren’t going as well as he thought with his new women he decides to reel you back in. What a horrible person he is. I guess at least now you’ve got your answer why he did it. No doubt he will be sending apologies and trying to reel you back in again. I personally would block him and move on with your life as you’re clearly way too good for him.

This is proper weird behaviour. Nearly a year. Not surprised you're shocked. He sounds shit.

What a revolting man.

I hope you're able to cut him out of your life for good now. More pain lies his way if you go back again.

Nicer news, I’m going on a date on Saturday! Probably going to be a rebound guy to just get over this whole debacle but new guy, new date, time to move on!

Good for you OP

🙌 excellent!

Do you know if something has happened to him??

Sorry op.

If he ever tries to return, don't allow him to