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Original poster

THOUGHTS ON PARTNER WATCHING PORN

131 replies

Chantelle2019 · 02/10/2023 16:27

What is everyone's thoughts on your partner watching porn even though you do not agree with it?

OP posts:
RiderofRohan · 05/10/2023 13:05

I wouldn't care as I truly believe the vast majority of men (and a good chunk of women) watch porn, whether they admit it or not.

VesperLynne · 05/10/2023 14:31

OnedayTwodays · 05/10/2023 12:57

I read and listen to everything from feminism, human trafficking, human rights, news to interviews from former sex workers. Those things get explicit.
I’ve also listen to women who have partners that have lost themselves into porn.

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I'm not such an expert on pornography, nor do I have the time to study it like you clearly have, mainly because I'm too busy trying to save people's lives. But I do know that taking an extreme point of view and templating that over the entire thing is a distortion.

Many women, certainly in the form of OnlyFans, make an awful lot of money from flashing their fannies on video, and nobody holds a gun to their head, quite the reverse.

I read, in the Guardian of all things, that over 50% of all traffic over the internet is pornographic in nature, so there must be an awful lot of abusive wankers out there, male and female. Most things are harmful at the extremes, even taking such a keen interest I would suggest, but the reality is more "Inbetweeners" than Andrew Tate. I also read, again in the Guardian, that most porn in this country is girl-on-girl action. I have no idea if there is much slapping or choking there. You would know more than me. But I would suggest hubby or wifey having a sly Arthur J to Lesbains in Love isn't going to cause a rupture in society.

Pornography has been around for a long time and however much pearl-clutching or finger-waving goes on here, it's not going away.

But everybody is entitled to their opinion, this is just mine.

Chickpea17 · 05/10/2023 14:36

Couldn't care less really as long as he doesn't expect to get into bed with me after and get your socks off. His body his choice

OnedayTwodays · 05/10/2023 14:45

VesperLynne · 05/10/2023 14:31

I'm not such an expert on pornography, nor do I have the time to study it like you clearly have, mainly because I'm too busy trying to save people's lives. But I do know that taking an extreme point of view and templating that over the entire thing is a distortion.

Many women, certainly in the form of OnlyFans, make an awful lot of money from flashing their fannies on video, and nobody holds a gun to their head, quite the reverse.

I read, in the Guardian of all things, that over 50% of all traffic over the internet is pornographic in nature, so there must be an awful lot of abusive wankers out there, male and female. Most things are harmful at the extremes, even taking such a keen interest I would suggest, but the reality is more "Inbetweeners" than Andrew Tate. I also read, again in the Guardian, that most porn in this country is girl-on-girl action. I have no idea if there is much slapping or choking there. You would know more than me. But I would suggest hubby or wifey having a sly Arthur J to Lesbains in Love isn't going to cause a rupture in society.

Pornography has been around for a long time and however much pearl-clutching or finger-waving goes on here, it's not going away.

But everybody is entitled to their opinion, this is just mine.

Show quote history

Well, you clearly have had enough time to read whatever you needed to read to excuse it.
Amazing you had the time from all the ’life saving’ you claim to do, too bad it doesn’t extend to all the girls and women in the sex industry who could really need it.

Just my opinion.

RiderofRohan · 05/10/2023 16:07

Saving lives lol. What are you on about?

Panaa · 05/10/2023 17:08

Martin83 · 05/10/2023 09:39

Umm, well, obviously what you suggest is misogynistic, as you're not mentioning the beauty of the male form: the male gaze is itself misogynistic because it inherently others and denies the subjectivity of the female.

Absolutely brilliant logic: To admire women's beauty is somehow misogynistic and to admire men's beauty is somehow misandristic. So if you watch beautiful people making love you have to somehow hate both of them.
I do try to understand this quasi-religious views of misogynistic objectification and every time the picture of Taliban comes to mind. Let's hide women behind vale so that other people can't judge her.
The whole idea of feminism is to give women power to decide her fate. It's not for you or me to judge the girls who decide to have a career in the adult film industry.

Part of giving women power to decide their fate means stopping exploitation.

You have very strange ideas about 'admiring beauty' and 'making love'. 😂

The stuff you're coming out with sounds even creepier than what a regular man who enjoys porn would say!!

CurlewKate · 05/10/2023 18:20

@VesperLynne "Pornography has been around for a long time and however much pearl-clutching or finger-waving goes on here, it's not going away. "

Bulk,widespread,free, internet porn hasn't been around very long at all.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/10/2023 18:53

@CurlewKate nor the ability for people to get it easily and free and hide their use very easily too. It's interesting in the 80s and early 90s if a bloke had been sticking a hardcore porn DVD or video on every other day - many if not most women would have thought their partner an utter sleaze, found this really grim and a LTB offence. An awful lot of men in particular do watch this regularly and many with partners who are totally oblivious

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2023 19:02

Martin83 · 04/10/2023 21:21

I would agree with you the internet age has created some very low quality pornography. Some of which is catered for extremely weird fantasies and fetishes. The golden age where films were made with skilful acting and big budgets are gone. But to deny pornographic expression natural human beauty is being totally blind.

Over the past 175 years women have fought for the right to use her body the way she sees fit. And to deny her this basic right is a misogyny in the purest form.

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What proportion of women in porn (or prostitution) are there voluntarily?

Panaa · 05/10/2023 19:22

Martin83 · 04/10/2023 21:21

I would agree with you the internet age has created some very low quality pornography. Some of which is catered for extremely weird fantasies and fetishes. The golden age where films were made with skilful acting and big budgets are gone. But to deny pornographic expression natural human beauty is being totally blind.

Over the past 175 years women have fought for the right to use her body the way she sees fit. And to deny her this basic right is a misogyny in the purest form.

Show quote history

Misogyny in its purest form? really Martin? 😂

So let's say we 'denied the right' to 18 year old girls to sign up to do a porn scene for a few hundred pounds where they are degraded to extreme levels, suffer a lot of pain and often need medical treatment after, and where the vast majority end up regretting their decision to get into porn......that's misogyny at it's purest form?

You wouldn't consider that men who seek out those girls know exactly their vulnerabilities that will lead them to porn, know the little psychological tricks to entice them in and alleviate their fears, who KNOW that so many of the girls will end up regretting it, who KNOW that they end up traumatised, who happily take their cut when they drop these barely legal girls off at the porn shoot knowing well how they are going to be brutalised there by older men.....to be misogyny in it's purest form?

Martin83 · 05/10/2023 21:27

Panna I would agree with you that young girls and boys make damaging, life changing decisions based on their social environment. Where they see no social justice, horrendous inequality and no hope for the future. When these vulnerable young girls/boys are exploited, there should be no mercy for this criminals. They deserve the harshest punishment.

However my point was different. Misogyny towards women in my opinion is to deny her the right to have a say on what she does with her body. If we look at the strictest religious communities where women have to hide their body and face, where she is treated like an object this is pure misogyny.

Panaa · 05/10/2023 23:37

Martin83 · 05/10/2023 21:27

Panna I would agree with you that young girls and boys make damaging, life changing decisions based on their social environment. Where they see no social justice, horrendous inequality and no hope for the future. When these vulnerable young girls/boys are exploited, there should be no mercy for this criminals. They deserve the harshest punishment.

However my point was different. Misogyny towards women in my opinion is to deny her the right to have a say on what she does with her body. If we look at the strictest religious communities where women have to hide their body and face, where she is treated like an object this is pure misogyny.

Well that's a very black and white 'convenient' opinion, but it doesn't stand up to scrutiny.
There are certain things people can do with their body that are likely to cause extreme harm to the person, barely legal teens getting involved in porn with disgusting older men being one of them.

We stop people from self harming, we stop them from donating organs.

Surrogacy is a controversial subject but one specific to women. Even though some women do it for truly altruistic reasons, there also the women who do it due to financial necessity, so there are lots of concerns about exploitation.

It's not misogyny to want to restrict certain extreme 'choices' that are extremely likely to cause immense harm to the individual, just like it wouldn't be a breach of your right to bodily autonomy to stop you from selling your organs. Some restrictions have to be put in place to protect vulnerable people.

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 03:54

@Martin83 "The golden age where films were made with skilful acting and big budgets are gone."

The golden age of pornography? Talk to me about this "golden age" ....

Masterofhappydays · 06/10/2023 09:00

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 03:54

@Martin83 "The golden age where films were made with skilful acting and big budgets are gone."

The golden age of pornography? Talk to me about this "golden age" ....

…and the love making!

I know we all have different opinions, but suggesting porn is not misogynistic, just some free spirited women making love on camera, for males to appreciate their form….

….I just can’t stop laughing! Comedy gold!

KirstHD1 · 06/10/2023 10:10

If you object to him watching porn that is fine. However lots men enjoy being stimulated by visual images when they are masturbating. My husband does and I don't have a problem. Do you object to your husband masturbating? Do you masturbate? I masturbate and would be pretty pissed of if he tried to stop me doing it. And yes we have a good sex life.

Lostcotter · 06/10/2023 10:15

Masterofhappydays · 06/10/2023 09:00

…and the love making!

I know we all have different opinions, but suggesting porn is not misogynistic, just some free spirited women making love on camera, for males to appreciate their form….

….I just can’t stop laughing! Comedy gold!

Show quote history

You really couldn’t make it up 🤣

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 10:47

@KirstHD1 "Do you object to your husband masturbating? Do you masturbate? I masturbate and would be pretty pissed of if he tried to stop me doing it. And yes we have a good sex life."

This thread is most definitely not about masturbation. It's about the freely available images of exploited and trafficked women and what such images of women being abused is doing to our society's view of of both women and sex.

StarlightLady · 06/10/2023 10:53

Genuine question, so don’t shoot me down in flames. Is there anything to suggest that trafficking and exploitation is any more rife than in the sweat shops providing the clothes on your back?

What about big studio American porn using actors from the USA?

The Me Too movement demonstrates major problems in the mainstream as well.

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 12:44

@StarlightLady "Is there anything to suggest that trafficking and exploitation is any more rife than in the sweat shops providing the clothes on your back?"
Not sure what the relevance of the question is. "This piece of exploitation is awful, so that makes this bit OK"

People have to wear clothes. They do not have to watch porn.

It is possible to significantly reduce if not eliminate buying clothes made by exploited people. The same is not true of porn.

The appalling presence of sweat shops and worse in the clothing industry does not completely skew young people's attitude to what they wear.

Desecratedcoconut · 06/10/2023 12:56

I'm struggling to think of the horrors in the clothing industry that might be akin to being violently raped, beaten and strangled, for entertainment?

It's not that I don't think that there's not exploitation and violence in some corners of that production line but that harm isn't the product.

Martin83 · 06/10/2023 13:02

StarlightLady · 06/10/2023 10:53

Genuine question, so don’t shoot me down in flames. Is there anything to suggest that trafficking and exploitation is any more rife than in the sweat shops providing the clothes on your back?

What about big studio American porn using actors from the USA?

The Me Too movement demonstrates major problems in the mainstream as well.

Thank you a very good point. People tend to overlook the problem if it's far away.
Let me give you an issue which in my opinion is the biggest cause of misogyny is this country. Childcare at £100/day. How many careers and aspirations have been ruined because of these.

I can name a dozen of issues in this country where women interested are systematically destroyed. And pornography has nothing to do with it.

If women choose to be in an adult film industry we have to respect it.

Desecratedcoconut · 06/10/2023 13:05

I'm struggling to think of the horrors in the clothing industry that might be akin to being violently raped, beaten and strangled, for entertainment?

And, the answer is ....childcare costs? 🤷

Panaa · 06/10/2023 14:02

Martin83 · 06/10/2023 13:02

Thank you a very good point. People tend to overlook the problem if it's far away.
Let me give you an issue which in my opinion is the biggest cause of misogyny is this country. Childcare at £100/day. How many careers and aspirations have been ruined because of these.

I can name a dozen of issues in this country where women interested are systematically destroyed. And pornography has nothing to do with it.

If women choose to be in an adult film industry we have to respect it.

Show quote history

No Martin, we don't, because doing so turns a complete blind eye to the fact that the vast majority who enter porn are harmed and regret it.

We don't have to respect peoples decisions to do things that amount to self-harm or allowing others to abuse them.

Pinkglobelamp · 06/10/2023 14:51

Panaa · 06/10/2023 14:02

No Martin, we don't, because doing so turns a complete blind eye to the fact that the vast majority who enter porn are harmed and regret it.

We don't have to respect peoples decisions to do things that amount to self-harm or allowing others to abuse them.

Edited
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Plus the vast, devastating harm that perpetuating and encouraging the objectification of women to women does. We're all very seriously harmed by porn, not just the women who participate in it.

CurlewKate · 06/10/2023 14:52

@Martin83 How do you know that the women in the porn you watch are doing it out of completely free choice? How do you know they are not being exploited or hurt? How do you know that they are not being forced to do things they have not chosen and consented to do?