What has a guy done that instantly made you lose interest?

[LusaBatoosa]

The ones that spring to mind:

• Thought Jordan Peterson 'had some interesting ideas.
• Used 'female' as a noun.
• Let me pay half. I always offered, but if you let me, there would be no second date.
• Really poor spelling and grammar. Not the occasional mistake or lapse (we all make them), practicaly unintelligible messages.
• Said he 'wasn't a reader'
• Was a picky eater.
• Was teetotal.
• Was religious.
• Wore a chain.
• Didn't drink water.

The dating pool has pee in it and, on top of that, I'm fairly unreasonable. I'm very happy I met my husband. 🤣

I had a first date with a guy who pays on his company card and asked for a VAT receipt 🤣🤣

@LusaBatoosa

When we live in a world where there is no wage gap, where men and women take an equal hit to their careers and earnings when kids turn up, where men’s minds and bodies have a similar toll taken from when kids turn up, and where men and women do equal amounts of domestic labour - then I will agree that women should pay half on dates. That day isn’t here.

So, what we’ve got is a generation of women who genuinely believe that not going 50/50 makes them gold diggers and who are desperate to not be gold diggers. They are proud pay their own way. Lots of them even subsidise cocklodgers. They then end up in relationships where they are carrying all the mental load, doing most of the domestic labour (because they think ‘men don’t see mess’ or some other nonsense), doing most of the childcare (because ‘it’s different for mothers’) and are still contributing financially. They think this is equality. I do not.

100% brilliant post. Women who think they're all equal, and are 'sticking it to the patriarchy' because they pay for everything themselves are deluded. These men want equality for women when it comes to the women paying for everything for themselves, but very rarely bother with equality when it comes to housework and childcare and life admin, and general grunt work etc.

Most men will have their woman working as many hours as him, but still expect her to do 90% of the domestic duties/childcare/housework/life admin etc. SO many posters on here are just not seeing this. And it's fucking depressing!

I agree @LusaBatoosa with the point about men expecting the woman they asked on a date to pay for themselves. I would never go on a second date with a man who didn't offer to pay for me.

Posters go on about feminism and equality etc etc, but IMO, women will ultimately be the lower earners most of the time, and will have a hit on their earnings when they have children. So they want to know that a man is kind and generous, and not a massive tightwad, and will support his children - and her. Support her not only through having and raising his children, but also through sickness and ill health and any job losses. Any man who expects me to pay for myself, early on in knowing him/dating him, is a red flag (IMO.)

I knew a couple once (some 15 years ago,) who had been together around 5 years, and rented a house together. Moved in together after 2 years together. They were planning on marrying, and buying a house together in the near future. HE was a 'my money is mine/your money is yours' type, who insisted they both paid 50% for everything, no matter what the difference in earnings. because it's the 21st century, and SHE has the same opportunities to earn well too.

Five years into their relationship, she developed mental health issues and depression, that had been underlying for some years, due to a childhood trauma, and she was off work (sick) for 6 months. Then they made her redundant. Very little pay off as she had only been there 3 or 4 years.

Long story short, after she had been off work for a year - 6 months off sick, and then 6 months unemployed (but still sick,) he dumped her. Said 'this is not what I signed up for.' Left her when she was really vulnerable and needed care.

Thank GOD she never had children with him, and didn't marry him! She moved back to her parents. They cared for her and nurtured her. She was still there (with her parents,) 3 years later when we left the area. She got a new job some 18 months after being off sick from her old one (12 months after being made redundant.) Just part time, but still went back to work.

Also, I find that men who are mean with money are crap in bed too, and also never lift a finger in the house. Them wanting women to have 'equality' only ever goes as far as the women paying for everything for themselves. These same men never pull their weight in the house, or with the childcare. They also don't particularly want to look after their wife/partner when she needs it.

I went out with a man once (on a date,) who asked me out. He worked at the same place as me at the time. He spent the whole evening talking about himself and his mates, and his hobbies, and how if women want equality, they can take pay for themselves, and they can take a punch - like a man would.'

I said nothing to him, just took my handbag, walked off, and left the building. I was sickened by what he had said. Vile cunt. I ignored him completely at work, (Luckily I hardly saw him as he worked in another department,) but after 4 or 5 times of being ignored, he stopped trying to talk to me. I pity any woman who ended up with him!

@AlexaCanYouHearMe I think we’re on exactly the same page. I find it very surprising that more women don’t get all this, but people can get quite cross when you point it out.

I have resolved to tend to my own business and let them tend to theirs. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Sorry, i wasnt clear!
What I meant was did you pay on the 2nd/3rd date with DH.

Oh, I see! Sorry, completely misunderstood! 🤣

Third date, I got us theatre tickets, so yes, I paid. Fourth date was dinner at mine, so I suppose I paid for that, as well. He paid for the majority of our dates, however.

they can take a punch - like a man would.

Physically?

Has he lived 30 odd years on this planet without noticing that men, on average, have larger frames, bigger bones, bigger muscles, bigger lungs, significantly more upper body strength, more aggression & risk taking on average due to testosterone etc. etc.

If it was him "taking a punch" from an alien species that arrived on earth and was significantly bigger and stronger and more physically aggessive & risk taking than men on average; would he think it was perfectly even and fair that he "take a punch" from them just like he was one of them?

Men who think in terms of physical dominance and violence demonstrate exactly how they "think" anyway ...... But funnily enough they are never usually challenging men stronger and bigger and more violent than them, nor do they appear to think they should be subservient to and inferior to and have less say than men who are bigger and stronger than them. Somehow they are allowed to be equal to them, even though they couldn't take a punch from them without getting badly hurt and couldn't win a physical fight with them. Then; physical size and dominance somehow doesn't dictate inequality for them. But somehow it should for females.

There is also the possibility that uncommon women could be stronger than them or knock them out or take them in a fight; not many, but they exist. We've all seen the video of the Amazonian black lady trailing around and throwing around the little skinny man who tried to be aggressive to her, it was a mauling, and he was in no point in control.

So are women who cab bear men physically allowed equality to them?

By that rationale men who can't beat other men physically aren't entitled to equality with them. Would he like a society where everyone physically fights constantly to establish dominance and equality (or superiority?). How would he fair in that society? Against bigger, more aggessive, stronger men. Can they tell him what to do and that he's inferior to them when he loses? Is it perfectly ok if they injure him when they punch him?

Strong logic from this guy (and I know plenty like him(.

Yeah to this too @LusaBatoosa Some women DO get very cross with women who point out all you (and I) have said. OR they put their hands over their ears and go 'lalalalalalala!' Foolish stance.

AND it's a foolish way to think, that just because a man is 'happy' for a woman he has asked on a date, to pay for herself (or even insists she does,) that he is a feminist and believes in equal rights. Hold my beer while I piss myself laughing at that!!! 😆

@GilbertMarkham Well this 'man' was not exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree! As you pretty much said, you have to be a bit of a thick moron to think any woman who wants 'equal rights' should therefore take a punch from a man!

The sad thing is I've noticed it's not just the obviously dumb ones who think this way.

I see the "might makes right", "I should dominate because I'm physically bigger & stronger, "I'm the real head of the household" attitude simmering under the surface and underpinning their values in lots of men from all walks of life.

And some women even go along with it, I cringed hard when Davina McCall said her ex was the man of the house/ the "man" at home etc. Trying to big him up and set him above because she was out-earning him by millions and felt she had to/was pandering to him. Didn't really work, did it. He's now just enjoying 50% of her earnings with whoever he's with.

Oh, that would have made me laugh and quite intrigued. I suppose it takes all sorts.

Presumably you are upfront on your OLD profile about the fact that you expect a guy to pay for a first date, so they all know that you expect someone you've never met to pay for someone he's never met.

Start as you mean to go in in a relationship.

I expect an equal relationship and don't assume I'm going to earn less than my OH, or that my job will suffer from having children. My DCs are adults now and I didn't take any careers hits, we share domestic labour equally etc etc. (I know that isn't everyone's experience by the way). If he had insisted on paying on date 1 I would have be very turned off (insisting on anything as though I'm not able to make my own decisions; assuming he was better off / earned more than me).

But we're all different. Equality is really important to me, and I didn't need or want a 'big man' to sweep me off my feet or to treat me like a princess. I could look after myself perfectly well, and we treat each other as equals (in both meanings of that words - lots of 'treats' both ways).

There is no 'wrong' of course. You have your list and it isn't 'wrong'. I just think someone using your list for inspiration might miss the fact that you could end up with someone who likes to be seen to throw their money around / calls themselves 'an old fashioned gent' (urgh); doesn't see you as his equal ; assumes he earns more. All very off-putting and potentially the opposite of a good partner.

RTFT.

He thought bodily function jokes were hilarious. I mean come on, try and be at least little bit more suave

That’s nice.

The list wasn’t provided as inspiration. This isn’t an ‘inspirational’ thread. 🤣 As I was asked, I’ve stated my views, extremely clearly, and the rest of you are very welcome to do as you like. I do not care.

I’m here for the funny stories.

Thing is OP, for you personally you don't have to take a career hit so its sounds like your primary goal was to find a man who would be happy with you being a sahm for a long as needed and could afford for you to do so. Fair enough but why dress it up a something else?
one of the partners at my firm took 6 months with her 1st and 4 with the her second. Didn't hold back her career at all. Like you she and her partner earned enough to outsource childcare and household chores.

What a fascinating response. Where did you get that I’m not taking a career hit from what I said? And what am I ‘dressing up’?

And the fact that one of your partners was/is fine has zero impact on the fact that women, as a whole, take career hits when they have kids. This is inarguable fact. If you want specifics, I’d suggest you follow ‘Pregnant then screwed’.

asked me if I had washed my hands when I went to the loo

shoes with jeans

tucked in jumpers

had a weird goatee beard that he kept twiddling

incorrectly mansplained legislation i've worked with everyday and am a specialist in when he was a layperson and then told me I was wrong when i corrected him

@Loafbeginsat60 nope, not from Chester! 😅 What IS it with men and the price of onions, though? 😂

You’re a man, aren’t you?

You realise that most women in the U.K. take 12 months, so your partner took MUCH less maternity leave than she was entitled to or is the norm? Ask yourself why that is.

Then ask yourself if she would have taken a career hit if she’d taken the full 12 months.

Then ask yourself what happens to those of us who take the full 12 months, a couple of times. Then have to juggle childcare, school pickups and drop offs and sick days (all of which overwhelmingly fall to mothers). Ask yourself if it “doesn’t hold our careers back at all”.

Madness.

incorrectly mansplained legislation i've worked with everyday and am a specialist in when he was a layperson and then told me I was wrong when i corrected him

Oooh, I had something very similar happen! He’d read a book (article on the web), doncherknow?! 🤣

Sushi, she took the time because she wanted to. She also wanted to become a partner asap and knew taking 2 years out would have taken longer as it would have taken anyone else.
As for all the school stuff, as I mentioned, that was all out sourced. I also know a few high earning women whose husbands did most of the life admin so one could argue how much of a hit to your career takes by having children depends on how much money the family has to out source and the type of person you marry

I agree OP. We do not yet live in the utopia where women earn the same as men.

But that's irrelevant on your individual date with an individual man. You might earn more than him, so what on earth has the sex pay gap got to do with whether you should go halves or not?