Unmarried and seperated. Was naive and can’t get over how someone can screw you over after 15 years from a moral standpoint.

[Everdaywingingit]

I understand there is no legal obligation if you are not married when it comes to splitting homes. But as a mum of two young kids, a 15 year relationship and haven been stupid enough to give up a everything to raise the kids while ex spent months away furthering his career I have screwed myself over hugely. He had an affair, left for the other women and that’s it. No claim over the home I’ve lived in for 8 years. I was resigned by him from what was our business that I was joint director of. I feel completely screwed over and don’t know how from a moral perspective a person can treat another in such a way. He is a high earner too. But he gives not a joy about all of our verbal agreements. I never ever imagined in my life that the kind, caring man I once knew could actually be such a lying, entitled, horrible man. Turns out he had been cheating our entire relationship with multiple women and then would come home and put on this front of being such a great dad and partner to our friends and family. I feel traumatised.

I was naive. I was so stupid to not protect myself and the kids.

how do I move forward. Any advice? 😔

Sorry to hear that. I hope it works out

I think you need to see a solicitor.

Is anything in your name? Bank accounts etc? Bills for the house?

So sorry you are going through this.

Get a STI test.

What a prince. Sorry he’s putting you through this.

Not helpful now but I’m asking out of pure nosiness tbh.. why didn’t you ever get married?

I’d speak to a solicitor.

can he resign you from the Board???

Solicitor ASAP op. What has he said about the family home?

You need to check with a solicitor about being kicked off the board of the company. If you're a director, I would have thought you have some rights and claims on the business.

Sorry this has happened.

Speak to a solicitor about the directorship situation.

Don't give yourself a hard time about the path you took. There is no point at all in doing that.

There may be a claim
under the children act would be a battle though unlike if you were married but worth seeing a specialist in this area if it’s a larger estate.

The business thing sounds incredibly dodgy.

You say he’s left, do you mean he’s moved out? Are you and the kids still in the house? What’s happening day to day about bills and rent/mortgage?

You must be in shock, I’m sorry he’s been such a dick.

Contact a solicitor first thing tomorrow and also put in a CSA claim ASAP.

Thank you for all the replies.

he works abroad so was away a lot and we never managed to factor in getting married which sound ridiculous I know.

I am still in the house currently being paid for but I no longer trust him. He does not live anywhere just works and travels around. Hardly sees the children.

my name was not on the mortgage because at the time I relocated and gave up my job. He then refused to add me on. It was always always referred to as our home. You’d honestly think it was me that cheated and destroyed his life.

I still hold shares in the company but I had no knowledge I was resigned until I noticed the change of address posted through the door and went on companies house. He always told me this was his commitment to me and my security too.

Oh dear. You really did let him hold all the cards.
I was a SAHM when we bought our first house. I made damn sure half that house was mine.

I was a complete idiot I know.

I doubt he can "resign" you without agreement. You need to get legal advice on that.

I’m absolutely speechless with what he has done x

Sorry, my comment wasn’t exactly helpful.

Surely he’s committed some kind of fraud by removing you as director. I’m guessing your signature would be needed?

It’s ok. Honestly it’s a fact though. Anyone reading this unmarried in a vulnerable position financially I just hope it makes them think too. No matter how lovely and wonderful your partner seems you just never know.

I really hope you manage to get what your entitled to.
what he is doing is out of order x

My advice to young women is: hope for the best, plan for the worst.

Try not to ponder the moral aspect to his behaviour. He planned this, didn't he? No time to get married, chose not to put you on the house deeds, told you your 'directorship' was your security, then removed it at the first opportunity.

Get a lawyer op. He must have faked your signature to force your 'resignation' surely?

Find out what your rights are, even if they are few, then stop beating yourself up and kick him to the curb.

He is a conniving bastard.

It’s certainly looking that way

Why haven’t you been working?

You made decisions and choices just like all other adults. Maybe not good ones and those have consequences.

Are your children his children?

I'm sorry.

Men are shits.

No use reprimanding yourself further.

You've learned the lesson the hard way and won't repeat it.

Make your plans. Don't give him an inch.

Have you consulted a solicitor?
There are two issues you need to fight for:

• Your directorship position - its unlikely he can just resign you. You need to stop pondering his morality and start fighting for your future on this one
• Child maintenance. If he is making more than £156K/year you can apply for a top up to the child support above the CMS calculation. You need a solicitor to do that.

Unfortunately - you are where you are in regards to your past decisions. Don't waste time on wondering how you ended up here. And see what you can do to get what you are entitled to.