Unmarried and seperated. Was naive and can’t get over how someone can screw you over after 15 years from a moral standpoint.

[Everdaywingingit]

I understand there is no legal obligation if you are not married when it comes to splitting homes. But as a mum of two young kids, a 15 year relationship and haven been stupid enough to give up a everything to raise the kids while ex spent months away furthering his career I have screwed myself over hugely. He had an affair, left for the other women and that’s it. No claim over the home I’ve lived in for 8 years. I was resigned by him from what was our business that I was joint director of. I feel completely screwed over and don’t know how from a moral perspective a person can treat another in such a way. He is a high earner too. But he gives not a joy about all of our verbal agreements. I never ever imagined in my life that the kind, caring man I once knew could actually be such a lying, entitled, horrible man. Turns out he had been cheating our entire relationship with multiple women and then would come home and put on this front of being such a great dad and partner to our friends and family. I feel traumatised.

I was naive. I was so stupid to not protect myself and the kids.

how do I move forward. Any advice? 😔

Having been a company director of various companies, "resigning" you from the Board doesn't sound right. How many shares do you hold compared to his?

we were 50 50 share holders

Please see a sol who specialises in those who have their own businesses.

Most do not have a clue.

Am in a very similar situation and despite being married I'm still being thoroughly fucked over.

I'm sorry OP. Can you appeal to his family?

You need proper advice - fast! - on the directorship.

He’s counting on you thinking it’s a fait accompli, and not knowing your rights.

You were naive before. Time to get tougher.

So sorry to hear your situation. I'm sure lots of women put their trust in their partner as you did so don't beat yourself up over past decisions. You can't change what's happened but you can stand up and fight for yourself and your children now.

As equal shareholders, sounds like you own the company between you. Any other shareholders or directors,? If not I don't see how he can resign you just by himself without your agreement. You need urgent legal advice. Call solicitors specialising in corporate/company law
tomorrow.

As others have said you need to speak to a solicitor asap. You may be able to being a TOLATA claim for yourself for a proportion of your Home. You also may be able to bring proceedings for financial support of the children. He also can’t “resign” you from the company and you may have a claim against him for breach of his Director duties.

You have 2 children to support. Stop getting angry at yourself. You were naive, so what? Nothing you can do about that now. Direct your energies to getting a good settlement for you and your children.

You need some proper advice. You hold shares but he resigned you?

See a solicitor with an interest in small businesses - quickly

If you contributed to the running of the house, you might have some sort of claim, the same solicitor can advise.

Sorry this happened to you. Nothing much to say other than build up your career.

Oh yes, and he does have to pay some child support

But 50/50 of nothing is nothing

He can just open up a new company and start trading through that- so your shares become worthless

It is pretty common with single director private limited companies- shares can quickly become worthless

Plus shareholders only get profits. Very easy to have no profit as you can pay yourself a larger salary to ensure no profit.

at the end of the day the only person you can truly trust is your self and you children, these days anyone can be anyone, who truly knows whos loyal, whos unfaithful, whos a double agent etc

Get yourself to a lawyer pronto. He can’t just remove you from a 50/50 position. Don’t be so passive about this.

You need legal advice

OP i was in similar position but for 25 year. I had nothing. He never married me, all bills in my name, had his own bank account, nothing shared as in finances, i never knew what he earned etc. He did me hook line and sinker when i found out what he was really like. I had never known him even after 25 year. Hes a stranger to me. I would never now go into a long term without having some commitment from new partner... financial the lot... else i would not even start the relationship. I Spent all my money on the house and him, for nothing. 25 years wasted. Never again

Loubelle70 May I ask a question?

It's a horrible feeling to think that you can't trust your own judgement. I refused to see how much of a lazy cocklodger mine was for decades. But these kind of blokes do a number on your head.

Unfortunately for me, I had married him, and so he ended up with money from me he hadn't earned in our 50-50 divorce settlement.

My suggestion would be to give yourself time, take care of yourself, and allow yourself to feel your feeling and let yourself process the huge and appalling revelation that things were not as you had thought them to be.

There will be horrible lows, IME, but just get through to the next day, and trust that these will pass.

I'm not. It happens every day of the year.

I'm speechless that in 2023 someone chooses to be an unmarried dependent adult with offspring, and then is dumbfounded at the predictable outcome.

Women, start being more sensible and self-sufficient.

I'm speechless that in 2023 someone chooses to be an unmarried dependent adult with offspring, and then is dumbfounded at the predictable outcome.

Amazing victim-blaming here, even better than the person upthread who said “choices have consequences”, as though these particular consequences were somehow inevitable.

Many people make identical choices and it works out just fine for them because their partner is a decent and loving person not a devious and manipulative liar and cheat.

Fuck off if you don’t have anything useful or kind to say to the OP. I can’t stand people like you who apparently get off on kicking people when they’re down.

She's not a victim. She's an adult who's had agency all these years.

If you don’t understand what the phrase “moral standpoint” means you shouldn’t be responding to the thread.

Well said CheekyHobson. A woman nearly always suffers financially or career wise in some way after having dc and many men are decent enough to acknowledge this and support their wives while this is the case because they take joint responsibility for their dc. It’s not the op’s fault that her partner turns out to be a cheat and someone who has betrayed her and her dc.

cant comment on the directorship other than it may be fraud if he signed it on your behalf

i was unmarried 18 years relationship, 3 kids, ex arrested and now in prison …

house both names.

waw advised not ti challenge land law (TLATA) but he also threatened that he would charge me rent ( in a house he was not allowed into due ti his bail)

I went under childrens act, schedule 1 for lump sum of equity. Look at mckenzie friends (but get some free consultations) so you have a good idea on law

good luck!

He can only remove you as a director by doing so in accordance with the company's Articles of Association and (if there is one) shareholders' agreement. It is unlikely that he has done so, so your removal will be invalid. It amounts to what is called unfair prejudice, which is a legal cause of action. You need to see a solicitor who specialises in these types of disputes, a commercial litigator with experience of shareholder disputes. Otherwise, there is plenty more he can do to financially disadvantage you. You may be screwed in the matrimonial context, but you will have a better position in the dispute over the company and that will be your leverage to negotiate a deal with him. Please see a solicitor as soon as possible.

I hope every unmarried mother sees this and gets warning to take actions to protect themselves; get married or leave.

Don't beat yourself up OP, love can make you miss the red flags. It's an easy mistake to make when emotions are at play.

The archaic patriarchy based laws are so weak a protecting women and children from dic*men. There should be laws made to protect women and children in such circumstances, like a de facto civil partnership, by default, if a man and woman live together for more than 2 or 3 years and have children together. I think there was a petition for this, but the Church of England protested?

As well as all the legal and solicitor stuff you have to go through, draw your family ask friends near, you'll need their emotional support.

The silver lining is, you have beautiful wonderful children, who no doubt love you very much and that is priceless.