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Original poster

How does your dp/dh treat you when you’re poorly?

149 replies

Mitmat · 07/10/2023 07:51

Just that really.

I’ve got a horrible cold. Yesterday I had a day off and came down stairs at 7.20. About 20 mins later than usual. He had started kids breakfasts but nothing else and I then took over. As I was coming down the stairs he started booing me presumably because he had had to do that small task. He said it was a joke but it didn’t feel like one.

this morning is worse, my voice is gone and my throat hurts badly. He has work this morning then football this afternoon. He sent dd to wake me for him leaving for work presumably so he didn’t have to ‘see’ how bad I was despite coughing all night. I went downstairs and he was so cold and almost pissed off when he saw / heard me. I’ve had very little sleep and asked him to sack football off so I can go to bed. Was greeted with huffs and puffs of oh I knew this was coming.

i feel like an inconvenience. I’m not expecting much, just a sense that I’m cared for. I really don’t feel that.

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 07/10/2023 11:46

I've had covid this week and he called my grandma and got my favourite chicken noodle soup recipe from her and made me a huge vat of it, just how she did when I was a child. He's completely taken over all housework, dog walking duties, cooking etc. Keeps bringing me tea and books and snacks and Lucozade. I'm not even that poorly really but he's absolutely insisted on nursing me (I think because I don't get sick often, he's quite enjoying the opportunity to look after me as I'm usually a very independent person 🤣)

If I could marry him again I would.

You deserve to be treated better and with more kindness OP, I'm sorry you're feeling so crap.

Original poster
Mitmat · 07/10/2023 11:47

It's definitely much worse since having kids. I came down because I'd dreaded to think the state the kids would be sent to school like if I didn't. He claims he cannot put a bobble in dds hair, despite never trying and refusing my offers to learn.

He'd started ds's packed lunch but put his juice in with It's lid on (ds has sen and wouldn't think to ask for help and wouldn't be able to do it on his own so everything has to be literally ready to consume.)

There are a million little things that I do that would never occur to him. Its partially why I haven't left. The kids care while with him would be substandard.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mitmat · 07/10/2023 11:50

Its nice to know there are some lovely husbands in the world too. My dad is one, I just hope I raise ds to be more thoughtful than his father

OP posts:
Vocaladvocaat · 07/10/2023 11:51

Cup of tea and a kiss

TealSapphire · 07/10/2023 11:53

@Peacendkindness what a shithead your ex is, he didn't step up one bit. Absolute prime example of a cunt.

Mine used to say that illness affected him more severely as viruses would 'mutate' when in his body. I kid you not. No matter what the sickness was with me/the kids he either was much sicker or had been more sick in the past.

Mirabai · 07/10/2023 11:53

Does he have any plus points?

SherbetLemonn · 07/10/2023 11:56

ew he sounds absolutely awful. How dare you inconvenience him by becoming unwell 🙄
In answer to your actual question, my husband is kind. He does as much as he can to make my life easier.. lucky really as I’ve got questionable health in several ways so I need his support more than maybe some might.

ChaToilLeam · 07/10/2023 11:57

My DP tucks me in, brings me cups of tea and bowls of soup and hot water bottles and generally just takes care of everything, just as I do for him. Just as my dad did when I was sick as a kid.

Sorry OP, he’s a fucking selfish dickhead.

INTERNETEXPL0RER · 07/10/2023 11:59

Mitmat · 07/10/2023 11:47

It's definitely much worse since having kids. I came down because I'd dreaded to think the state the kids would be sent to school like if I didn't. He claims he cannot put a bobble in dds hair, despite never trying and refusing my offers to learn.

He'd started ds's packed lunch but put his juice in with It's lid on (ds has sen and wouldn't think to ask for help and wouldn't be able to do it on his own so everything has to be literally ready to consume.)

There are a million little things that I do that would never occur to him. Its partially why I haven't left. The kids care while with him would be substandard.

Men like him don’t care for their kids once you split . Yes of course they make a lot of noise about how they want 50:59 cos that’s their rights and because they don’t want to pay child support.

But none of then ever do when they realise that

they will have to do half of the schools holidays as well

they can’t just pick and choose the days that work for them and you will do the rest

they will have to do everything and provide everything while the kids are with them - they won’t arrive with a suitcase full of clean clothes , duplicate electronics/ toys and packed meals for the duration

they can’t palm the kids off on their mother / sister / new DP

there are much easier ways to avoid paying child support .

NonMiDispiace · 07/10/2023 12:04

Mine’s like yours OP.
When I had Covid I survived for 4 days on a bottle of water I refilled in the bathroom and a packet of biscuits. I’ve already told him that should I need to go to hospital I will book into a hotel afterwards. I’m not joking. He does sweet fa .

CombatLingerie · 07/10/2023 12:10

Sorry you are unwell OP and are not getting the care and love you deserve. My DH is a very kind man but utterly useless! I have been very unwell with COVID. He has been kind to me and tried his best to look after me but is crap at it. His mother was vile and I don’t think he ever got any sort of ‘caring’ from her as a child. I absolutely dread getting ill and having to rely on my DH for my care.

DarkWingDuck · 07/10/2023 12:15

My Dp would tell me to go to bed and take everything over that he could. If he was working and couldn’t get out of it I would still have to do drop offs and pick ups but he would cover everything else. He would certainly skip something like football for it, as would I for him. Especially for something like a cold that’s likely just a couple of days once or twice a year.

CombatLingerie · 07/10/2023 12:15

That’s awful @NonMiDispiace you poor soul! Even my useless specimen would bring me a drink.

Oldsoldiersfadeaway · 07/10/2023 12:18

I’m laid up with raging period pain today and my husband is being brilliant as he is every month and any other time I’m unwell. It means a lot, especially as my father was even more of an arse than usual when my mum was ill.

YukoandHiro · 07/10/2023 12:20

My DH isn't as bad but I know what you're talking about in terms of coldness and irritation. I've excused him it a lot because he has had a lot of sudden and unexpected bereavement in his life and I think any illness, even a mild one, scares him deep down. But after 15 years together and two kids it is starting to grate.

My parents are still around and my mum often helps out if we're all ill so DH doesn't have to miss work - even though I don't think that's right (she's v traditional so always offers before I even ask).

Sometimes I think about how lonely I will feel when I'm ill when my mum is gone.

YukoandHiro · 07/10/2023 12:25

Tbf though he doesn't expect me to do anything for him at all when he's ill , even tho I do by choice. He's sort of stoic about illness and won't take a day off work unless he's running a fever of 40 or something.

CombatLingerie · 07/10/2023 12:26

@YukoandHiro your Mum sounds so lovely. I will admit to crying for my late DM I was that ill recently.

Original poster
Mitmat · 07/10/2023 12:28

Yes to that @YukoandHiro. My parents don't know how bad dh is but they step up anyway. I'm mid 30s but they've checked on me twice so far today and even made and dropped off lunch for the dc just so I don't have to. That's love.

OP posts:
Mylovelygreendress · 07/10/2023 12:29

DH pulls his weight anyway but I had cancer last year followed by chemo and he was amazing but I never thought he would be otherwise as he is a kind man . Even in 2023 some people were surprised with how much he did !

YukoandHiro · 07/10/2023 12:31

jannier · 07/10/2023 11:38

Why do so many women accept this shit? Does it only start once you have kids?

I think it's only noticeable then as that's when there's so much domestic work that needs to be done every frigging day

PTSDBarbiegirl · 07/10/2023 12:35

Just aswell you don't have anything more serious. Use it as a wake up call for your future. My DP does everything for me and wouldn't think twice about caring for the DC, cleaning house, getting me meals, meds etc. He shows his love by caring for me and I do the same. I have an ongoing health issue so he often takes a caring role. I had a man child husband in the past which probably contributed to my current health issue, get rid total arse.

petalsandstars · 07/10/2023 12:37

My DH was amazing when we were first married/ pre kids if I was ill. Got me toast/ water if I needed anything and cleaned up etc doing normal household things. Since the DC were born though he doesn’t act like that anymore. I’ve had a horrid cold the last few days and had mardy comments from him about going to work, saying I should go and see a DR or go to the hospital because I had a productive cough, then when I came home early from work and was resting on the sofa he wanted me to help him clean up the kitchen. It’s more an inconvenience to him if I’m ill. mind if he has the same symptoms he’s dying in bed or in the dressing gown of doom.

I call him out on it each time re his hypocrisy and don’t accept that shit anymore

YukoandHiro · 07/10/2023 12:38

CombatLingerie · 07/10/2023 12:26

@YukoandHiro your Mum sounds so lovely. I will admit to crying for my late DM I was that ill recently.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know I will do the same at some point.
The sadness is the price to pay for being so loved when they were alive, which is a privilege

CombatLingerie · 07/10/2023 12:43

@YukoandHiro thank you.

Hbh17 · 07/10/2023 12:48

He is just practical. Asks me if I want anything, and then leaves me alone, which is my preference. In fact, I'd probably tell him to go out and then I could just sleep for a few hours to recover.