Dating a widower

[Advice444]

Hello,
I don't know what I'm hoping to gain out of this. Just looking possibly for some advice. I have been dating a widower for 6 months. His girlfriend died 9 months ago. (Please no judgement on this as I know everyone grieves differently and dates at different points in their journey).

I am in love with this man. I truly am in love with him. However I'm struggling. He has only told his work colleagues and sister about me. He hasn't told his parents or his late girlfriends family. Should they know by now or not ? I've asked him and he won't tell them yet, says it's too soon.
He will also not tell his reception age son that we are dating (although I have met his son on many occasions in the house and chatted/played with him and we get on well.) He will not tell his 10 year old stepdaughter (late girlfriends child from previous relationship) about us at all and I can't spend time with them if she is there. I've asked him his though on telliNG her ans again it's a no she isn't ready yet.

Any advice or thoughts or help?

I'm head over heels for this man, so I don't want to leave. I've caught major feelings so it's too late for that. I really do love him. But any advice or perspective would be good. Found myself in tears earlier about it all.
Advice from widowers would be extra appreciated!

Again, I didn't say she SHOULD be told about me . I asked for advice on here and opinions as to whether she should or shouldn't be told. I certainly did not insist she was told, nor anywhere on this whole thread have said I think with 100% certainty she needed to be told...
Again people are just attacking without really reading my messages properly.

But the very fact you need to ask the question shows you are woefully ill prepared/ have a complete lack of understanding about the situation.

Fuck me!

A poster literally tells @Advice444 how upset she is after she gave her in-depth advice and discussed her personal grief and the op turns it around into how upset SHE is?

Truly astounding

I don't think there's any hope for you

Hope the kids are okay. And I hope he escapes your desperate clutches.

He said it was too soon for the stepdaughter to know. I listened to him. I honoured what he said and respected it. I have asked on here for advice but I have not once brought it up to him again (before anyone accuses me of nagging him or being intense with him 🙄🙄) I asked once and that was it.

He told me he really cares about me. He told me he wants to live together and have kids with me in the future. Yes maybe he's lied , maybe he hasn't. Who knows ? I'd be gutter if he had lied about his feelings for me and for wanting those things. But when someone tells me they care for me and have feelings for me in a relationship I tend to believe them.

Anyway I'm not talking to him now

That’s very disingenuous. You used the word should when talking about his parents and her family, and then added on your concerns about the son and stepdaughter. The implication there is clearly that you think they should be told too.

you’re basically taking the piss out of people and trying to twist the very clear implications of your OP because you don’t like what you’ve heard.

You literally know nothing about the situation. Maybe you'd think otherwise if you did. You dont know all the facts. Please stop commenting on here with your nasty attitude.

Anyway I'm not talking to him now

And now you’re playing games with him because he’s not dancing to your tune.

For the sake of him, his children and your almost forgotten own child I hope you are a nasty troll

Again just like the poster above you don't know the facts. Who are you to assume I'm game playing? I love him. Do you think I'd willigly put myself through all thus if I didn't love him ? And tolerate all this abuse from above?
I'm not talking to him for reasons unrelated to 'game playing. "

@Advice444 I know enough to know it's fucked

The poor children.

@Advice444 you're still talking about you. You're unbelievable

Putting 'yourself' through this

What about the grieving kids
What about your kid

Doesn't matter what you put them through does it

Nah as long you're happy that's the main thing

You literally know nothing.
you dont know me or him.
the chilsren have been treared with nothing but kondess and respect. I've given complete space to the stepdaughter. I've done NOTHING to those children.

I don't know why you want to continue to come on this thread and manipulate messages and be nasty and stir the pot. That's literally all you do. Please stop. I came on here for constructive advice. Most people have given it. Most people have been nice and kind . I can even take constructive muld criticism if justified. But you blow everyrhing up way out of proportion in your responses. It's bully like. You and the odd other poster have CONSISTENTLY just spread hate. Please stop.

Because you made clear earlier in the thread that you were twisting stepping back into not talking to him.

And if you had a genuine reason to be not talking to him it would have been thrown at everyone.

You aren’t getting the answers you want so getting arsey with everyone.

You’ll either flounce or announce that he’s done something awful to try and force people to see you as the good one.

As someone married to a widower and who has trod the careful path of dealing with the highs and lows with his son I truly hope you’re an absolute troll.

I'm not getting arsey with everyone at all....just the same annoying poster that makes it clear she dislikes me and the situation but continues to comment on here and spread negativity and hate even though I've asked her politely to stop 3 times now.

I don't have a problem with anyone else really.

@Advice444 that's not how forums work

You've asked for advice. And I and many others gave it. Some people delving into quite personal grief

You ignored everyone who warned you. And pressed for more and more information from grieving widows and people who have suffered grief just for your own satisfaction to prove your relationship

I know enough about you! You've shown us all exactly who you are. Why do you think people are upset with you. Not just me.

Just because you don't like what I say you can't say go away.

Your dismissal of the childrens feelings in this is disgusting. Your behaviour is shocking.

Stop pressing bereaved people for their personal stories just so you glean the facts you want. It's frankly disgusting.

@Advice444 by the way I asked you to stop pestering bereaved widows for their personal grief stories too. That didn't stop you.

Works both ways eh

You’ve been rude to multiple people.

And if you don’t like someone’s replies then you ignore them. You don’t actually get to police who posts on a forum thread. That’s not how the internet works.

If someone gets offensive then you report them. If you just don’t like it then that’s just life when you post on a forum.

The people who were widowed and responded to me were much kinder people than you. They kindly shared their stories . I didn't 'pester' them

Can you please explain how I have 'dismissed the children's feelings ' You keep stating this but with what evidence ? As mentioned I've always been kind and respectful to the son. And kept my distance from the stepdaughter. So I'm not sure what exactly you are implying I've done to these kids.

And most people on this thread are fine with me bar yourself .
Yes forums don't work that way but if you don't like the situation and don't have interest in it it seems pointless for yoh to keep contributing. I won't be responding to people who are derogatory towards me. There is no need.

And most people on this thread are fine with me bar yourself

Now you are just making stuff up.

I haven't been rude to anyone. If you look back at your comments and the above poster I think you'll find you two have been way more rude and derogatory towards me than I have been toward you.

I haven't been rude or nasty to anyone.

You and the above person have been though , you both constantly want to tear into my character and make nasty comments about myself when there's no need. I haven't done that to you two. And I wouldn't either.

You can't see where you've gone wrong?
Have a look back at what you've written. If you can't see it there's fuck all point me pointing it out to you

It is all about you.

No one else's feelings count. Not his. Not the grieving kids. Not your own kid's.

Even when someone tells you you've upset them after they opened you to you - you accuse them of being mean to you!

Your lack of empathy is appalling. And it really shows on this thread. The way you've treated people here. Yet here you are still claiming to be the victim.

Show me where I’ve been nasty to you and I’ll apologise…

I’ll be waiting a while though as we both know that’s bollocks.

You don’t like that people haven’t seen you as a wonderful person rushing in to save the poor man and his children from their loss. Well that’s just tough. You asked for opinions and that’s what you’ve got.

No come on , you've made a grand statement about me dismissing the kids. HOW exactly have I done anything negative to the kids? Don't be vague. Be specific. Give me examples of when I've mistreated the kids or dismisses them or treated them badly .. give me examples
If you're going to paint me out to be a monster at least have examples to back it up.

@Advice444 where have you shown any consideration for what's best for the kids?

God I hope you're a troll.

Just above you said you wished I was a absolute troll 🙄 That may not be hurtful to you but it is to me because this is my life and it discredit everything I've said / any advice which I've plucked up the courage to ask for.

And that's just off the top of my head