Mum friend copying my every move.

[EastDulwichMummy93]

I met three wonderful mums at a pregnancy class four years ago, we became very close and so are our children. We went on to have second children at the same time, by coincidence, and I completely value their friendships. We navigated pregnancy, covid, the newborn year, and beyond together. I genuinly love them.

There is one mum in the group who I have grown particuarly close to, we each have a girl who are also close, there's just one problem, she copies everything I do and it's really starting to annoy me.

If I buy clothes for my daughter, she buys the same clothes (she even asks me where they are from), each year she has gone on holiday to the same place as us, next year shes booked the same place as us and we will be there at the same time. I run a small buisness and when I make something she makes something similar. It's become a running joke with me and my husband that she copies us and we shouldn't mention anything to her. It's got to a point now that if I mention that my daughter likes a TV show, the next week her daughter is that TV shows biggest fan and has a soft toy from the show. I feel like my daughter and me can't have any individuality in the group as we have a carbon copy behind us!

I'm wondering if other people would find this strange and if I should distance myself from her or just look the other way?

I wouldn't tell her where you are going on holiday. If she has booked the same place as you every year for four years, how have you reacted when she tells you? Have you not reacted incredulously and crossly? If you haven't reacted she will be assuming you are happy about it.

Just tell her you’re going to Florida, then at the last minute say ‘ohhhh I’m such a silly sausage, I meant Florence’

I have been that friend as a child and a young adult and now I cringe!. Not quite to the extent that it is happening in your case, but I did copy my best friend's choice of toys clothes etc as a child, then as a young adult copied another close friend's home decor! I am definitely neurodiverse, and somehow thought that I was fitting in, or thought that because my friend liked playing in a tent at her house, she would like to do it at my house too. I am sure there is absolutely no malice intended and she probably doesn't realise she is doing it. Definitely lacking in self-awareness. I think you could kindly and with humour, call her out on it. In a way, I wish that had been done to me. I don't do it now as far as I know, so I grew in to my own tastes eventually.

Or you're going to Turkey, on the day before, whoops, you meant Torquay.

Tell her you've booked yourself a double nipple piercing at the weekend.

Yeah feed her misinformation. I hate copying, some say its flattering I find it highly annoying, don't know why. On a different level, if I cut grass neighbour is out an hour later and does hers. OH always says why you bothered, she can cut it when she wants!.

Dh says
Huge fake tattoo on your arm an anchor or something
I say join a swingers club or tell her you have
Fake book an expensive holiday long hall Dubai etc

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I would find it unnerving to say the least
I'm guessing she's not confident in her own decisions so copied you to fit in
The holiday is a step too far,there are plenty of other destinations in the world!
What is her Partner like?
I think I'd tell her the least you can, without being rude, if you value her as a friend which you do
Forget where you buy things for example

It's annoying but I'd let it go, or just stop telling her things if it's that bad. All this "have some fun with it" is just mean, we're not in the playground! Don't tell her where you're going on holiday next time if you don't want her to come... just don't mention it.

Yes I'd find this really annoying. Do you think you can ask her about it. ? It sound like an insecurity thing

I wouldn't share details of holidays. ("Not sure, we will probably get a last minute deal")

Clothes/tv shows I could probably ignore although I'd be tempted to give wrong shop when she asks about clothes.

Mostly I would just let her get on with it, copying clothes, I would just keep saying I can't remember where I got things from if you can't actually have a conversation about you liking to have your own style for your DD.

The holiday thing would annoy me, is she planning in your families meeting up on holiday, has she booked the same hotel and did she know when you were going or was it a coincidence.

i would honestly cancel that holiday, she will be at u every minute.
it will put u a bit out of pocket but i'd get the date changed and don't tell
her till the last
minute. just say emergency business reasons, hubbys annual
leave or something.

I can understand what you mean about the TV program, it's a bad example. What I mean is, if my daughter shows an interest in something then a week later her daughter is "supposedly" a big fan, has the soft toy, the t-shirt ect and it happens with everything. Too much for it to be a coincidence. My daughter started swimming lessons- her daughter starts swimming, my daughter wants a bike for Christmas- her daughter does, my daughter wants to be Minnie mouse for Halloween- her daughter does, I'm going to Bath with my husband- she’s going to bath. On their own these instances are nothing, but together they are exhausting.

The holiday is a difficult one because of newborn babies and covid we were restricted on where we could go and neither of us had experience with UK breaks, so the first was Cornwall (no big deal everyone goes there), then it was the same centre parc site, then it was a city break to Bath, now it's a holiday in Ibiza. I went to Ibiza last year and have booked to go again and this is when she has booked to go at the same time.

I think it bugs me too because whenever she copies me she has to "one-up" me, so in Ibiza shes's staying in the best hotel

Thank you for this, I genuinly value my friendship with her- but it's just exhausting at times.

We see each other 3-4 times a week and our kids love seeing each other, I really don't want to lose my friendship.

But does it affect your enjoyment of a weekend at Bath if your friend goes with her husband (assuming it's not the same hotel at the same time)?
Lots of people go to Bath.
Most kids have bikes and swimming lessons. I only wanted a Sindy doll because my friend had one; advertisers depend on this!
if you want to be unique, maybe you need to spin your own wool and stitch your kids' clothes by hand. We're all living in a mass-produced society.

She doesn't work, I have a small business selling books and trinkets. We see each other 3-4 times a week for kids clubs and then the odd weekend or night out.

I do try and not tell her things or not answer or questions directly but I'm quite an open person and I find that hard

Buy some clothes from vinted so she can't copy.

This. And report back when you do.