My ex loved going on rants about how I must fancy other men, sometimes for hours. Once even dumped me for two months because he thought I was attracted to his friend that I saw on a zoom, when I didn’t even participate in the conversation and was wearing an old fleece, no make up, and he was the one who invited me to the zoom. He didn’t believe that my mind simply doesn’t work that way, that for me to feel sexual attraction I’ve got to be full on emotionally into someone. He made me feel disgusting with all that talk, until finally one day, he got it.
Turns out he was the one fancying all his female friends and any woman that walked past him, and he became obsessed with talking to me about other women once he got comfortable in the relationship and felt like I would never leave. Put me through real heartbreak having zero boundaries with how he spoke to other women and playing it all off as innocent, even telling them he’d love to sleep with them “but can’t”
so the very worst lying cheats also exhibit major possessiveness and heartache at the thought of their woman ever looking at anyone else. He abused me big time due to his own dark thoughts and then further went on to harm me with his other women stuff. It escalated to the point that he wanted porn 80% of the time we were intimate, and I complied and wanted to make him happy.
OP if you’re not monogamous you’re not monogamous, but just don’t be with someone who is. As others have said, there’s nothing worse than someone who wants to screw around but keep their partner locked in. It’s the height of abusive arrogance.
you’ve wondered at the “point of monogamy”. For many it’s because love and sex mean something much deeper, and screwing around is vile to them. For others who do fancy others it’s to do with commitment and giving those parts of you to the person you love and nobody else.
my ex was a train wreck and should have laid it all out on the table from day one, rather than going off on rants to test me to make sure I wasn’t like him, while not revealing who he actually was for years. I never would have dated him had I known at the beginning. I mean hell, he wouldn’t date him, that’s why he had to make sure I wasn’t made of the same stuff as him.
also please don’t victimise yourself because others have taken offence to your post. It’s narcissistic. Narcissists are inherintley selfish with lack of regard for what hurts others, and yet they are ALWAYS the victim of their own drama.
I too believe you are a man. At least take it on the Chin, and promise that if you can’t remain faithful, that you expect the same in a partner, and don’t drag a monogamous person who doesn’t know how you tick, into your drama. Choose someone who dreams of other mens c*cks, and if the thought of that doesn’t make you warm, then you have the answer to your original question anyway.