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Original poster

Boyfriend more bothered about strangers feelings than mine

116 replies

Judepol · 05/09/2023 13:53

My boyfriend took me out for a meal. I ordered a burger. I went to put some sauce on the burger and the chef had cut out a triangle piece of beef bigger than a 50p piece. I told the waiter who looked about 17 and he said they have to cut out the beef to see if it is cooked. Now I know that is a lie as I worked in catering and there are temperature probes to check.

I told him why should I pay for something with the beef missing which is the most expensive part and he said 'that's the way it is'. I told him I won't be eating the meal. He looked shocked and said they will get another burger. I waited 10 minutes and a waitress came over and the same happened again a large chunk of beef cut out. I had to ask then for some extra chips as they had not got any common sense to recompense me.

My boyfriend at the end, paid by card and then told me he gave a £2.50 tip as he felt sorry for one of the waitresses. I was furious as they had given such a bad service. I told him as the tip was not paid by cash the waitress will not receive the tip.

I think it is absurd that my boyfriend is sticking up for strangers and not supporting me, he should not have paid a tip as he is condoning their actions.

I'm sick of him being a people pleaser. He doesn't like confrontation so will defend the person in the wrong and has a fear of upsetting a stranger than his girlfriend.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 05/09/2023 13:55

That would wind me right up

Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 13:58

You made him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed with your stropping.

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:01

Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 13:58

You made him feel uncomfortable and embarrassed with your stropping.

nope.
he's an idiot. As is the restaurant that did that. I would have sent the 2nd one back and left without paying (except for any drinks I'd consumed)

Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 14:01

Just because you worked in catering and used a temperature probe, doesn’t mean that’s how they do it everywhere. I think you were making everything into a much bigger deal that it needed to be and he was embarrassed, I would be too

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:02

@Carebearstare12e No, they did not provide they service. Am I supposed to laugh and go, it's ok I will pay for missing food.

OP posts:
Lilolilibet · 05/09/2023 14:02

It doesn't have to be a competition. You don't know they lied - it might be that restaurant's policy. It's not kind to haul the waitress over the coals and not for you to decide what would be common sense as you don't know what they're allowed to do. Taken in the round, I can understand why you seem well able to look after your own interests and why your partner would sympathise with whoever has been judged and spoken to sharply in the course of the evening. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.

Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 14:02

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:01

nope.
he's an idiot. As is the restaurant that did that. I would have sent the 2nd one back and left without paying (except for any drinks I'd consumed)

Show quote history

And you are just as likely to embarrass whoever you're with.

Someone being embarrassed by an uncomfortable situation with a demanding person isn't an 'idiot'. Just different to you.

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:03

@Drummend01 Would you pay for food missing off your meal?

OP posts:
Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:05

I'm really shocked people think it was ok the waiter gave me a dirty look and said that is the way it is. Who else would go out and pay for missing food. I don't understand as my boyfriend had a perfect burger. They did not want to give me a solution.

OP posts:
Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:06

@Brefugee Good advice. I should have just left. It wasn't worth the hassle and I will never go again.

OP posts:
Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 14:06

Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:02

@Carebearstare12e No, they did not provide they service. Am I supposed to laugh and go, it's ok I will pay for missing food.

Well you weren't paying for it were you? Your BF was. But you dont have to be so rude and stroppy. "The waiter looked about 17", "I know that's a lie" "I had to ask for extra chips as they didn't have common sense" "I'm furious".

Over a bit of beef? Calm down.

Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 14:06

Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:02

@Carebearstare12e No, they did not provide they service. Am I supposed to laugh and go, it's ok I will pay for missing food.

Well you weren't paying for it were you? Your BF was. But you dont have to be so rude and stroppy. "The waiter looked about 17", "I know that's a lie" "I had to ask for extra chips as they didn't have common sense" "I'm furious".

Over a bit of beef? Calm down.

Divebar2021 · 05/09/2023 14:06

If you’re going to have a tussle over the bill then perhaps it’s best that you pay it. If you allow someone else to pay then you accept it’s their decision as to tip or not. Perhaps he felt sorry for the wait staff getting flack for a decision by the kitchen.

saveforthat · 05/09/2023 14:07

I agree with you op. I get really irritated with people who can't stand up for themselves, as long as you were polite to the waitress as it was not her fault.

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:08

Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 14:02

And you are just as likely to embarrass whoever you're with.

Someone being embarrassed by an uncomfortable situation with a demanding person isn't an 'idiot'. Just different to you.

Show quote history

No i wouldn't. I don't make a huge histrionic fuss about things like this.
I'd have sent the first one back for having a chunk missing. I'd have sent the 2nd one back for having a chunk missing - asked for the bill for what i'd eaten so far and left.

And my DH, who has worked previously in michelin starred restaurants and is now retired, would have come with me - equally without having a shouting match. But he knows how to cook and present food, and that isn't it. Restaurant policy or not.

Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 14:09

Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:03

@Drummend01 Would you pay for food missing off your meal?

I would question it initially but when they explained it’s to check it is cooked I’d say okay and just eat it. It was less than a mouthful missing by the sounds of it so in my opinion not worth kicking up a massive fuss and ruining the meal over. The waiting staff can’t help the kitchen policy, it’s not their fault.

If you were really unhappy with the service then vote with your feet and don’t go back

Babysharkdoodoodood · 05/09/2023 14:09

Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:05

I'm really shocked people think it was ok the waiter gave me a dirty look and said that is the way it is. Who else would go out and pay for missing food. I don't understand as my boyfriend had a perfect burger. They did not want to give me a solution.

So your bf's didn't have a hole in it?

Did they think you're a delicate little flower that might get food poisoning but your bf doesn't matter?

YellowReadingLamp · 05/09/2023 14:15

Why can't people apply logic to situations?

If that GENUINELY is the situation at this particular restaurant (doubtful) then why didn't they:

a) advertise this as being the case
b) not apply the rule to the BFs burger
c) agree to replace it knowing it would happen again?

OP -your BF clearly can't understand basic logic and that would infuriate me so I'd personally ditch him.

blalala34 · 05/09/2023 14:15

You sound charming OP. I'd be embarrassed too. Ew to ppl like you who make a fuss and suck the joy out of a nice meal out being a pain and picky 🤮

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:16

i do worry about some MNers who can't possibly imagine that it is perfectly possible to complain about something without it being like something from the Queen Vic.

I complain about bad service as often as i get bad service, often people around have no idea about it. I also praise good service, and being married to a chef we often tip too much. (we also check that the staff get the tips, and sometimes ask if the kitchen staff are included)

It is perfectly possible to be assertive, and not to receive shoddy service without screeching like a banshee.

(checked with chef: nope, totally not at all normal to cut pieces out of burgers.
OP: do they do steak too? how would they check that?)

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:18

can anyone show me in the OP where she stood up, flipped over the table and screeched at their batshittery?

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:19

@Brefugee If you order 15oz steak you probably get 12oz but still have to pay the same and put up with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:21

@Brefugee I never went mad at all. The posters probably have children who work in fast food outlets so are infuriated I complained. I still can't believe he told me 'that's the way it is' and gave a me a dirty look while saying it. I had been polite.

OP posts:
blalala34 · 05/09/2023 14:21

You better take a scale to the restaurant next time OP...just in case Biscuit

yogasaurus · 05/09/2023 14:22

Why should anyone put up with bad service? SIL thinks you shouldn’t complain if it’s teenagers serving as ‘they’re just teenagers’. I say, bad service; complain every time. How else will they improve?

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