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Original poster

What makes somebody a serial cheat?

129 replies

TYb · 02/10/2023 07:40

Why do you think they do it?

Selfishness?
Ego?
Insecurity?
Immaturity?

Just pondering over my cereal why my DC's father was never 'able' to keep it in his pants.

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 03/10/2023 00:37

@Sapphire3
Monogamy was not meant to serve as a moral imperative and it does not seem to be a need that is hard wired into most species. The real purpose was to be able to attribute paternity in an orderly fashion; that is why most polygamous societies allowed men to have multiple wives but women were not accorded the same privilege.

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 00:48

Mari9999 · 03/10/2023 00:37

@Sapphire3
Monogamy was not meant to serve as a moral imperative and it does not seem to be a need that is hard wired into most species. The real purpose was to be able to attribute paternity in an orderly fashion; that is why most polygamous societies allowed men to have multiple wives but women were not accorded the same privilege.

Also, those societies don't view women as human beings. We are livestock to them, for men to buy, own and trade.

Sapphire3 · 03/10/2023 09:11

I can’t stand it when people emphatically state “humans aren’t hardwired for monogamy” do you speak for everyone then, because I 100% am wired for and fully desire monogamy. I don’t get sexual thoughts about others and can only feel those things when I’m in love. Don’t make blanket statements that are not reflective of anyone truly but how you feel inside, and others like you.

PaintedEgg · 03/10/2023 09:56

if we are going the "scientific" route humans are very much "serial monogamists" - ie we don't mate for life like swans, but it is very much natural for us to desire monogamous relationships even if they are going to eventually end.

Cheating is in fact often associated with the cheater either feeling unsatisfied with their primary relationship (exist affairs and all that jazz) or having some sort of emotional deficit that makes it hard for them to build and maintain close intimate relationships

think back to every person who you knew to be a serial cheater - were they a good friend? sibling? parent?

bit anecdotal, but every person I know who was like that was also incredibly selfish, immature and downright annoying with some sort of drama following wherever they went

Sapphire3 · 03/10/2023 11:02

Exactly, I agree with you @paintedegg, I find it funny how people spout this stuff like it’s scientific fact when it’s in fact not. As humans we are all vastly different, some people are even asexual desiring no sex connection with anyone ever. Some can only feel romantic and sexual attraction when they are falling in love, (me) and have fierce loyalty to their partner no matter how rough it can get (me), they see sex as totally sacred and think deeply about it. Some can separate sex and love easily and desire multiple partners and sex for fun. Those I have met that are polyamorous in their way of thinking exhibit selfish and immature traits no matter how they dress it up. Above board cheaters I call them. Those who cheat and deceive behind a partners back are just the lowest of the low, wanting monogamy from a partner while not wanting that for themselves. Ultimately humans are incredibly varied, not just some animal species where we are all the same, thinking they same, “wired” the same. I believe that those who are emotionally healthy with a sincere heart, are monogamy driven, but there’s all types in this world.

Willson · 03/10/2023 12:50

I think people can cheat for a variety of reasons.

Firstly; having a bad marriage and being too weak or immature to deal with that with integrity.

Secondly; emotional or psychological issues of their own - such as depression or past trauma and, again being too immature to handle it.

Thirdly; poor character traits such as entitlement, selfishness and weak ego.

Pair one of those up with opportunity and that's a cheater. I think people can learn and grow from making those mistakes, but it requires real remorse and hard work.

People who see the pain they've caused and continue to cheat are hopeless cases. Absent of the ability to actually care about others.

CandyLeBonBon · 03/10/2023 14:20

Willson · 03/10/2023 12:50

I think people can cheat for a variety of reasons.

Firstly; having a bad marriage and being too weak or immature to deal with that with integrity.

Secondly; emotional or psychological issues of their own - such as depression or past trauma and, again being too immature to handle it.

Thirdly; poor character traits such as entitlement, selfishness and weak ego.

Pair one of those up with opportunity and that's a cheater. I think people can learn and grow from making those mistakes, but it requires real remorse and hard work.

People who see the pain they've caused and continue to cheat are hopeless cases. Absent of the ability to actually care about others.

I'd agree as a one off - but cheating in every relationship you've ever had? That's pathological.

campionsturges · 03/10/2023 15:51

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 00:48

Also, those societies don't view women as human beings. We are livestock to them, for men to buy, own and trade.

Show quote history

Bit rich, comping from someone who defends the misogyny of their own state.

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 16:39

campionsturges · 03/10/2023 15:51

Bit rich, comping from someone who defends the misogyny of their own state.

Show quote history

There is no misogyny in my state. It is not misogyny to believe that life matters and elective, late term abortions for no other reason than convenience are wrong. 🙄 It is also not misogyny to respect a popular vote. No women are forced to live in Texas, and yet, there are many, many of us here who are just fine. Maybe actually read the law instead of just blindly swallowing propaganda.

campionsturges · 03/10/2023 16:55

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 16:39

There is no misogyny in my state. It is not misogyny to believe that life matters and elective, late term abortions for no other reason than convenience are wrong. 🙄 It is also not misogyny to respect a popular vote. No women are forced to live in Texas, and yet, there are many, many of us here who are just fine. Maybe actually read the law instead of just blindly swallowing propaganda.

Show quote history

Yes, no misogyny in Texas. Anywhere. None at all. 😅

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 17:30

campionsturges · 03/10/2023 16:55

Yes, no misogyny in Texas. Anywhere. None at all. 😅

Show quote history

Nonsense, there is misogyny everywhere. (Even though I said "there is no misogyny in my state," I'm clearly wrong, of course there is, but not where you are talking about. So my opening statement is nonsense.) There is also misogyny in your post, assuming that I don't understand what misogyny is or how to recognize it. But based on my opening sentence, you have a point, I will take the "L" on that one.

Have you ever been to Texas?

Probably not. Why would you? The entire US is just a hellscape nightmare, except in places where babies are aborted at 40 weeks.

campionsturges · 03/10/2023 18:35

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 17:30

Nonsense, there is misogyny everywhere. (Even though I said "there is no misogyny in my state," I'm clearly wrong, of course there is, but not where you are talking about. So my opening statement is nonsense.) There is also misogyny in your post, assuming that I don't understand what misogyny is or how to recognize it. But based on my opening sentence, you have a point, I will take the "L" on that one.

Have you ever been to Texas?

Probably not. Why would you? The entire US is just a hellscape nightmare, except in places where babies are aborted at 40 weeks.

Edited
Show quote history

You think anyone who criticises someone who (claims to be) a woman is misogynistic but not taking away a woman (or girls) right to choose. Have fun with that.

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 18:48

campionsturges · 03/10/2023 18:35

You think anyone who criticises someone who (claims to be) a woman is misogynistic but not taking away a woman (or girls) right to choose. Have fun with that.

Show quote history

No one took away their "right to choose." They took away their right to abort a healthy child for convenience after a certain time period, except in cases of rape, incest or the mother's health. If they want to abort after that, they can go to a neighboring state. It is patently false to say that any restrictions at all on abortion mean women have "no control over their bodies." Most abortions aren't rape or incest, most abortions in Texas are done on underage sex trafficking victims (whose pimps and traffickers are protected by Planned Parenthood) and the rest are for convenience only.

No where have I ever said that it's misogynistic to criticize women. I criticize women all the time, myself included.

But keep up that strawman. Wouldn't want you to be held accountable in any way, and lord knows, no one wants to adopt children, there certainly aren't decades long waiting lists or anything. Nope, the ONLY option is abortion, as late as possible so the parts can be sold for a profit. What a weird bubble you live in.

CandyLeBonBon · 03/10/2023 19:23

Well this is awkward!

Original poster
TYb · 03/10/2023 22:48

@HoneyBadgerMom In my (admittedly limited) experience most of the people I know are vehemently against late term abortions unless in certain circumstances IE medically necessary to save the mothers life or spare the baby unnecessary suffering. Mumsnet isn't representative of the majority, thank god.

You can be pro choice and still not support late term abortions for convenience, anywhere in the world, except mumsnet where that stance makes you either a religious nut or somebody who hates women 🙂

OP posts:
campionsturges · 03/10/2023 23:15

TYb · 03/10/2023 22:48

@HoneyBadgerMom In my (admittedly limited) experience most of the people I know are vehemently against late term abortions unless in certain circumstances IE medically necessary to save the mothers life or spare the baby unnecessary suffering. Mumsnet isn't representative of the majority, thank god.

You can be pro choice and still not support late term abortions for convenience, anywhere in the world, except mumsnet where that stance makes you either a religious nut or somebody who hates women 🙂

lol, yeah I'm sure most people think six weeks is late term, including in cases of rape and incest. the person spreading conspiracy theories about planned parenthood while defending abortions to pregnant children doesn't hate women, no way. Yee fucking haw.

egowise · 03/10/2023 23:39

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 18:48

No one took away their "right to choose." They took away their right to abort a healthy child for convenience after a certain time period, except in cases of rape, incest or the mother's health. If they want to abort after that, they can go to a neighboring state. It is patently false to say that any restrictions at all on abortion mean women have "no control over their bodies." Most abortions aren't rape or incest, most abortions in Texas are done on underage sex trafficking victims (whose pimps and traffickers are protected by Planned Parenthood) and the rest are for convenience only.

No where have I ever said that it's misogynistic to criticize women. I criticize women all the time, myself included.

But keep up that strawman. Wouldn't want you to be held accountable in any way, and lord knows, no one wants to adopt children, there certainly aren't decades long waiting lists or anything. Nope, the ONLY option is abortion, as late as possible so the parts can be sold for a profit. What a weird bubble you live in.

Show quote history

Women do not have late term abortions for convenience. Come off it.

PeacefulPottering · 03/10/2023 23:52

I hate this. But are the awful men on here a product of awful women.

PeacefulPottering · 03/10/2023 23:56

Here me out.
Most misogynyistic men don't like women. It comes from their moms
The hate comes from men who don't like their mums.

HoneyBadgerMom · 04/10/2023 03:55

TYb · 03/10/2023 22:48

@HoneyBadgerMom In my (admittedly limited) experience most of the people I know are vehemently against late term abortions unless in certain circumstances IE medically necessary to save the mothers life or spare the baby unnecessary suffering. Mumsnet isn't representative of the majority, thank god.

You can be pro choice and still not support late term abortions for convenience, anywhere in the world, except mumsnet where that stance makes you either a religious nut or somebody who hates women 🙂

I truly believe you are correct. Most warm-blooded people don't believe that abortions after the first trimester should be legal except in the cases we all discuss every time.

What scares me is the mischaracterization and LIES that are told about abortion restrictions. Most states in the US have no restrictions. At all. Now, if no one believes that something is good, if everyone agrees that it's a horrible thing, why can't we make it illegal? The argument I'm seeing here is that ANY restrictions on abortion mean women have no control over their bodies. That isn't true. We can't have reasoned discussions about it, though, because as you say, if you don't support abortion up to and over 40 weeks, you hate women and are a right wing nut job. 🙄

You know, I had an abortion. I was 20. I was 5 weeks pregnant. I know what it is and what it means. Not every woman feels the way I do, I know that. But I really wish that we were at least allowed to discuss options like adoption. My best friend struggled with infertility for a decade. The young woman who chose to have her child and give my friend the gift that made her heart whole is a hero. But we're not even allowed to discuss that.

HoneyBadgerMom · 04/10/2023 03:59

campionsturges · 03/10/2023 23:15

lol, yeah I'm sure most people think six weeks is late term, including in cases of rape and incest. the person spreading conspiracy theories about planned parenthood while defending abortions to pregnant children doesn't hate women, no way. Yee fucking haw.

Show quote history

No one said six weeks is "late term." Again with the lies. Every law has exceptions for rape and incest. Every single one.

And there is video of Planned Parenthood explaining to a pimp in Houston how to fill out the paperwork for the 12 year old he brought in for an abortion so that it wouldn't trigger a police intervention. That you choose to ignore the facts don't change them.

HoneyBadgerMom · 04/10/2023 03:59

egowise · 03/10/2023 23:39

Women do not have late term abortions for convenience. Come off it.

Show quote history

I'm not sure if you're lying or just willfully, belligerently ignorant...

And if they aren't doing that, why can we not make a law against it? If no one is doing it, what harm is there in preventing it?

campionsturges · 04/10/2023 08:49

HoneyBadgerMom · 04/10/2023 03:59

No one said six weeks is "late term." Again with the lies. Every law has exceptions for rape and incest. Every single one.

And there is video of Planned Parenthood explaining to a pimp in Houston how to fill out the paperwork for the 12 year old he brought in for an abortion so that it wouldn't trigger a police intervention. That you choose to ignore the facts don't change them.

Show quote history

https://www.npr.org/2021/09/01/1033202132/texas-abortion-ban-what-happens-next

Misogynists really will make up any old shite.

What the Texas abortion ban does — and what it means for other states

The law bans abortions as early as six weeks after conception and allows Texans to sue anyone who aids, abets or performs an abortion past that mark.

https://www.npr.org/2021/09/01/1033202132/texas-abortion-ban-what-happens-next

Sapphire3 · 04/10/2023 09:30

I was really confused by what this post was as the topic has completely changed, and I’m trying to work out how that happened. I’m pro life personally, but this is one of those tricky topics that lead to very heated debate, and can be immensely painful also for some people. So how about you start your own thread on this topic if you want to discuss it, rather than hijacking the OPs post?

CandyLeBonBon · 04/10/2023 10:50

Talk about derail the thread! Confused