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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend more bothered about strangers feelings than mine

116 replies

Judepol · 05/09/2023 13:53

My boyfriend took me out for a meal. I ordered a burger. I went to put some sauce on the burger and the chef had cut out a triangle piece of beef bigger than a 50p piece. I told the waiter who looked about 17 and he said they have to cut out the beef to see if it is cooked. Now I know that is a lie as I worked in catering and there are temperature probes to check.

I told him why should I pay for something with the beef missing which is the most expensive part and he said 'that's the way it is'. I told him I won't be eating the meal. He looked shocked and said they will get another burger. I waited 10 minutes and a waitress came over and the same happened again a large chunk of beef cut out. I had to ask then for some extra chips as they had not got any common sense to recompense me.

My boyfriend at the end, paid by card and then told me he gave a £2.50 tip as he felt sorry for one of the waitresses. I was furious as they had given such a bad service. I told him as the tip was not paid by cash the waitress will not receive the tip.

I think it is absurd that my boyfriend is sticking up for strangers and not supporting me, he should not have paid a tip as he is condoning their actions.

I'm sick of him being a people pleaser. He doesn't like confrontation so will defend the person in the wrong and has a fear of upsetting a stranger than his girlfriend.

OP posts:
Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 14:23

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:16

i do worry about some MNers who can't possibly imagine that it is perfectly possible to complain about something without it being like something from the Queen Vic.

I complain about bad service as often as i get bad service, often people around have no idea about it. I also praise good service, and being married to a chef we often tip too much. (we also check that the staff get the tips, and sometimes ask if the kitchen staff are included)

It is perfectly possible to be assertive, and not to receive shoddy service without screeching like a banshee.

(checked with chef: nope, totally not at all normal to cut pieces out of burgers.
OP: do they do steak too? how would they check that?)

You sound very different to the OP.

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:25

@yogasaurus We are not allowed to speak up these days in case they get upset. Everything has changed.

OP posts:
Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 14:26

Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:21

@Brefugee I never went mad at all. The posters probably have children who work in fast food outlets so are infuriated I complained. I still can't believe he told me 'that's the way it is' and gave a me a dirty look while saying it. I had been polite.

You said yourself that you were furious, the waiters couldn’t apply common sense and accused them of lying. They’re just doing their job and probably what they’ve been trained to do. You seem to have an issue with their age too as you refer again to ‘someone’s children’ and them being about 17. Do you think just because they are younger, they are stupid?

The fact you’re angry at your boyfriend who just wanted to enjoy the nice meal he planned and paid for, shows the type of person you are. I hope he runs for the hills

BitOutOfPractice · 05/09/2023 14:26

saveforthat · 05/09/2023 14:07

I agree with you op. I get really irritated with people who can't stand up for themselves, as long as you were polite to the waitress as it was not her fault.

Do you think it sounds like op was polite to the waiting staff? I’d bet my mortgage she wasn’t.

ScribblingPixie · 05/09/2023 14:27

I'm confused by what this. If they cut into the burger to check it was cooked, why not replace the piece afterwards? Because that bit wasn't cooked properly?

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:29

@ScribblingPixie Probably someone is eating bits of beef for themselves. It makes sense, why not just put the beef back. Makes me wonder now where these burger was and if it has been returned by someone else before.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:29

Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 14:23

You sound very different to the OP.

Show quote history

there is absolutely no evidence at all that the OP handled it any differently than i have described myself doing.

The waiter looked 17 - no indication that she said that to the waiter. Maybe he is 17, maybe it's his first job, it is absolutely ridiculous for any restaurant to say it's normal to cut pieces out of a burger - at the VERY least, they should put it back in.

What if i go to a place with a policy like that and order a 250gram filet steak, blue. (which is my go to dish). Are they going to cut a piece from the middle? are they going to not give me the middle best bit? how are they going to tell it's not going to make me ill?

OP brought something to the waiter's attention. If the kitchen staff had anything about them when they sent the 2nd burger out they would have put the batshit cut-out piece back. it really puts me off going out to eat if i think I'm going to encounter such idiocy.

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:31

as an aside, when i am really furious at bad service i get ultra polite and speak with a very calm voice. My husband can recognise the signs and usually scarpers.

Carebearstare12e · 05/09/2023 14:32

BitOutOfPractice · 05/09/2023 14:26

Do you think it sounds like op was polite to the waiting staff? I’d bet my mortgage she wasn’t.

Show quote history

I mean, her boyfriend said he gave a tip because he felt sorry for them...

And OP sounds like one of those 'I call a spade a spade, I stand up for myself' people who are rude and aggressive.

Her weird attack on posters disagreeing with her as probably having teenage children who work in fast forward outlets suggests she just might go over the top about stuff when she's 'furious'.

thiccapricot · 05/09/2023 14:34

You need to relax

Ahhhhhbisto · 05/09/2023 14:34

Not that it answers your question OP but Do you mean a 50p on it's side or flat? I would bet they cut to see if it was cooked, needed longer put it back on heat and burger seperated ( have done this at home, wouldn't expect it in a restaurant!) therefor no missing beef at all!

Megapint · 05/09/2023 14:35

Judging by your posts, you sound like a bit of a dick. I imagine your bf was embarrassed by the way you approached the situation, not the source of the complaint itself.

saveforthat · 05/09/2023 14:36

BitOutOfPractice · 05/09/2023 14:26

Do you think it sounds like op was polite to the waiting staff? I’d bet my mortgage she wasn’t.

Show quote history

Well it's impossible to say as I wasn't there but it's hard not to get a but irritated when your food is disappointing. I have never heard of this way of checking meat is cooked and I am quite old and eat out a lot.

Catsafterme · 05/09/2023 14:40

I don't think I've ever come across that method before and I wouldn't have been happy with that either. You know where the missing bits went, they ate it.

I wouldn't have felt sorry or tipped if I was your bf, I would have complained with you. Here rip me off and I'll pay you extra for the pleasure.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/09/2023 14:41

So your burger was basically donut shaped with a hole through it and your boyfriend's burger was fully intact?

Original poster
Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:43

@SleepingStandingUp Yeah, my burger had a hole in and his was intact. Both the same ounce burger just he had cheese extra.

OP posts:
tt9 · 05/09/2023 14:43

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:31

as an aside, when i am really furious at bad service i get ultra polite and speak with a very calm voice. My husband can recognise the signs and usually scarpers.

lol that's literally me. the angrier I get, the more polite and calm I become.

Pinkbonbon · 05/09/2023 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:47

Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:43

@SleepingStandingUp Yeah, my burger had a hole in and his was intact. Both the same ounce burger just he had cheese extra.

ok so everyone defending the restaurant here - what's the explanation? the staff were looking out that OP didn't get food poisoning but "meh" to the bf?

it is batshit. Some of these replies are batshit and i am, frankly, gobsmacked at some of the comments here. My DH calls this place BatshitNet and I'm beginning to agree with him.

Lulooo · 05/09/2023 14:47

What do they do with all the little triangles of beef they cut out of the centre? Eat them? If so, why should the customer pay for it? It doesn’t make sense.
I’m not even a professional chef but I can figure out how to tell if a burger is cooked without having to take a bite sized morsel out of the centre. It’s ridiculous.

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:48

where is it, OP, my DH wants to go now too.

pyjamalife · 05/09/2023 14:50

OP, was the second burger definitely not the first one? How did they manage to do it twice. Or do they just cut into one burger and it happened to be yours?
Should have swapped with your BF since he was happy enough for you to have it.

I've worked in catering for years and never heard of this, I would also be internally infuriated the second time and ask why they didn't replace it in the second burger once checked it has cooked. Bizarre.

pyjamalife · 05/09/2023 14:51

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:48

where is it, OP, my DH wants to go now too.

Can I join? I'm veggie so can't order my own 😂😂

Motnight · 05/09/2023 14:53

If your boyfriend thought it wasn't an issue he should have just swopped his complete burger for your doughnut shaped one!

Plus £2.50 is a terrible tip 😂

EVliving · 05/09/2023 14:56

Wow your boyfriend gave a £2.50 tip.

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