Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

101 replies

Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 19:47

Hi, I was hoping for some advice. So I’m a teacher who has had Ofsted in this week and have been getting up at 5am and going to bed at 11pm after a full evening of work. Today (Friday) I am absolutely exhausted and have caught the school cold. I got home and went for a nap feeling awful. My boyfriend gets home and starts making cutting comments about how there’s no food in the house as I usually go shopping after work on a Friday. In fairness, there’s not a lot at all but was hoping to go tomorrow morning after a good nights sleep.
He went to the gym and has been texting me things like ‘keep up the good work’ and ‘if I was feeling like you I still wouldn’t leave us without anything to eat or drink’. It’s worth mentioning that he doesn’t drive so can’t go himself. I have tried to explain to him how bad I am feeling but it’s not getting through.

Am I being irresponsible/unreasonable for going shopping tomorrow? That’s how he’s making it seem. Please reply if you can

OP posts:
Original poster
Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:15

I’m the one with the money atm so he can’t go and get shopping without my bank card

OP posts:
Wendysfriend · 22/09/2023 20:16

Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:15

I’m the one with the money atm so he can’t go and get shopping without my bank card

Why does he not have any money?

Original poster
Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:18

Because he spends most of it as soon as he gets it on stupid things

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 22/09/2023 20:18

Surely, SURELY you can see what an utter arse he's being? Don't let him treat you like this. The normal response when the partner you love is ill is to LOOK AFTER THEM, not whinge and make sarcastic comments that they're not doing an adequate job as your servant.

category12 · 22/09/2023 20:19

Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:18

Because he spends most of it as soon as he gets it on stupid things

Are you having us on?

Original poster
Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:20

Unfortunately not

OP posts:
LadyOfTheCanyon · 22/09/2023 20:22

Good lord this is literally what Deliveroo/ chop chop/ exists for, isn't it? What an absolute knob.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/09/2023 20:23

i thought he was a prince before, but your update has sadly pushed you into mug territory. Would strongly suggest you rethink this relationship op.

happygertie · 22/09/2023 20:23

He sounds like an absolute tool! It would give me major ick that he is an immature uncaring twat that can't cope with sourcing his own food for one evening. He needs to get a grip.

CrotchetyQuaver · 22/09/2023 20:24

I would dump him for that, he's out of order. What a spoilt brat. Stay in bed and let him sort it out.

happygertie · 22/09/2023 20:25

Do you really want him in your life long term? He sounds pathetic and the fact he isn't financially responsible just makes him sound even worse than before

Wendysfriend · 22/09/2023 20:26

Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:18

Because he spends most of it as soon as he gets it on stupid things

So he doesn't give you support when you're working your arse off, he doesn't give a shit that you're ill, he fecks off to the gym and he sends you smart arse text messages and has a tantrum that there's no food and you didn't get any in, food you're paying for as he fritters his money away. I bet there's probably more crappy behaviour.

category12 · 22/09/2023 20:28

Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:20

Unfortunately not

Well, I think you should break up with him.

He sounds like a completely spiteful, shit and useless boyfriend, who will make a completely shit & useless life partner, and completely shit & useless father to children - don't be the mug who sticks around to be treated badly by someone who isn't responsible enough to pay for his own expenses and who doesn't give a toss about you.

Original poster
Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:28

I’ve been thinking about ending things for a while tbh but am scared to. He can be aggressive when he’s in a mood, he’s never hit me or anything but he slams about the house etc. One time he went to walk out and he said he was going to take my two cats with him. He did buy them for me a few years ago but they’re my cats really and I dote on them

OP posts:
Whataretalkingabout · 22/09/2023 20:28

This has got to be a FAKE thread.

Who in their right mind would put up with this?
Sorry OP if this is for real.

Lizzieregina · 22/09/2023 20:29

Holy smokes!

Dump this useless twit asap!!

Idrankyourbananamilk · 22/09/2023 20:30

I’ve had a shit week OP, and a horrific drive round the m25 tonight. Got home and almost cried. DP just dropped the cat on my lap, left the house, and came back 20 minutes later with fish n chips and a bottle of wine.

Don’t let him make himself the victim here when it’s you that’s had the awful week. He’s making it all about him. He should be picking up the slack for you, and you doing the same if the situation was reversed. It’s meant to be a partnership. Sending very un-mumsnetty hugs your way.

Original poster
Xxmaddiexx · 22/09/2023 20:31

I promise you it’s not a fake thread, I’m just at my wits end with it really. I’m scared that if I broke up with him he’d smash things in my house and take my cats

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 22/09/2023 20:31

Come on, OP, you're a teacher and you've got a brain in your head. This useless piece of shit needs to go.

If you had a daughter, what would you advise her to do? You need to be your own best friend here.

Don't give him a penny. He's got the energy to go to the pub so he can do an online shopping order, unpack it and cook you a meal.

flowergirl2020 · 22/09/2023 20:33

You're not being unreasonable at all. To make those comments and continue texting you then whilst in the gym is an absolute piss take. I taught for 15 years including at a leadership level and have gone through 3 Ofsteds. Appalled at his lack of support. Bollocks to the gym he should be ordering you a takeaway, sorting you out with some lemsips or a wine and running you a bath. There's something sly and gaslighty about sending you those texts knowing you're under the weather. Very sly. Hope you are feeling better soon xxx

StarDolphins · 22/09/2023 20:35

You’re poorly! He sounds awful. So he can’t drive, walk to the shop & get a bag of groceries.

Sending awful messages is bad enough when you’re well & have actually done something wrong but you’re ill & haven’t done anything at all wrong.

Youre definitely not being unreasonable & I would be going mad at this. I would never treat my OH like this.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 22/09/2023 20:36

Can you take your cats to a family member/ friend before you break up?

I know what it feels like when everything feels insurmountable but one step at a time - move your cats, tell him you're breaking up.

Wishing you all the best OP

flowergirl2020 · 22/09/2023 20:36

Just read your comment about him frittering his money and using your bank card!!! Run a mile now do it as fast as you can. He's a leech. And is sending you those messages to play with your head because he knows you deserve better and can easily find better than him. Xxx

Yankeescot · 22/09/2023 20:36

This wankstain brings exactly what into your life? He's a vile abuser to treat you like that! Is the house solely in your name? If you're scared he'll smash things and take the cats if you end it, ring the police round while he removes his things. Then change the locks.
It's disgusting the way he's treating you. Especially when you're feeling ill after such a busy week.

StarDolphins · 22/09/2023 20:38

Have you got anywhere to go? Family? I would take your cats & get out if you can.

Swipe left for the next trending thread