How does your dp/dh treat you when you’re poorly?

[Mitmat]

Just that really.

I’ve got a horrible cold. Yesterday I had a day off and came down stairs at 7.20. About 20 mins later than usual. He had started kids breakfasts but nothing else and I then took over. As I was coming down the stairs he started booing me presumably because he had had to do that small task. He said it was a joke but it didn’t feel like one.

this morning is worse, my voice is gone and my throat hurts badly. He has work this morning then football this afternoon. He sent dd to wake me for him leaving for work presumably so he didn’t have to ‘see’ how bad I was despite coughing all night. I went downstairs and he was so cold and almost pissed off when he saw / heard me. I’ve had very little sleep and asked him to sack football off so I can go to bed. Was greeted with huffs and puffs of oh I knew this was coming.

i feel like an inconvenience. I’m not expecting much, just a sense that I’m cared for. I really don’t feel that.

I have blood cancer and get v.tired.
We've just had lunch, its 25c here, and dh has put a cushion on the sunbed so I can have a nap.
He's put the suncream and a hat next to the sunbed because I'm more susceptible to skin cancer.
He always takes care of me.
I'm so lucky.

Well he sounds like a twat.

I will say though it can be quite frustrating when your partner is ill, especially if you have young kids. My DP has had a bad cold for what must be two weeks now and it's not like it doesn't effect me, I'm having to pick up loads of slack with the kids (and the baby caught his cold so has been unwell, though she's over it now and he isn't which I find odd) so am exhausted myself. The atmosphere is shit because he's so mopey with it. I do try to be sympathetic but I am getting quite fed up now. It's not his fault at all, but I think illness does take a toll on the whole household when there's young kids involved.

Your DP sounds really odd and immature (the booing) and like he mainly just didn't want to miss football, though.

Well he's back. Stomping around, throwing his keys down, telling me to go to bed if I'm that ill. Saying the house is a disgrace because there was a box of duplo and some magnetic letters on the floor. It hurts to lean forward, I think my sinuses are full so I hadnt picked them up even fhough ds was still playing. I'm so sad this is my life.

But don't you notice your washing and ironing everything, cleaning cooking and shopping for your man child? Why assume he will change

This is not a man who is going to want 50:50 care of the children if and when you split.

This is perhaps a man who will say he wants 50:50 or 'custody' of the children, but he won't; he'll be saying that out of spite.

He will probably, like huge swathes of such men before him and after him, manage 'access' every other weekend, and need someone to help him out with that, like his mum or new partner (or you).

Get well soon, hold your nerve, and good luck, OP

I did the same for my DD when she was married, he wouldn't care for her when ill...so i used to do it..not to enable him but because shes my daughter and i dont want her poorly and to know im there if shes ill... not alone. I still do things for her but thats just being a mum and she is busy with kids. Her new fella is really good though...i hope he cares for her when shes ill it takes the onus of me tbh, im tired. I hope she misses me when im gone like some have posted..but id rather know she will be cared for when im not around x

i'd be out of there. in a taxi.
go to ur mums get pampered and give him a bit of shock treatment. sorry op but ur man is a dick. give him a clue what it will be like daily for him if he doesn't get a bloody grip of himself. like you asked to be sick! hope u get better soon. xx

@Mitmat it doesn't have to be your life.

Bin the piece of shit.

This is mine to a tee. He ignores me. Thankfully kids flown the nest now. So I just do the duvet days alone. I'm used to it.

If I ever got really sick I think he'd fall apart completely. My friend got cancer she sent her OH to their holiday home to do jobs. Her DIL did all the hospital visits with her.

There are a million little things that I do that would never occur to him. Its partially why I haven't left. The kids care while with him would be substandard

Agree with the others. He isn't going to want to care for the DC and if DS does have his juice with a lid on occasionally that's much better than them having their DF around and you being unhappy

That's the saddest thing ive read on this post. Your friend had cancer and whilst treatment sent him away... because she knows hes crap when shes ill. Thats painful to read and to register. Ive been treated dreadfully but if i was ever seriously ill like that (hopefully never) and he didn't step up without drama..i would definitely get rid asap...its easier being on your own with support from DIL...Rather than having to direct him and think about him. Infuriates me

Mine abandoned me for 4 days when I was hysterical post op, I have major PTSD around hospitals. He took umbrage with me over a minor issue and left for days knowing I was alone and traumatised, and needed help with my dressings. I had to do it alone. Came back as if nothing had happened.

Me too ...i have severe anxiety around hospitals, im like a little child. I wail, miss home, i crawl into being a 5 year old!!. I hate to think you also have this anxiety and he knew it and left. What an absolutely selfish bastard

Thank you Loubelle. It's awful isn't it. I'm sorry you feel it too. He knew, he just got tired of it after a couple of days so picked a small fight over a tiny unrelated thing and left. Not even a text in the days he was gone. I loved him so much, but this is just one of the examples where I learned the hard way that he was not a decent man. I felt like I'd done something wrong by being "too much" but now I know it was on him. It's clearly too much for lots of men to step up when it actually matters, but by that time you're in too deep. I envy those that have decent partners who treat people well.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

Given what he's teaching your children by acting this way in front of them, they're far better off with you leaving than staying. They need to know that this is unacceptable and has consequences. You role modelling for them that it won't be accepted is very positive for their future relationships.

I hear ya @Bone11 . All of that.
Its horrendous treatment. I suppose it taught us something...we are older and wiser and wouldnt put up with that crap now...only thing we can thank them for 😁.
I also hate when anyone says 'youre too much"..."too loud" 'too' anything....go f*ck yourself 🤣...its because theyre "not enough" 😁. ♥️

Why d'you stay with him?

I feel your pain, I've got a similar one to yours. Never asks how I am when I'll, ignores it completely. I question our relationship at these points. He will do physical stuff like cook etc but dies not display any warmth or concern. It's hard.

He's a prick.

What is he like when he's ill? And kids?

What was he like when you were pregnant/postpartum?

Very good advice. I had never been really ill with my ex until I was pregnant, and he was utterly nasty and unsympathetic and this time us Up before baby was even born. Be warned ladies!

There are all sorts of colds though. I currently have an annoying sinus one but can still do stuff, I think some people only get these sorts.
There are also the kind of fevery horror shows that make you need to lie down - almost like mini flu- and if you don't rest you get really really sick.
I get both kinds but if I've dated guys that only tend to get the first kind I've found they're very un caring just suggest gojng for a run or something 😫

I think you should throw him in the bin op. He's going to expect you to nurse him when he's an old man- please don't

That's so sad. Did you tell your friends and family he treats you like this? Please do

I'm glad you have lovely parents op. So do I. I think that's how we know that men who act like this are wrong Uns. I really hope you leave him