Struggling after being ghosted and need a kick I think

[Thedm]

I’m a bit of a mess, and I don’t know how to snap out of it. I was with a man for several months and 3 weeks ago he ghosted me. I’d been at his, I left, we were texting when I got him just to say I’d arrived safely. He was going to bed and sent a message saying he loved the smell of my hair on his pillows etc and goodnight. When I woke up the next morning, i sent him a reply but it never delivered and his profile pic on WhatsApp was blank. I tried calling but it didn’t go through. I called his phone not using WhatsApp and it didn’t go through. He’s gone from all my social media, Snapchat, blocked on everything.

I haven’t tried him from different numbers, I haven’t driven over the knock on his door. If he was going to do that then I won’t make a fool of myself chasing him but I just can’t get past if. When I say he is all I’ve though of for 3 weeks, it’s not a lie. It’s constantly in my head, because I don’t understand why he did that.

I just need a kick up the ass to get over this or works of wisdom that it gets better, if anyone has been through it.

Thank you for the support from here. I think my friends were going with the approach of not dwelling on it, calling him a dick and trying to cheer me up and move me on. But I just need to be sad for a while and don’t want to tell them how sad I am so was good to get that off my chest.

Please re-read this comment. It's not your fault.

I’m so sorry OP it has happened to you. He’s clearly lacking integrity and that’s your answer why he ended it the way he did. Though it doesn’t feel like it at the moment for you, it’s soooo good he’s out of your life. You don’t want a coward for a partner, life is full of challenges and you need someone who you can rely on when things get tough. Weakness of character is such an ick! Ugh!
Feel compassion for the next woman he gets together with.

By the time DH and I had been together for nine months, we were already quite serious - I would have been devastated if he had ghosted me. Don't feel bad for feeling bad!

Yup. We hadn’t said I love you or anything, but it was there in every action, more so the last couple months. Things were more serious, we were closer, we briefly met each other’s kids. We planned a weekend away together for just before Christmas.

And he is just gone.

I need to stop dwelling, and stop posting woe is me comments. Sorry!

You have nothing to apologise for. Your loss is worth being sad over whilst you deal with it because it meant so much to you. You can't just brush that off. You said you were an hour away from each other, so a LDR. Perhaps when you were apart you felt he was still part of your life anyway, but he might have only felt connected when you were actually together and so was very much living solo between your together times. Not in a cheating way, but in a mind set way, he could just please himself and wasn't accountable to you unless you were in front of him. Some people compartmentalise like that. Perhaps you felt it deeper than he did because of that. Sounds like it was getting serious and he didn't want that, if you were starting to blend lives more and he didn't want that, he's just pushed you away. I'm so sorry he was such a coward. Remind yourself he is not a decent human, because you can end things respectfully and acknowledge what you've shared. He didn't do this. He has acted very poorly. That's on him, not you.

How are you, OP?

The thing I’ve learnt about Ghosters

is that they are very messed up people

to block and delete on that level takes energy

and on a deep level he WILL feel bad
he will feel like a shit human
but this is how avoidants roll
they run and hide

This isn’t you
this is him and his lack of backbone and courage

I know it’s so fuxking painful !

but it will pass xxx

I had that happen to me after a 5 year relationship

You have to pick yourself up & move on

Why chase someone who thought so little of you?

Easier said than done but some people are cowards & seem to lack the ability to have a conversation with someone which I thought all adults could do!

Says more about him than you

They always pop back up! Then it's a true joy to tell them exactly what I thought...in a controlled manner. I have gleaned much joy from this. Your time will come.

Ghosters are usually quite cowardly and have many people on the go in the potential dating pool. It is not always the case. I ghosted my ex. The first time I dumped him we had a detailed conversation about how I was not feeling the same way, didn't think it had a future and just wanted to call time. He agreed for a bit but came back begging, and wore me down with his self pity. A few more months of dating and it was clear it wasn't making me happy and I hinted that I wanted it to be over. I just stopped answering his messages. Normally I would have explained the situation, but it had got to the point where I had to practically kick him off my leg for begging for a relationship that was dead. I blocked him. He found my new social media account but I blocked him there too. I often ponder if I was cruel, but it would have dragged on forever otherwise. I am not excusing the man in your case, but he may have had negative experiences of breaking up with girlfriends in the past. His conduct leading up to the ghosting was odd, but you don't know what is really going on in someone's mind or life circumstances. I am sorry he upset you, and hope you find someone nice in the future. At least you know he wasn't right for you.

I’m ok. It’s still just this gnawing pain, not from the break up but from how. Just someone being that dismissive and uncaring… it makes the entire relationship seem like it was worth nothing and I feel a fool for thinking it was something. So I guess there is sadness and hurt but also embarrassment and that’s hard to swallow.

Going to feel crappy for a little while but, him doing that coincided with a couple weeks off work for home improvements so I didn’t have any distractions other than watching people plaster and paint! Now I’m back at work so back to normal life and other things to think about. That is helping and it’s starting to pass, I hope.

It’s horrible to go from being so close to nothing

it will throw you and make you totally judge your reactions and interactions

but I always say shift this from ‘what’s wrong with me ‘ to ‘what’s wrong with HIM’

this is a totally messed up way you behave and human being
he will have done this before and will do it again

he’s a scared coward

@Thisisworsethananticpated well said. It's so unfair that you're the one left coping with the consequences of his crappiness op.
I hope the distress does ease soon and doesn't taint future opportunities.

He sent a message. Literally just said, “Hope you’re having a good Saturday.”

He’s like Beetlejuice. I barely talked about him when he ghosted me weeks ago, but this week I did. Let my rants out on this thread and actually cried it my best friend after trying to hide how sad I was. So… clearly said his name too many times.

You were all right. They pop back up. It is taking everything not to reply, so I’m writing here instead.

The absolute cheek of him!!! Clearly desperate for you to give him some attention and for you to demand to know why he ghosted you. Then if you reply with anything other than "oh my gosh I'm so happy to hear from you I've missed you so much" etc etc he will block you again. Won't be able to handle any difficult conversations.

Or you could just reply "hi, who is this?"

I wish I could, but if I say anything then it’ll all end up coming out and we’ll have a bath and forth and then he’ll have me reeled in. I know what I’m like, and I know I won’t be able to talk to him and be detached.

Going to leave my phone at home and go out for a walk.

Focus on what YOU want from this. If you feel you really need answers/closure, then ask for an explanation. Once you've got that, then block him. OR if you've made your peace with what's happened, then block him now. You knew he'd come out of the woodwork, he has, so block him and take back control. He hasn't come to you with an explanation or an apology. It's almost gaslighting you with the "hope you're having a good Saturday".

"Buck up"

This is why ghosting has become so prevalent. The ghoster wants to leave an opening in case they decide to come back. Its as simple as that.

If they actually ended the relationship it takes away that option (or certainly makes it a lot more difficult). Ghosting means they can come back with some bullshit excuse and hope you'll buy it. This is why so many on this thread have talked about how the person tried to worm their way back in again.

Try and stay strong OP. There is no good reason for what he did to you, no matter what he says. And how could you ever feel secure with him again knowing that at any time he could block you again with no care or thought. Give him a taste of his own medicine by ignoring him completely.

I suspect he went on a few dates with someone else and it hasn't worked out. Regardless, you can do better.

Wow good for you for holding out and not replying. Knew he would come back! Tosser!
just remember the hurt he caused and remind yourself you don’t want to go through again because he will do it again if you give him half a chance! Cheeky git hasn’t even apologised!

You probably did absolutely nothing wrong. He's just a coward and a fking tosser for not telling you to your face.

He came back !
well done for not replying
no apology and no explanation either

and if you do , id understand as wanting closure is normal

but no idea how he will explain this
quiet is one thing
total blocking is another

How fucking dare he!!! I agree with a previous poster, the grass wasn't greener.

His loss, now you know OP....it wasn't you.