Why do they say marriage is hard?

[plehpleh]

We have been married 2.5 years with a 20mo. Can I please ask why people say marriage is hard?

Is it something that becomes harder as you mature and change as people? Is it supporting each other though some of life's hardest times, like illness and loss of parents?

I'm genuinely am not trying to say we're perfect, only that we're only 2 years in and it's been wonderful so far and I'm wondering what the triggers are to make it harder down the line. Or do you not agree that marriage is hard?

@UsingChangeofName

but don't think it helps anyone to pretend there aren't times when you have had to work at it.

When did I say that? We've had our ups and downs. Our son sounds like yours with the endless cycle of 2 hours sleep, 2 hours crying, 24/7, and yes, my father died due to medical negligence at the same time so having to support my mother, both during the hospital nightmare and then as a widow. None of that was easy, but it was made easier by having a supportive husband who had my back and did his fair share of the childcare, night feeds, getting up early (4/5 am) to take our son so I could have a sleep, before he left for work at 8, etc. Having a solid husband made all that a lot easier. I couldn't have coped on my own or with a waste of space partner.

I hope I can get what I want to say across. I think there's a difference between marriage being hard and life being hard. Of course life can be difficult and a struggle and need planning and work. But if a relationship needs to be worked on then for me, that's probably the end.

That's it in a nutshell. Life can be hard. Having a solid partner can make it easier. That's how it should be. It's no use life being hard, and on top of that, having a difficult relationship where you're not on the same page, arguments/disagreements, etc.

I'd not put up with an unsupportive partner, and that's exactly why OH and I were very slow to get properly together, so that we could both properly "suss" each other out, test the waters, etc., before we got too deep. Looking back, it was ridiculously slow and we wish we'd done things a lot quicker/sooner, but that's with the benefit of hindsight. Neither of us genuinely regret taking things slow as we ended up doing most of the things we wanted out of life.

My OH was like a breath of fresh air compared to my previous semi-serious partner, who was fine at first (first flushes of love/lust etc), but cracks soon started to show, highlighting his selfishness, lack of support, lack of consideration, etc - all small things, easily over-looked, (like minor lies, "forgetting" his wallet on date nights etc), but they all added up, and because I was wary and going slow, I could see the "real" person behind what he was trying to portray, and put a end to it before it could get serious. Friends/family thought I was stupid as there was no "real" reason to end the relationship, as I say, everything was small/tiny issues, but in my mind, it showed his true character, and I just didn't like where it could lead to! Through friends I know what his life had been like and it's been chaotic, succession of broken relationships, 4 kids with 4 different mothers, unemployment, etc - so glad I took things slow and didn't get suckered in so could walk away early enough!

Some of what you go through in life can be amplified by having a partner though - I wouldn't have gone through miscarriages if I hadn't a partner, or troubles of bringing up dc, or in-laws dying. So if I wasn't married/in a relationship I'd have to go through the things that happen in my life anyway alone, but there's a load of extra things that have only happened because I was in a relationship.