Sahm- control of finances

[Roomuma]

I am a married sahm, my husband works and is the only one earning an income.
We have shared our finances since have a conversation about this 5 years ago (where we did not initially agree)
We don’t have much money past paying for bills and rent. We have a joint account for bills. We each have money for our phones bills and our travel and then we get £50 a month personal spending money each.
he told me recently I should stop buying oat milk because we can’t afford it (he then gave me an example of a grocery he’d stopped getting) and then today he told me he was off to buy the very thing he’d told me he’d given up.
I then made a joke about “now who’s spending our money” (this really was a joke, I wasn’t bothered by it at all)
He Says “your money?” And gives me a look as thought ‘our’ money is not mine too
This really caught me off guard.
We have a conversation
He says he wants to be in control of our finances
That he was never very keen on this arrangement (where we share money 50/50 and have equal say over it )
I say that is unfair, we are equals who have both decided I will be a stay at home mum and not work
He says he thinks I have more say in decisions involving the children (I want it to be equal and feel for the most part it is although I admit I occasionally contradict him in front of the children, I know this is not ok but it’s almost a reflex when I feel he is being too harsh . Our son is also uncircumcised and our children have double barrelled names which he didn’t want) so therefore he wants to be in control of the money
It strikes me he starts a new job with a higher salary in 2 weeks
Both of us get £100 travel money a month
I am sahm so I take the kids out on buses etc a lot ( we don’t have a car) he works from home and cycles to and from the gym and wherever else.
I don’t have access to our credit card statement (which is the card we mostly use) as it’s connected to his personal bank account and he doesn’t want me to have access to that. I can use the credit card but really only to buy essentials most of the time unless I’ve specifically said I’ll buy something with it.
I’ve asked what him being in control of finances would look like and he said nothing would necessarily change, we’d still have a joint account.
i know this was a very long post so well done if you made it to the end :)

I think there is more going on here.
You get £50 each but he’s booked an all inclusive holiday with his friend and paying for it from the joint account.

He chooses for you to have £50 each but he already controls the finances.

Does his wage go in from work this is likely to be a BACS transaction or does he send it from his personal account into the joint account may be labelled as ‘workplace name’ but it’s likely to be FasterPayment.

Have you always had seperate holidays?

Personally you need a job and a career path. It sounds as if he’s checking out and you are in a very vulnerable position. You may want to be a sahm but if he leaves you may not have a choice. Focus on you and your kids and get a career path and independence.

Also I also agree about it being public - if anyone asks about holidays say as suggested above.

He thinks you are less than him. Ask him if he is suggesting you have access to £0 a month? Do you have family and friends op?

I can’t understand if there is a limited amount of money coming in and nothing left or there is surplus funds and he is taking it /spending on the credit card but bamboozling you with the £50. Regardless his attitude is telling you a lot about him.

Whats the age difference? You got together young, is he a fair bit older?

I'm sorry to say but I'd be starting to wonder if he's gearing up to divorce you.

This. I can sort of see his point and if he's resenting you getting all the say on parenting already this is likely to get worse.

Why do you need to see the credit card statements? I don’t have access to my husbands bank account of credit card statements either and we very much see our finances as joint, I simply don’t feel the need to have access to his bank account.

You haven’t actually explained what him “having control of the finances” means or what he is suggesting, other than nothing will change, so it is hard to really comment much on that. However overall, I think you need to get back to work, two adults getting £10 personal money each per week, would suggest that the sole income is not sufficient to support a SAHP.