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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

101 replies

Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 19:47

Hi, I was hoping for some advice. So I’m a teacher who has had Ofsted in this week and have been getting up at 5am and going to bed at 11pm after a full evening of work. Today (Friday) I am absolutely exhausted and have caught the school cold. I got home and went for a nap feeling awful. My boyfriend gets home and starts making cutting comments about how there’s no food in the house as I usually go shopping after work on a Friday. In fairness, there’s not a lot at all but was hoping to go tomorrow morning after a good nights sleep.
He went to the gym and has been texting me things like ‘keep up the good work’ and ‘if I was feeling like you I still wouldn’t leave us without anything to eat or drink’. It’s worth mentioning that he doesn’t drive so can’t go himself. I have tried to explain to him how bad I am feeling but it’s not getting through.

Am I being irresponsible/unreasonable for going shopping tomorrow? That’s how he’s making it seem. Please reply if you can

OP posts:
category12 · 22/09/2023 19:52

If he can get to a gym, he can surely get a bag or two of groceries while he's out. People who don't drive aren't incapable of getting shopping.

Don't put up with his guilt-tripping bollocks.

Is he always so unpleasant and unsupportive?

Throwawayme · 22/09/2023 19:55

You've done nothing wrong! Why is getting food in all on you. He's being a dick.

xyz111 · 22/09/2023 19:57

Is there anything positive this person brings to your relationship? So he can go to the gym but not shopping? What a CF.

Rosiem2808 · 22/09/2023 19:59

Your boyfriend OP is an arsehole of the highest order and you should dump the bastard because this will be a man who won't help you when you have little babies and no sleep - he won't get up and give you a lie in. Nor will he feed you when you are ill as you already know.
Life has to be better than this sort of shit and if people knew what he was really like, they would be disgusted but he saves it all up for you so why would they even know

Owjrbvr · 22/09/2023 20:02

He sounds horrible; after the week you’ve had he should be looking after you. Surely he can manage to go to a corner shop to buy something for dinner?

Fizzadora · 22/09/2023 20:03

Tell him to fuck off.

Aprilx · 22/09/2023 20:04

I would like to know how he can get to the gym but not a shop.

I didn’t drive until I was 25 but I always managed to find my way to a supermarket. My parents never learned to drive and yet somehow they managed to get to the shops too.

trampoline123 · 22/09/2023 20:05

Of course you're not unreasonable, weird you even have to ask as you must know you're not...surely?!

PerfectMatch · 22/09/2023 20:06

He sounds awful OP Sad

category12 · 22/09/2023 20:06

Rosiem2808 · 22/09/2023 19:59

Your boyfriend OP is an arsehole of the highest order and you should dump the bastard because this will be a man who won't help you when you have little babies and no sleep - he won't get up and give you a lie in. Nor will he feed you when you are ill as you already know.
Life has to be better than this sort of shit and if people knew what he was really like, they would be disgusted but he saves it all up for you so why would they even know

This.

I do hope he is just a boyfriend and you have no other ties. Because you have been working a ridiculous amount of hours, stressed and exhausted, and have now fallen ill.

A good long-term partner would be trying to help and support you, would be concerned about you, would be adult enough to sort out food and drink for the evening, and would be planning to get an online shop or otherwise sort it out so you don't have to drag out tomorrow to shop while you're unwell.

Instead you've got a shit man-child of a partner, who is more interested in kicking off at his sick girlfriend and going to the gym rather than helping you.

birdglasspen · 22/09/2023 20:07

Nah, he sounds awful. You do realise this don’t you? He’s a grown man, surely if he needs food he can find a way to get it, maybe skip gym and run to the shop instead? Or make the most of bare cupboards by creating a new dinner out of random ingredients?! Or order a taxi and go shopping? Sounds like you’ve had a week where your boyfriend should be being supportive and caring to help you through not whinging about his lack of food. Hope you feel better soon.

PerfectMatch · 22/09/2023 20:07

Btw well done for getting to the end of Ofsted!

Denimdreams · 22/09/2023 20:08

Oh no his domestic appliance is malfunctioning 😱

DUMP!

TinglingTangling · 22/09/2023 20:08

Lmao…. What a fucking idiot he is.

Id be telling him to get his own fucking food from now on. He’s a grown man, not a baby.

Tribblesarelovely · 22/09/2023 20:08

Dump him . He’s vile.

TinglingTangling · 22/09/2023 20:08

I couldn’t even imagine my husband saying anything like that. Bizarre.

SophiaElise · 22/09/2023 20:09

He sounds deeply unpleasant! I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone like this.

Wendysfriend · 22/09/2023 20:10

Jesus what an arsehole. He should be looking after you. Why can't he grab some essentials while he's at the gym? Why did he even go there when he knows you're ill and shopping needs to be done.

My own dh if he can't get home early from work when I'm ill he'll make sure to bring in some nice food and drinks for me.

addicteetopawpatrol · 22/09/2023 20:10

Sick

50lessfat · 22/09/2023 20:11

Don’t marry this person!

Throwncrumbs · 22/09/2023 20:11

Tell him to fuck off. Selfish knob!

50lessfat · 22/09/2023 20:12

Denimdreams · 22/09/2023 20:08

Oh no his domestic appliance is malfunctioning 😱

DUMP!

Love this 😂

Original poster
Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:13

It does feel like his needs are more important than mine most of the time tbh

OP posts:
AlfredaTheGrape · 22/09/2023 20:13

I think you have a partner problem OP.

TicTacNicNak · 22/09/2023 20:13

There are these wonderful inventions these days OP called taxis and Ubers. If your bf was so concerned about getting food tonight he could go to the shops and get an Uber back. However he's too selfish and would rather go to the gym and send you sarcastic texts instead.

Do yourself a favour and get rid of him and find someone with some empathy and a caring nature. This is who he is.