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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend more bothered about strangers feelings than mine

116 replies

Judepol · 05/09/2023 13:53

My boyfriend took me out for a meal. I ordered a burger. I went to put some sauce on the burger and the chef had cut out a triangle piece of beef bigger than a 50p piece. I told the waiter who looked about 17 and he said they have to cut out the beef to see if it is cooked. Now I know that is a lie as I worked in catering and there are temperature probes to check.

I told him why should I pay for something with the beef missing which is the most expensive part and he said 'that's the way it is'. I told him I won't be eating the meal. He looked shocked and said they will get another burger. I waited 10 minutes and a waitress came over and the same happened again a large chunk of beef cut out. I had to ask then for some extra chips as they had not got any common sense to recompense me.

My boyfriend at the end, paid by card and then told me he gave a £2.50 tip as he felt sorry for one of the waitresses. I was furious as they had given such a bad service. I told him as the tip was not paid by cash the waitress will not receive the tip.

I think it is absurd that my boyfriend is sticking up for strangers and not supporting me, he should not have paid a tip as he is condoning their actions.

I'm sick of him being a people pleaser. He doesn't like confrontation so will defend the person in the wrong and has a fear of upsetting a stranger than his girlfriend.

OP posts:
Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 05/09/2023 14:57

Motnight · 05/09/2023 14:53

If your boyfriend thought it wasn't an issue he should have just swopped his complete burger for your doughnut shaped one!

Plus £2.50 is a terrible tip 😂

I was going to say the same - £2.50 is hardly a glowing endorsement of the service! Surely a couple of burgers and a couple of drinks is going to be 40 quid?

pyjamalife · 05/09/2023 14:58

Motnight · 05/09/2023 14:53

If your boyfriend thought it wasn't an issue he should have just swopped his complete burger for your doughnut shaped one!

Plus £2.50 is a terrible tip 😂

I wondered if anyone would mention the tip, but I forgot as I wasn't gonna post!!

£25 is a pretty standard bill for two burgers, so £2.50 would be about 10%. Or less if drinks added.

Pretty embarrassing for him to brag about spending that as a tip, thinking it's a grand gesture. Unless there's a backstory that he never tips for basic service.

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 15:03

@pyjamalife He never tips, in this case he tips a bad service. It doesn't make sense.

OP posts:
Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 15:04

pyjamalife · 05/09/2023 14:58

I wondered if anyone would mention the tip, but I forgot as I wasn't gonna post!!

£25 is a pretty standard bill for two burgers, so £2.50 would be about 10%. Or less if drinks added.

Pretty embarrassing for him to brag about spending that as a tip, thinking it's a grand gesture. Unless there's a backstory that he never tips for basic service.

Show quote history

How was he bragging? OP only mentioned he said he tipped £2.50. Her boyfriend had paid for the whole meal!

Why should be swap his burger when he was paying for it all anyway, I’d just be grateful of the free meal and get over it

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 15:04

@Lulooo That is what I want to know, where are these bits of beef. If the cut piece is ok, just put it back.

OP posts:
howlismoving · 05/09/2023 15:04

If that is how the burger is always served then there isn't really anything missing from the product you purchased! If my partner acted like you I'd be mortified!

Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 15:05

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 05/09/2023 14:57

I was going to say the same - £2.50 is hardly a glowing endorsement of the service! Surely a couple of burgers and a couple of drinks is going to be 40 quid?

Show quote history

Maybe that’s what he could afford to tip after paying for the meal too. I hope the poor guy finds someone else to spend his money on, or himself in future, as OP doesn’t sound very grateful

Whattodo112222 · 05/09/2023 15:06

I think you just need to calm down tbh

pyjamalife · 05/09/2023 15:07

@Drummend01 it sounded like bragging to me as he walked out and specifically told her he tipped that much as if it was a huge amount.

As OP has now confirmed he never tips, that confirms to me that he's made a big deal over tipping for the bad service, a tip the server will see as basic and not equate to the OP's behaviour as an apology.

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 15:07

@pyjamalife Yeah, he should have swapped burgers if he thought it was that great having missing pieces.

OP posts:
Birthdayblu · 05/09/2023 15:08

I’d dump him for leaving a £2.50 tip

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 15:09

@howlismoving I went 2 months ago and ordered the same burger and there was no hole then. They are having me on.

OP posts:
CallistaFlockfart · 05/09/2023 15:10

@Judepol you are right to pull them up over it, as long as you polite. Didn't they put the cut on triangle in the bun?
Surprised you haven't been called a 'K'

HarrietJet · 05/09/2023 15:13

As if restaurants routinely cut a chunk out of people's food to "check if it's done" 😂
Would you accept a steak with the middle cut out?

swimlyn · 05/09/2023 15:19

One wonders what they do with the bit they cut out? (I think I know…)

It’s weird innit? I’ve managed to cook burgers properly for decades and not once had to perform surgery to see if it’s cooked.

If they’re that frightened of getting burgers right (rolleyes) why, for example, do they not cut it out and then simply replace it on seeing their many hours of culinary experience paying dividends?

thecatinthetwat · 05/09/2023 15:20

Honestly, just get on with it and then choose not to go back. Life’s too short for kicking up about this kind of thing.

It is weird though, I would have spent the whole meal just speculating about what they do with the pieces.

swimlyn · 05/09/2023 15:22

Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 15:05

Maybe that’s what he could afford to tip after paying for the meal too. I hope the poor guy finds someone else to spend his money on, or himself in future, as OP doesn’t sound very grateful

Show quote history

Oh yes. OP should be sooo grateful to this poor man for helping her see the error of her ways...

BaronessBomburst · 05/09/2023 15:23

Please, please name the restaurant.
This is the most batshit thing I've heard!

Hobbi · 05/09/2023 15:24

Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:25

@yogasaurus We are not allowed to speak up these days in case they get upset. Everything has changed.

Who's 'they'?

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 05/09/2023 15:26

I would feel extremely uneasy about what sounds like you confronting someone rather than raising an issue with your food. You change your story from the waiter looked shocked to the waiter gave you a dirty look too. If you dislike the service don’t go back but I am on your partners side with being uncomfortable about it. Though £2.50 is a crap tip, tell him to stick to not tipping at all.

jays · 05/09/2023 15:28

I think it depends on whether you’re always ‘raging against the machine’ and there’s always an issue or a drama or whether this was a genuine rare occasion where you complained rightly so. I had a friend once who controlled every single thing we done by having an issue with something or another…. I couldn’t be arsed with it. If that’s not the case maybe he just felt it was easier to enjoy the evening than ruin it by fighting to the death over a 50p sized piece of burger. Or maybe you’re totally right and it was worth it to you and not to him. I think it’s important if you’re on a night out with more people than just yourself, to consider what makes their night enjoyable too. Maybe standing up for yourself and how you feel (nothing wrong with that) made you feel good but made him feel horrible. It’s hard to know.

roarrfeckingroar · 05/09/2023 15:28

You are the problem here. I would end a relationship with someone who complained like that. So petty.

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 15:31

howlismoving · 05/09/2023 15:04

If that is how the burger is always served then there isn't really anything missing from the product you purchased! If my partner acted like you I'd be mortified!

except that OP has confirmed that her bf had a burger too and no part of it was missing.

OP, unless you were being a shrieking harpy, you did nothing wrong. Get a better boyfriend, tbh, who either backs you up or offers to give you his, whole and complete many portioned burger.

Katmai · 05/09/2023 15:38

What a weird thing to do to a burger.

floribunda18 · 05/09/2023 15:39

I would definitely complain about that and as long as you did it politely there is no issue and your boyfriend sounds pathetic. Which restaurant was it, so we can avoid them?