What has a guy done that instantly made you lose interest?

[LusaBatoosa]

The ones that spring to mind:

• Thought Jordan Peterson 'had some interesting ideas.
• Used 'female' as a noun.
• Let me pay half. I always offered, but if you let me, there would be no second date.
• Really poor spelling and grammar. Not the occasional mistake or lapse (we all make them), practicaly unintelligible messages.
• Said he 'wasn't a reader'
• Was a picky eater.
• Was teetotal.
• Was religious.
• Wore a chain.
• Didn't drink water.

The dating pool has pee in it and, on top of that, I'm fairly unreasonable. I'm very happy I met my husband. 🤣

💯 so and have done so in the past!!

And I’m still upset about it to this day, as you can tell by the fact I mention it on Mumsnet!!!

As I’ve already said, I thought it was worth it. So, while you might consider it backfiring, I considered it the cost of the screening exercise and I was fine with it.

It’s actually not about the money. I can (and could) afford to pay for my meals. It’s about screening out men who do not actively want to treat you. I wasn’t interested in those men.

Such an old fashioned view. I hope you meat lots of men who consider it an honour to treat you as you deserve to be treated 😂

I did, indeed. Married one of them. Having a fabulous time. 😊

He suddenly reminded me of my ex, so that was that.

One guy I dated in my early 20s asked me to be his girlfriend after only 2 dates, I said no as I wanted to get to know him a bit better first and he wouldn't accept it and said either I be his girlfriend or he won't ever see me again haha!! So I never saw him again!
Another guy in my 20s who didn't work and stayed at home most days watching films with his female housemate.

Different people have told me:
How to dress (e.g. "I like girls who wear...")
Not to swear
They dislike my taste in music
I'm too clever
I'm too sarcastic
I'm too stupid
I'm too short
I'm too opinionated
That my political views were ridiculous
That I should be more respectful to men

Bad manners, racism, sexism, suggesting sex immediately, homophobia, ignorance, arrogance, poor hygiene, no sense of humour/cruel humour, lack of empathy, laziness, no willingness to do anything different- all put me off.

Used the phrase 'all lives matter'. I read about Jess Phillips reading out the names of female murder victims for the first time (for me learning about it I mean) and mentioned it v briefly to him. He replied 'well what about all the male victims of suicide?

The day after the mass shooting here which took place in front of my workplace.....he sulked because I avoided telling him why I was so upset (he knew) because my dds were there and I kept those events from them.

I can't bear any form of 'special treatment' due to my being a female so I would never ever let anyone pay my way. Ever. In fact, someone paying for me would piss me off enormously.

I remember one concert when my date stopped and straightened up my hair for me (I had been dancing). Which was cute. Until he said 'I like my women to always look their best.' Which bearing in mind I am a bit of a tomboy, clumsy and like to feel free rather than worrying about my hair/makeup/outfit, was a right turnoff.

Also: illiterate
Bad hygiene
Bad manners
Dismissive
Unkind
Unfunny
Thoughtless
Drinker or a smoker
Stuck in their ways
Tv/phone addict

DH is a non driver, and it pisses me off enormously. So if I was ever single again, I would never date another non driver.

But things I do look for:

Smiley eyes
Sense of adventure
Funny
Kind and honest
Book lover
Can hold their own in an argument
Likes outdoors
Has technical skills (because I do not, and have no interest in learning)
Likes people

I'll copy/paste from above:

It’s actually not about the money. I can (and could) afford to pay for my meals. It’s about screening out men who do not actively want to treat you. I wasn’t interested in those men.

Went back to his.

Simpsons bed sheets.
He was 32.

Oh, and possibly outing.

My sons father, the first time he saw my mum after announcing pregnancy

"I thought you might be angry with me for knocking up your daughter" 🤮🤮🤮

I was already heavily considering breaking up (bad timing, yes). That made it much easier.

Skinny jeans/pointy shoes
Long and/or dirty fingernails
Smoothly shaven face
Underweight, or even just quite lean/fitness freak (I am none, so I need my man with a bit of pudge, or at the very least 'average' body type)
Overly woke/Overly old school

Lack of similar humour is a big one. I have a shockingly dirty sense of humour, or just plain shocking. They have to be able to understand a joke is a joke, even in bad taste, and often done precisely to be shocking. Can't be doing with sensitive people when it comes to humour.

No actual hobbies. There is nothing more dull, lifeless and empty than a person with no passions. Watching sport doesn't count.

At the pub every single weekend. An odd drink is fine, 'living for the weekend' when all that entails is the pub, is off putting for me.

Men who like me, more than I like them - because I'm afraid, from experience, the desperation that then comes, is absolutely grim.

Emotional insecurity/head games.

Extraordinarily bad grammar. Doesn't have to be perfect, but if I genuinely struggle to read what they've wrote, I just can't.

Weed smoker. The smell is horrendous.

I did manage to find someone surprisingly, despite the long list.

Went on at length about how women like me never want to date men like him, while we were on a date.

I realised when he smiled he looked like the snake in the Jungle Book and then I couldn't unsee it.

Told me they'd asked my friend out first or fancied her more first, as she had blonde hair but she already had a boyfriend. Why anyone thinks that's a good idea to mention idk. (This was teenage years admittedly.) I was actually quite pretty but a lot of shallow men/boys don't seem able to look beyond hair colour.

Boasting about what their stuff cost (particularly if its obviously an exaggeration).

Smokers, particularly weed and particularly if they are clearly anxious about how soon they can have their next puff.

Saying things deliberately designed to provoke a reaction and when you do react, tell you how "moody" you are.

Know It Alls / delusions of grandeur.
Bossy men especially those who try and spend my money for me.
Anyone who says stuff like "women always ..." as you know he'll be a misogynist.
Rude to service staff (or anyone).
Mummy's boys.
Evident shortfalls in personal hygiene.

@Toenailz

Extraordinarily bad grammar. Doesn't have to be perfect, but if I genuinely struggle to read what they've wrote, I just can't.

I hate to be that person, but it's written, surely?

Apart from that, I'm with you on just about everything.

Terrible first dates:

The man who had entered some body building comp some years earlier and won. My god he didn’t bloody shut up about it, I mean yes it’s a wonderful achievement for you, but can we talk about something other than lean chicken and brown rice and how much you can deadlift 🥱😴. Also I had made it pretty obvious I wasn’t interested in him and had already decided his offering of a second date. I think he decided he was too good looking for me to be turning him down and I must just be playing hard to get, and slid across the booth we were sat in pushed me into the corner and tried to kiss my face off whilst also grabbing my hand and shoving it onto his hard dick…we were in public!!! When I tried to get up to leave, he then pointed at his dick and said I’d have to wait for the beast to go down before he could let me out. I honestly could not escape fast enough!!!! 🤢 He continued to try and contact me for weeks afterwards and point blank refused to believe that I just wasn’t interested, and told me I should count myself lucky he was interested in me because apparently the women were queing round the corner for him.

The man who was a firefighter, good looking, came across really well on our coffee date, seemed intelligent and respectful. Seemed promising until he kept calling me and messaging me suggesting he come round and rescue me from my loneliness….don’t worry he said….it doesn’t need to lead to sex….I can just hold you 🤢 I haven’t ever said or even so much as hinted that I was lonely, or that I needed rescuing from anything, nevertheless he was determined to rescue me from something 😂

The man who I had been on several dates with, I went round to his house for the first time, he cooked me dinner which was nice. I gave him a compliment on a clock he had hanging on his wall, he then proceeded to tell me his 19 year old ex girlfriend had bought it for him as a moving in present. He was in his mid-late 30s!!! Any interest I’d had shrivelled up and died on the spot.

Been in a relationship with DH 20 years now so thankfully out of the dating pool, but I guess based on the above my list would be:

• Ego the size of a planet

• Hero/rescuer complex

• Dating or even being interest in people young enough to be your daughter.

OP, did you pay for any dates at all?

my take on paying was I’d pay (or offer to) for the 1st date if i wanted to see them again otherwise I’d take a 50/50.
I would offer to pay the 2nd date too but if they didnt offer to pay the 3rd then it would be game over for me.

otherwise those still going through divorce
no smokers/vapers/tattoo’s
fussy eaters
perfume you can smell from a county away

A bloke from facilities came to our office from down south. He was just my type physically. Then he started talking in detail about the square footage of rooms and the best flooring he'd laid. I lost interest immediately.

I'm sat at my desk, crying! 😂😂😂

@Otterhound A handful. I then declined further dates. 😊

This is going to be long and isn’t really directed at you, but everyone who asked yesterday. I’ve more time this afternoon. 😁

We’ve just had our PFB and agreed that I’ll be a SAHM for the first few years of his life (ditto any subsequent kids, we want two or three). I was earning just over £80K. My DH earns well over twice that before his bonus. We have 100% shared finances and my DH is a happy breadwinner who thinks earning money and providing for his family is his responsibility and that my (currently non-monetary) contributions are of equal value to anything he brings in. This is what I was screening for. Paying on the first date is one of many, many ways by which I did this.

(He also does far more than his share of domestic labour and is funny, clever, kind and gorgeous. Total love of my life. I got super lucky, but I digress. 🤣)

When we live in a world where there is no wage gap, where men and women take an equal hit to their careers and earnings when kids turn up, where men’s minds and bodies have a similar toll taken from when kids turn up, and where men and women do equal amounts of domestic labour - then I will agree that women should pay half on dates. That day isn’t here.

So, what we’ve got is a generation of women who genuinely believe that not going 50/50 makes them gold diggers and who are desperate to not be gold diggers. They are proud pay their own way. Lots of them even subsidise cocklodgers. They then end up in relationships where they are carrying all the mental load, doing most of the domestic labour (because they think ‘men don’t see mess’ or some other nonsense), doing most of the childcare (because ‘it’s different for mothers’) and are still contributing financially. They think this is equality. I do not.

@ŁadnaPogoda · Yesterday 21:32

Wore beige socks. His feet looked dead.

@ŁadnaPogoda · Yesterday 21:32

Wore beige socks. His feet looked dead.