Unmarried and seperated. Was naive and can’t get over how someone can screw you over after 15 years from a moral standpoint.

[Everdaywingingit]

I understand there is no legal obligation if you are not married when it comes to splitting homes. But as a mum of two young kids, a 15 year relationship and haven been stupid enough to give up a everything to raise the kids while ex spent months away furthering his career I have screwed myself over hugely. He had an affair, left for the other women and that’s it. No claim over the home I’ve lived in for 8 years. I was resigned by him from what was our business that I was joint director of. I feel completely screwed over and don’t know how from a moral perspective a person can treat another in such a way. He is a high earner too. But he gives not a joy about all of our verbal agreements. I never ever imagined in my life that the kind, caring man I once knew could actually be such a lying, entitled, horrible man. Turns out he had been cheating our entire relationship with multiple women and then would come home and put on this front of being such a great dad and partner to our friends and family. I feel traumatised.

I was naive. I was so stupid to not protect myself and the kids.

how do I move forward. Any advice? 😔

You can't do anything about the house if you're not on the mortgage but should be able to do a lot about the business.

This is a good time to have faith in karma.

Yes .. x

This

For 15 years your status was clear

Unmarried
Property not in your name
Business in your name

Why are you surprised ?

I agree you need to fight for

Part of the Business
Child maintenance

I am not surprised at all by the outcome now. But honestly I am completely shocked about the way the person I was in a long term relationship with can be so unreasonable morally. I never would have had him as this sort of man. As I have said I was naive.

People can be so brutal. Just because a relationship ends where you were not married it doesn’t mean you have to behave so completely cruel and unfair. I didn’t cheat and leave. That was completely his choice and actions.

It was always referred to as our house and he always referred to me as his wife.

I have committed the sin of not reading tff. However I just wanted to encourage you to go a solicitor. If you have contributed to the home via money for bills, decoration, time etc, or sometimes via other more opaque means there is the possibility (I put it no higher than that) of an argument that there is a constructive trust, either in your favour or sometimes in favour of the children if they are under 18. It would not last forever or be for 50% of the property, but it could be something and used to negotiate.
I'm super aware my knowledge of the area is old and would need checking but it's something that might be worth asking the solicitor about.
Sorry to hear of your position.

@Everdaywingingit
honestly I am completely shocked about the way the person I was in a long term relationship with can be so unreasonable morally. I never would have had him as this sort of man. As I have said I was naive.

That's the thing that really gobsmacked me. I am a trusting old hippy who believes the best of everyone, and I thought he was like me... Because of this, I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt.

It's a huge thing to suddenly have to re-evaluate decades of your own memories.

One step at a time

Ps. It's not whether you're on the mortgage. It's about who owns the property (on the deeds or more likely the Register) and whether you can show a common intention or that you have acted to your detriment in staying in the property.

@Everdaywingingit
Firstly I'm so sorry you are going thru all this it's awful how someone who loves you can basically discard you and his children. I went through similar in lockdown, my fiancé was sleeping with his so called cousin. He left, and same as you my name
Wasn't on the mortgage, and he refused to add me. I'd paid all the bills but because I didn't pay into a joint bank account, I wasn't entitled to anything. The only legal obligation he had was to pay maintenance. So me and the kids had to leave and start again. I definitely would look into what he's done over the business. Like others have said it's fraud as you haven't signed or agreed to it.
Keep your chin up, you have got this, and 1 day he will have nothing and no one xxxxx

Just wanted to add that if he has more than half the shares in the company then it is likely that he can remove you from the board of directors. But if you own a chunk of shares and the company actually has significant value on its balance sheet then those shares are worth something.

We own the company 50/50

If you want something to take your mind off things, while moving forward a tiny bit, why not start researching the best solicitor in your area who has the expertise you need? Obviously, your case is more complicated than it would be if you were married, or did not share an interest in a business, so finding the right person is crucial.

Thank you for the supportive messages I really needed to hear them tonight. I have been in touch with a solicitors today, so will see where or if that goes anywhere! I know my rights are very very limited.

You are right I should probably research a little more into other solicitors too. It’s not something I am particularly familiar with!

Bless ypu op - what an absolute cunt he is.
No advice but l wish you all the very best xx

Fellow hippy too 👋.
Exactly same here...@Everdaywingingit
Thought he was easy going.. same values, morals, but no. They completely change (or did they?)..i am still re evaluating decades i spent with him and whether it was a lie, he was a lie ♥️

It's not possible to advise without seeing all the documentation relating to the company. But to remove you from the board under s190 Companies Act he needs to be able to pass an ordinary resolution. And in principle if you have precisely 50% of the voting shares then you can block an ordinary resolution (he would need a majority of the voting shares to pass it).

In any event, if the company does have any value what is important to you is not a seat on the board but the shares.

You do need proper legal advice.

Jot down some notes for yourself. And add to them as and when things occur to you. What, to you, would be a fair outcome? (Don't worry about whether it would be legally possible - that is for you solicitor to advise you on and explain.) You need to know what you are aiming for, even though you might have to compromise further down the line to reach agreement.

You are the one who is going to have to explain your situation in detail to various solicitors. (And then when you've engaged one, you'll have to pay for the solicitor to listen. Don't worry too much about this atm either, one thing at a time.)

I'm pretty sure you can lay claim on the house because you have been living there all this time. Check online but I think you can add yourself as in interested party which should make it difficult for him to try and the sell it in the future.
Definitely see a solicitor to find out what your options are.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Read through this and maybe give citizens advice a call.

@magicofthefae and @Iamanisland
We have those rules in Ireland. The rights kick in after 5 years of cohabiting or 2 years if there are dependent children.

Re the business - you can search by person name and company name for details held by Companies House
Companies House - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

I'm not saying the don't exist more that they give rights to one set of people yet take them from another.

Well I think with kids involved it's fair enough, the mother is most likely to be disadvantaged if they split so if the father has assets then they should be shared to try to lessen that disadvantage.

I think realistically if there are no kids involved and it was at the 5 year mark then the amount the court orders probably isn't likely to be very much, perhaps enough to help them get on their feet......which again I think is fair enough.