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Original poster

What has a guy done that instantly made you lose interest?

507 replies

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 17:14

The ones that spring to mind:

  • Thought Jordan Peterson 'had some interesting ideas.
  • Used 'female' as a noun.
  • Let me pay half. I always offered, but if you let me, there would be no second date.
  • Really poor spelling and grammar. Not the occasional mistake or lapse (we all make them), practicaly unintelligible messages.
  • Said he 'wasn't a reader'
  • Was a picky eater.
  • Was teetotal.
  • Was religious.
  • Wore a chain.
  • Didn't drink water.

The dating pool has pee in it and, on top of that, I'm fairly unreasonable. I'm very happy I met my husband. 🤣

OP posts:
SamW98 · 12/09/2023 23:39

Gave my arse a couple of weak limp wristed taps and said ‘you love it you dirty bitch’ - it was really hard to stifle my laughters. Hardly 50 shades territory

TrishM80 · 13/09/2023 03:25

In my opinion, the etiquette for first dates is:

  1. Man offers to pay all
  2. Woman says "no, I'll pay half"
  3. Man says "no it's fine, I insist"
  4. Woman says "OK if you insist, thank you"

The man should always decline the woman's first offer of paying half, but if the woman continues to insist of paying half as a "test" of the man, that's just stupid mind games!

How many times is the man supposed to decline the offer, ad infinitum?!

MissingMoominMamma · 13/09/2023 06:17

Why should the man pay, unless he’s specifically said, ‘it’s on me’, beforehand?

This isn’t the 1950s.

Sushi4Dins · 13/09/2023 07:20

MissingMoominMamma · 13/09/2023 06:17

Why should the man pay, unless he’s specifically said, ‘it’s on me’, beforehand?

This isn’t the 1950s.

If you don’t want the man to pay, don’t let him. The fact that other women date differently doesn’t really have anything to do with you, so I’m not really seeing the problem.

SamW98 · 13/09/2023 07:23

Many first dates these days are for more informal than the boring predictable zero imagination out to dinner man pays.

I would never go to dinner on a first date. I’d always go for coffee or drinks which gives much more opportunity to have a chat and get to know someone rather than trying to chat between mouthfuls.

And no if there were several rounds of drinks or coffee, I would never sit on my hands expecting the man to order and pay for each one.

Naunet · 13/09/2023 07:23

Ilovelurchers · 10/09/2023 19:18

Again, not a criticism, but can you unpack what makes it unfun for you? Obviously you don't have to, but I would really value it if you would, as people may be thinking the same about me as a non-drinker, so it would help to know what they are thinking.

If it doesn't make you feel bad, what does it make you feel? Because half a bottle of wine doesn't reliably alter someone's behaviour - certainly not someone who is regular drinker - so it can't be that you only spending social time with people who are acting like they are tipsy/drunk......

Do you want to discuss the taste of the wine with them?

And if you were already in a relationship and the person then decided to stop drinking, would that be a deal-breaker for you?

Show quote history

How about you ‘unpack’ why you can’t accept and respect other peoples preferences?

belei1922 · 13/09/2023 07:28

PermanentTemporary · 10/09/2023 17:18

Use of the phrases 'm'dear' or 'How's you' were always an instant fanny-closer.

I like first dates where no money changes hands, but if not I'm suspicious if a man insists on paying - looks like it takes all sorts!

Fanny closer 😂😂😂 love it

belei1922 · 13/09/2023 07:28

Supersimkin2 · 10/09/2023 17:30

Farted in a campervan.

Haaaaaa

SimonMills · 13/09/2023 08:00
  • Been a bit thick
Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 08:35

SamW98 · 13/09/2023 07:23

Many first dates these days are for more informal than the boring predictable zero imagination out to dinner man pays.

I would never go to dinner on a first date. I’d always go for coffee or drinks which gives much more opportunity to have a chat and get to know someone rather than trying to chat between mouthfuls.

And no if there were several rounds of drinks or coffee, I would never sit on my hands expecting the man to order and pay for each one.

I mean, that wasn’t what was asked, but good for you. I hope that worked/is working out for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 08:41

All the people rushing to share how they go 50/50 on dates or whatever - I don’t care. Nobody asked. I wish you the best with your life choices.

Now, please, share your funny stories about date turn offs. Those, I’d love to hear.

OP posts:
Lemonyfuckit · 13/09/2023 08:42

The one that springs to mind was: arranged we should meet at Oxford Circus, on a Saturday afternoon, whilst Pride was on, then acted surprise it was busy and complained that Pride shouldn't be allowed on a Saturday when people want to go shopping. Then when we went to a pub just had a glass of water. He was then surprised that I didn't want a second drink and (suddenly) had plans immediately afterwards....

SamW98 · 13/09/2023 09:02

LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 08:35

I mean, that wasn’t what was asked, but good for you. I hope that worked/is working out for you.

Show quote history

I was responding to the post above listing the etiquette for first dates - which is a bit out of date these days I’ve discovered now being single for first time in 30 years

C1N1C · 13/09/2023 09:03

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/09/2023 20:50

It's as though they think they're Ferengi traders.

Show quote history

10 points to Gryffindor!

SamW98 · 13/09/2023 09:04

Not me but a friend went on a date and the guy turned up wearing an obvious wig - which was made even worse when he stumbled up a step and it went wonky.

I defy anyone to not be put off by that one

Frith2013 · 13/09/2023 09:10

SimonMills · 13/09/2023 08:00

  • Been a bit thick

The irony.

Lemonyfuckit · 13/09/2023 09:13

GoryBory · 10/09/2023 20:08

I don’t understand why not reading would be a turn off for some people.

How does that affect you if you were in a relationship?

I love to read but I only got into it in my late 20s and I’ve actually not read for about 4 months.
But I read murder mysteries and thrillers, not intellectual books so I’m not instantly more intelligent or a better person because I read.

It wouldn’t bother me if someone read a book a day or never read a book since school, as it doesn’t impact me so I don’t know why this would be a deal breaker for anyone.

That's fine if it's not a deal breaker for you, but this is a thread where people say their own preferences / turn offs.

Clearly for some it's a turn off because the implication is (whether true or not, but this is just about preferences that we decide fairly quickly) there's a lack of curiosity about the world / other people, lack of imagination. For me that's a turn off. Doesn't have to be fiction (albeit I still cannot really fathom why my DH doesn't read fiction, and, I still keep trying to get him to! - which I know irritates him...) but to not read anything? To me that implies there's not much going on up top....

YupIKnow · 13/09/2023 09:17

Have bad teeth!

GoryBory · 13/09/2023 09:20

LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 08:41

All the people rushing to share how they go 50/50 on dates or whatever - I don’t care. Nobody asked. I wish you the best with your life choices.

Now, please, share your funny stories about date turn offs. Those, I’d love to hear.

So it’s ok for you to share your views on going 50/50 on a date but no one else is allowed …….. right ok 🙄

Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 09:21

Lemonyfuckit · 13/09/2023 08:42

The one that springs to mind was: arranged we should meet at Oxford Circus, on a Saturday afternoon, whilst Pride was on, then acted surprise it was busy and complained that Pride shouldn't be allowed on a Saturday when people want to go shopping. Then when we went to a pub just had a glass of water. He was then surprised that I didn't want a second drink and (suddenly) had plans immediately afterwards....

I swear I went on that date, but sub in Shoreditch on a Friday night for Pride. He was mortally offended everything was so busy and did not want lemon in his water, thank you!

If his initials were OT, then tis the same dude. 🤣

OP posts:
GoryBory · 13/09/2023 09:25

Lemonyfuckit · 13/09/2023 09:13

That's fine if it's not a deal breaker for you, but this is a thread where people say their own preferences / turn offs.

Clearly for some it's a turn off because the implication is (whether true or not, but this is just about preferences that we decide fairly quickly) there's a lack of curiosity about the world / other people, lack of imagination. For me that's a turn off. Doesn't have to be fiction (albeit I still cannot really fathom why my DH doesn't read fiction, and, I still keep trying to get him to! - which I know irritates him...) but to not read anything? To me that implies there's not much going on up top....

Show quote history

That’s fine, I was just genuinely curious.

I do find it ironic that you think someone who chooses not to read has ‘nothing going on up top’ when I would think the same about someone who thinks intelligence is based on how many books you read.

My love of thrillers e.g. The Bone Collector, definitely does not make me any more or less intelligent than someone who chooses to spend their time doing something other than reading.

So I was just curious why this would put people off an otherwise decent person.

gingangirly · 13/09/2023 09:26

Said he was a widower. Automatic sympathy vote.

Turns out they had been separated for years. So TECHNICALLY he was a widower but to claim he was for sympathy? Nah.

Funnily enough a few years later a woman I know did the same thing, got in the local paper (man died traumatically) with sad face. Been separated years too.

Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 09:32

GoryBory · 13/09/2023 09:20

So it’s ok for you to share your views on going 50/50 on a date but no one else is allowed …….. right ok 🙄

Show quote history

I listed things that turned me off dates (and provided clarification when it was requested). That’s what the thread is about. I’m not sure what part of that is unclear. 😊

Nobody is asking for your opinion on other people’s turn offs - reading, paying on dates, whatever. You’re certainly ‘allowed’ to write whatever you want, I’m not the boss of MN. However, people tutting about other women dating differently to to them just isn’t very interesting to read, so it would be nice if you engaged with the topic of the thread instead.

OP posts:
YupIKnow · 13/09/2023 09:33

A widower who turned up wearing a wedding ring. He certainly wasn't ready for dating.

Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 13/09/2023 09:34

SamW98 · 13/09/2023 09:04

Not me but a friend went on a date and the guy turned up wearing an obvious wig - which was made even worse when he stumbled up a step and it went wonky.

I defy anyone to not be put off by that one

Some of these are wonderful! 🤣

OP posts: