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Original poster

Mum friend copying my every move.

113 replies

EastDulwichMummy93 · 05/10/2023 15:02

I met three wonderful mums at a pregnancy class four years ago, we became very close and so are our children. We went on to have second children at the same time, by coincidence, and I completely value their friendships. We navigated pregnancy, covid, the newborn year, and beyond together. I genuinly love them.

There is one mum in the group who I have grown particuarly close to, we each have a girl who are also close, there's just one problem, she copies everything I do and it's really starting to annoy me.

If I buy clothes for my daughter, she buys the same clothes (she even asks me where they are from), each year she has gone on holiday to the same place as us, next year shes booked the same place as us and we will be there at the same time. I run a small buisness and when I make something she makes something similar. It's become a running joke with me and my husband that she copies us and we shouldn't mention anything to her. It's got to a point now that if I mention that my daughter likes a TV show, the next week her daughter is that TV shows biggest fan and has a soft toy from the show. I feel like my daughter and me can't have any individuality in the group as we have a carbon copy behind us!

I'm wondering if other people would find this strange and if I should distance myself from her or just look the other way?

OP posts:
Broccoliforever · 05/10/2023 15:27

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KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 05/10/2023 15:40

This would annoy me too. I’ve had something similar in the past and have totally distanced myself from the person. People might tell you it’s a form of compliment but it becomes exhausting and you end up not feeling able to talk about anything for fear of being copied!

BMW6 · 05/10/2023 15:45

Have some fun with it. Tell her you're getting a tattoo.
Lie about where an outfit she admires comes from, or say you can't remember.

Or just tell her that you like her but her copying is becoming irritating.

Millybob · 05/10/2023 15:46

All kids watch the same TV shows. I'm watching a series that my friend mentioned the other day. I doubt she feels this threatens any unique qualities she brings to our friendship.
Tell your friend that you buy all your daughter's clothes from TKMaxx and often there's only one on the rail. If she wants to spend her days rummaging to find a match, leave her to it.

Jibo · 05/10/2023 15:46

Ugh, copycats are so annoying. Just stop meeting her outside of group get-togethers, block her from seeing your socials and and stop telling her anything.

Funkyslippers · 05/10/2023 15:48

BMW6 love the idea of having a bit of fun with it 🤣. The possibilities are endless....!

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2023 15:51

Her copying you is actually a compliment. She likes you, she likes your style, and she might have insecurity issues that make her believe that if she does what you do, that makes her valuable/desirable in your eyes.

The only thing I would take issue with is this...

each year she has gone on holiday to the same place as us, next year shes booked the same place as us and we will be there at the same time.

That would really, really bother me. A lot. That is a MASSIVE step too far.

Newgirls · 05/10/2023 16:13

I had this and it got weird. Like she would book the same holiday destination but not mention it until ages later so was secretive about it? Seemed to have a lot of opinions or awareness about what I was doing. Wasn’t a friend in the end more like a weird rival. So odd.

vapesareforsnakes · 05/10/2023 16:30

I would have GREAT fun with this.

Broccoliforever · 05/10/2023 16:42

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SisterMichaelsHabit · 05/10/2023 16:46

It sounds like she absolutely adores you and wants to be just like you. She might not realise that what she's doing is bothering you. I wouldn't be mean to her because it will really hurt her that the person she admires so much could do that to her. I'd just "forget" or say "charity shop" about everything you buy and say DH is surprising you with your next holiday.

Hygeelady · 05/10/2023 16:57

I would swap holidays and not say 🤣 and then casually drop it in at the last minute but don't say the hotel 🤣

This would wind me up a treat. Don't tell her your business anymore...

PrincessHoneysuckle · 05/10/2023 17:04

Don't watch Single White Female whatever you do.

NotSuchASmugMarried · 05/10/2023 17:05

Also came on here to say have some fun with it. The possibilities are endless.

Cumbrianlife · 05/10/2023 17:06

Name change fail?

Broccoliforever · 05/10/2023 17:08

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HadEnoughOfBears · 05/10/2023 17:09

Cumbrianlife · 05/10/2023 17:06

Name change fail?

Where?

DatingDinosaur · 05/10/2023 17:10

Sounds like she looks up to you and is trying to emulate that. Maybe she thinks your life is better than hers and is trying to improve her "lot", so to speak.

Also consider she might be neurodiverse - copying is a form of masking to fit in, make friends, etc.

Could you see it more as she's taking inspiration from you to broaden her horizons, rather than mocking her (as some people suggest)?

Grimchmas · 05/10/2023 17:12

100% I would see have fun seeing how far she would take this

Show her sketches for the awful tattoo you are getting in a very private place.

Wear awful clothes from a charity shop, tell her they had two, and redonate the one you bought and wore once

wildwestpioneer · 05/10/2023 17:14

I'd take the vast snoring as a compliment and ignore it, or like others you could have a bit of fun with it.

But I'd not be happy about the holiday situation next year. Is she staying in the same hotel or area? Is she expecting it to be a joint holiday - I'd nip it in the bud now and make it clear this is a family holiday for you, your dh and dc and that it's lovely she's got a holiday booked you want to spend time with your family and not her.

Itham · 05/10/2023 17:15

When it happens to you it isn't fun, it isn't flattering, it's horrible. I hear you OP.

I had to move away in the end, it became too extreme to cope with.

wildwestpioneer · 05/10/2023 17:16

Vast snoring Grin where the hell did that come from!

mangochops · 05/10/2023 17:20

I agree its annoying but I would also have some fun by telling her you're going to buy/do/plan some ridiculous things and then just laugh when she ends up looking a fool.

On a more serious note, I just wouldnt tell her anything.

eg. "where did you get that outfit?"-" oh years ago abroad, cant even remember where" or "it was a gift, no idea where its from"

"whats your daughter into now?"- "oh loads of stuff, she's very eclectic lol"

"where are you going on holiday?"- "havent decided yet, not sure" etc

Just be very vague and never disclose anything.

Hickry · 05/10/2023 17:28

I had a friend like this as a teen and it is not flattering when it happens to you. It's maddening and a tad creepy!

The holiday wouldn't be staying the same in your shoes. I'd be changing the date to the week before, or changing to a different destination and not saying anything until afterwards. Holidays for me are a holiday from other people too, not in a mean way, but to focus on just my own household and have quality time. Not a chance I'd be going to the same place on the same dates as this person!

Clothing I'd just say it's from a charity shop, or an ex catalogue shop and doesn't have a brand label. Has no one else in the friend group noticed the clothes copying?

LoopyLooooo · 05/10/2023 17:30

wildwestpioneer · 05/10/2023 17:16

Vast snoring Grin where the hell did that come from!

I wish I'd spotted this post sooner.

I've just spent about 3 minutes staring blankly at 'vast snoring' 🤣🤣🤣

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