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Original poster

What has a guy done that instantly made you lose interest?

507 replies

LusaBatoosa · 10/09/2023 17:14

The ones that spring to mind:

  • Thought Jordan Peterson 'had some interesting ideas.
  • Used 'female' as a noun.
  • Let me pay half. I always offered, but if you let me, there would be no second date.
  • Really poor spelling and grammar. Not the occasional mistake or lapse (we all make them), practicaly unintelligible messages.
  • Said he 'wasn't a reader'
  • Was a picky eater.
  • Was teetotal.
  • Was religious.
  • Wore a chain.
  • Didn't drink water.

The dating pool has pee in it and, on top of that, I'm fairly unreasonable. I'm very happy I met my husband. 🤣

OP posts:
Sushi4Dins · 11/09/2023 20:16

Otterhound · 11/09/2023 19:52

Sushi, she took the time because she wanted to. She also wanted to become a partner asap and knew taking 2 years out would have taken longer as it would have taken anyone else.
As for all the school stuff, as I mentioned, that was all out sourced. I also know a few high earning women whose husbands did most of the life admin so one could argue how much of a hit to your career takes by having children depends on how much money the family has to out source and the type of person you marry

Sushi, she took the time because she wanted to. She also wanted to become a partner asap and knew taking 2 years out would have taken longer as it would have taken anyone else.

So, she’d have taken a hit. And this isn’t a position in which men find themselves, so who is the “anyone else”?

The handful of women who manage through dint of things like having almost no maternity leave (something a lot of people are physically, emotionally, logistically or financially unable to do) to minimise impact on their careers doesn’t change the fact that this isn’t the case for the majority of women.

And, yes, who you marry and the family income are key factors. That’s the point that was initially made. What is your argument, exactly?

1FootInTheRave · 11/09/2023 20:19

Wore Matalan jeans.
Kept money in their sock.
Small girly hands.
Feminine nails.
Ugly unkempt feet.
Promised an animal in bed, then mimicked a hamster.
No witty repertoire.

Avocadocherry · 11/09/2023 22:00

I once had this weird experience as a student when I went to one of those legal herbal high places that were trendy in the late nineties.
I’d just split up with a guy, and was having a rebound relationship with another.
I looked across at the new man, and he was encased in the glittering outline of the previous.
It was utterly bizarre because in normal life I couldn’t see the similarity but in this situation it was so obvious, it’s hard to explain but I could see where lines of their bodies and faces matched up, as if I’d laid an acetate of one over the other. Some sort of weird trip but I couldn’t unsee it back in reality.

Itsthesamehere · 11/09/2023 22:21

But that's irrelevant on your individual date with an individual man. You might earn more than him, so what on earth has the sex pay gap got to do with whether you should go halves or not?

I wonder if of one of the OP’s many criteria was that any potential DH earned a lot more than her.

FluffletheMeow · 11/09/2023 22:35

LusaBatoosa · 11/09/2023 13:23

@Otterhound A handful. I then declined further dates. 😊

This is going to be long and isn’t really directed at you, but everyone who asked yesterday. I’ve more time this afternoon. 😁

We’ve just had our PFB and agreed that I’ll be a SAHM for the first few years of his life (ditto any subsequent kids, we want two or three). I was earning just over £80K. My DH earns well over twice that before his bonus. We have 100% shared finances and my DH is a happy breadwinner who thinks earning money and providing for his family is his responsibility and that my (currently non-monetary) contributions are of equal value to anything he brings in. This is what I was screening for. Paying on the first date is one of many, many ways by which I did this.

(He also does far more than his share of domestic labour and is funny, clever, kind and gorgeous. Total love of my life. I got super lucky, but I digress. 🤣)

When we live in a world where there is no wage gap, where men and women take an equal hit to their careers and earnings when kids turn up, where men’s minds and bodies have a similar toll taken from when kids turn up, and where men and women do equal amounts of domestic labour - then I will agree that women should pay half on dates. That day isn’t here.

So, what we’ve got is a generation of women who genuinely believe that not going 50/50 makes them gold diggers and who are desperate to not be gold diggers. They are proud pay their own way. Lots of them even subsidise cocklodgers. They then end up in relationships where they are carrying all the mental load, doing most of the domestic labour (because they think ‘men don’t see mess’ or some other nonsense), doing most of the childcare (because ‘it’s different for mothers’) and are still contributing financially. They think this is equality. I do not.

A shame to derail such a fun thread, but I would like to defend my position, so here goes:

When I was dating I'd have been in my teens/early twenties. There is a good chance that I was better off than the date. Any assumption otherwise I'd find odd, patronising. I wasn't planning kids on a first date!

But if it did come up I'd want all options on the table to be discussed as equals. He could take time out, he can do drop offs, pick ups, sick days. Certainly I'm not doing all the household chores!
Whatever is decided should be fair, and might (probably would) involve some element of him earning for both, but this should be discussed.
So yes, old fashioned ideas about who should pay didn't work for me. And some guys were quite pushy about it, which was definitely a turn off.

Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 11/09/2023 22:40

FluffletheMeow · 11/09/2023 22:35

A shame to derail such a fun thread, but I would like to defend my position, so here goes:

When I was dating I'd have been in my teens/early twenties. There is a good chance that I was better off than the date. Any assumption otherwise I'd find odd, patronising. I wasn't planning kids on a first date!

But if it did come up I'd want all options on the table to be discussed as equals. He could take time out, he can do drop offs, pick ups, sick days. Certainly I'm not doing all the household chores!
Whatever is decided should be fair, and might (probably would) involve some element of him earning for both, but this should be discussed.
So yes, old fashioned ideas about who should pay didn't work for me. And some guys were quite pushy about it, which was definitely a turn off.

Show quote history

That’s nice. I hope it worked out for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 11/09/2023 22:41

1FootInTheRave · 11/09/2023 20:19

Wore Matalan jeans.
Kept money in their sock.
Small girly hands.
Feminine nails.
Ugly unkempt feet.
Promised an animal in bed, then mimicked a hamster.
No witty repertoire.

Promised an animal in bed, then mimicked a hamster.

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
FluffletheMeow · 11/09/2023 22:56

I like to think we're pretty happy. (To each their own and all)
Excellent thread as I said. I laughed lots!

Toenailz · 11/09/2023 23:19

LadyOfTheCanyon · 11/09/2023 09:57

@Toenailz

Extraordinarily bad grammar. Doesn't have to be perfect, but if I genuinely struggle to read what they've wrote, I just can't.

I hate to be that person, but it's written, surely?

Apart from that, I'm with you on just about everything. Grin

No, you don't, at all. You rather enjoy it.

As I said 'doesn't have to be perfect, but if I can't read it...'

I would think someone educated enough to recognise errors in present perfect and simple past, would have common sense enough to understand the difference between these (common) errors, and a message that reads something akin to (ok, no not akin, I'll literally quote): 'lll hagtbto let tou aork thesuick'.

Still never found out what it means. They got excited and typed too quickly, they said.

Toenailz · 11/09/2023 23:24

worriedatwork123 · 11/09/2023 19:26

asked me if I had washed my hands when I went to the loo

shoes with jeans

tucked in jumpers

had a weird goatee beard that he kept twiddling

incorrectly mansplained legislation i've worked with everyday and am a specialist in when he was a layperson and then told me I was wrong when i corrected him

The incorrect mansplaining - yes! I'll add that to my list.

For some reason, I find it even more gross when it's early days and it's blatant they're trying to show off, by talking about something they know nothing about, as if they're experts.

IDriveMySupernova · 11/09/2023 23:37

A few that spring to mind:

Asked if I wanted to go back to his to meet his rats

Went off on a David Mitchell style tangent

Told me psytrance was his favourite genre of music

RantyAnty · 12/09/2023 02:54

Breathing

Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 12/09/2023 09:14

RantyAnty · 12/09/2023 02:54

Breathing

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
AlrightThen · 12/09/2023 21:13

He didn't make me lose interest, he buried himself.

MissingMoominMamma · 12/09/2023 21:18

AlrightThen · 12/09/2023 21:13

He didn't make me lose interest, he buried himself.

He took his own life?

Crikeyalmighty · 12/09/2023 21:35

Many yearsago- A guy who first time having sex whispered to me ' I will protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door' (power of love- frankie goes to Hollywood) - totally gave me the creeps and very very needy vibes!!!

GilbertMarkham · 12/09/2023 22:11

Crikeyalmighty · 12/09/2023 21:35

Many yearsago- A guy who first time having sex whispered to me ' I will protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door' (power of love- frankie goes to Hollywood) - totally gave me the creeps and very very needy vibes!!!

😂psml.

You nether regions must've have tried their utmost to spontaneously eject his dick after he said that.

There are some weird weird people out there.

GilbertMarkham · 12/09/2023 22:13

I feel horrible writing this but .... He shaved off his beard.

He'd had a sizeable goatee since I'd known him, had never seen him without out. Had never, in my naivety, suspected that he wore a goatee because of the shape of his chin/jaw.

He turned out to have a weird, chinless thing going on. Looked like a different person. I couldn't really fancy him or feel the same.

Have been suspicious of bearded men since.

GilbertMarkham · 12/09/2023 22:15

In fact I coined the phrase "beard fraud" as a result of it.

Original poster
LusaBatoosa · 12/09/2023 22:21

GilbertMarkham · 12/09/2023 22:15

In fact I coined the phrase "beard fraud" as a result of it.

My friend calls it ‘beardfishing’. 😆

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 12/09/2023 22:25

LusaBatoosa · 12/09/2023 22:21

My friend calls it ‘beardfishing’. 😆

Show quote history

That is brilliant 😁

DreamTheMoors · 12/09/2023 22:32

I stopped at one date after he showed up with a “man-bag” - a handbag thing he used to carry his wallet & keys.

DollyDan · 12/09/2023 23:18

Referred to me as “mummy” when speaking on behalf of his dog, mummy will get you some water etc, cringing thinking about it!
Let me pay for everything for him and his son (my fault I know).
Tantrums like a child when anything went wrong.
Fake expert on every subject.
Believed all manner of ridiculous theories, if a podcast said it was true then it must be 😂
Only got it up after taking viagra but let me know in advance he was taking it, not sexy!
All the same man and am sooooo much happier single 😘

Crikeyalmighty · 12/09/2023 23:27

@GilbertMarkham I think I kind of froze - just so odd

GilbertMarkham · 12/09/2023 23:34

Crikeyalmighty · 12/09/2023 23:27

@GilbertMarkham I think I kind of froze - just so odd

You poor thing.

He must it thought it was romantic or something..... What goes on in people's heads