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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Struggling after being ghosted and need a kick I think

123 replies

Thedm · 09/10/2023 18:20

I’m a bit of a mess, and I don’t know how to snap out of it. I was with a man for several months and 3 weeks ago he ghosted me. I’d been at his, I left, we were texting when I got him just to say I’d arrived safely. He was going to bed and sent a message saying he loved the smell of my hair on his pillows etc and goodnight. When I woke up the next morning, i sent him a reply but it never delivered and his profile pic on WhatsApp was blank. I tried calling but it didn’t go through. I called his phone not using WhatsApp and it didn’t go through. He’s gone from all my social media, Snapchat, blocked on everything.

I haven’t tried him from different numbers, I haven’t driven over the knock on his door. If he was going to do that then I won’t make a fool of myself chasing him but I just can’t get past if. When I say he is all I’ve though of for 3 weeks, it’s not a lie. It’s constantly in my head, because I don’t understand why he did that.

I just need a kick up the ass to get over this or works of wisdom that it gets better, if anyone has been through it.

OP posts:
WeeStyleIcon · 14/10/2023 18:02

Well done. Any kind of response shows you still care. At least what he thinks, or enough to tell him he hurt you.

Nothing will cut him down like NO response at all. Stay strong.

WeeStyleIcon · 14/10/2023 18:05

What @EmpressSoleil says is so true. People believe they have the choice to leave you feeling rejected and confused just to keep their options open later.

WeeStyleIcon · 14/10/2023 18:08

Only NO response says ''I can do better''. And that's the best ''line''. There's no better comeback than him knowing you know that you can do better.

We're here to help you sit on those hands. I've always regretted giving the various players and ghosters a piece of my mind.

Coffeepot72 · 14/10/2023 18:31

As our Press Office regularly tells me - one of the most powerful forms of words, is no words at all

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/10/2023 19:55

I agree that IF you can delete his number and contact and not reply it WILL drive him nuts

Bone11 · 14/10/2023 20:28

Hope you are managing to stay strong. You'll never be able to trust that he won't do this again. I'm sorry he has treated you like this.

yarnwitch · 15/10/2023 10:25

You're doing amazing.
I think you should block him, it removes any opening for him to try and wheedle his way back in, and gives you time to heal without the temptation of his name popping up.

MintyChops · 15/10/2023 10:39

He is an absolute bell-end. Let your silence speak volumes.

beastlyslumber · 15/10/2023 11:06

Silence is the only response here.

What an absolute wanker. He dumps you and now thinks he'll have a go at reeling you back in. That's who he really is. That lovely caring man was just the mask he used to get you to trust him.

He's going to be thinking he did such a good job on you that you won't be able to resist him. Even if you tell him to fuck off, that's engagement and he'll use it to draw you back.

Maintain a dignified silence. If you can block him, that's even better.

listlovers · 15/10/2023 11:10

Coffeepot72 · 14/10/2023 18:31

As our Press Office regularly tells me - one of the most powerful forms of words, is no words at all

This, OP, in spades. Silence is a powerful response. He does not deserve you, and his pathetic, unimaginative text demonstrates his emotional immaturity and that you will never get a satisfactory explanation for why he did it. Block him and be thankful he has shown you who he is.

crumpet · 15/10/2023 11:17

A normal, not cowardly person would break up in person and with kindness. And wouldn’t tit about with someone if they in fact did want the relationship to continue.

He is a coward. He is an arse.

Help yourself to a big dollop of Fuck him, and hopefully recognise that a coward and/or an arse is not who you’d want to be with

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/10/2023 11:20

Oh my god that is so WEIRD!!! Why on earth are people so INSANE?! I can't even begin to get my head round that. Absolutely 100% do not reply at all ever. Jesus.

Original poster
Thedm · 15/10/2023 11:22

Well, I kept silent. He sent another message in the middle of the night where he said, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the way things ended up. I really mean it when I say I want the best for you.” As if there was an actual ending?!?

I have deleted his messages and blocked him on WhatsApp and my phone. Didn’t reply and won’t, he so clearly wants to be snap back about how he ended it and get into a conversation. And I won’t see anymore messages now. Don’t feel great but it’s annoyance rather than sadness, and it’ll pass.

OP posts:
Flyinggeesei234 · 15/10/2023 11:24

Stay strong @Thedm . You have all the power now. Don’t look back. What a prize pillock he is.

23Oct · 15/10/2023 11:36

God op good for you!! You did the best thing

I was ghosted after a year together, having said I love you and talk about marriage, House, babies etc.

Then bam, gone. I didn't cope with it and broke down, constantly trying to get answers. As a result it took me another two years of angst and intermittent contact before I was able to walk away.

I wish I had done what you had and been strong early on. Well done, keep strong.

beastlyslumber · 15/10/2023 11:37

Well done OP. He's shown himself up to be an absolute dickhead and you have had a lucky escape.

PimpMyFridge · 15/10/2023 12:10

Well done op, I'm so impressed at your reaction!
Going for a walk and leaving they phone is a great strategy!!
From hence forth he shall be called Beetlejuice, a great way to finish his hold on you and remind yourself how he behaved towards you.
Stay strong, you're in the trenches right now but you'll have brighter days in the future though it may not feel like it now, and better times ahead with him not in the frame.

PatchworkElmer · 15/10/2023 12:15

Well done OP!! Onwards and upwards. You’ve had a lucky escape.

Olika · 15/10/2023 12:40

Well done! 👏

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/10/2023 16:38

Thedm

well done

that’s honestly the BEST action you could have done
anyway he’s said it’s ended so 🤷‍♀️
what does he want ? A lessons learned debrief ?

you will feel bruised for a while as this was nasty and hurtful how he handled it x

ZebraD · 15/10/2023 21:46

That’s great- you got your response that confirms there is nothing wrong with you but you shut it down! Well done for being strong, it’s not easy.

Coffeepot72 · 15/10/2023 22:08

People who ghost are the worst kind of cowards. Unless you’re in a coma/being held hostage you are able to use a phone, just a ‘sorry, I don’t want to do this anymore’ can’t be that hard?

Gardeningtime · 15/10/2023 22:17

What a horrible way to treat you. I’m guessing he met someone else and decided that was the easiest way to end It. And now if it didn’t work out with that woman, he’s thinking you might be up for it.

I think that’s even worse to be honest, that he thinks you might be so desperate to consider it. Such a lack of respect. And utterly demeaning.

keep him blocked. You’ve done nothing to deserve this. It’s not about you. It’s all him

yarnwitch · 15/10/2023 22:27

He's sorry for the way things 'ended up' and really wants what's best for you huh Hmm
He wants you to tell him it's all ok to ease his conscience for treating you like shit.
I'm glad you've blocked him now. I hope deep down he realises what he's lost and that you eventually find someone who knows how to treat you.

PimpMyFridge · 16/10/2023 07:34

Agree with pp who said you'll feel bruised for a while. I've had a relationship ended (long ago) which was done with such respectful tenderness that though it hurt, the prevailing remaining feeling was one of completeness and care. It really isn't difficult to treat people as though they matter and not just leave them in a limbo if unknowing... He didn't do that and it's pathetic, careless and cowardly.