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Original poster

Boyfriend more bothered about strangers feelings than mine

116 replies

Judepol · 05/09/2023 13:53

My boyfriend took me out for a meal. I ordered a burger. I went to put some sauce on the burger and the chef had cut out a triangle piece of beef bigger than a 50p piece. I told the waiter who looked about 17 and he said they have to cut out the beef to see if it is cooked. Now I know that is a lie as I worked in catering and there are temperature probes to check.

I told him why should I pay for something with the beef missing which is the most expensive part and he said 'that's the way it is'. I told him I won't be eating the meal. He looked shocked and said they will get another burger. I waited 10 minutes and a waitress came over and the same happened again a large chunk of beef cut out. I had to ask then for some extra chips as they had not got any common sense to recompense me.

My boyfriend at the end, paid by card and then told me he gave a £2.50 tip as he felt sorry for one of the waitresses. I was furious as they had given such a bad service. I told him as the tip was not paid by cash the waitress will not receive the tip.

I think it is absurd that my boyfriend is sticking up for strangers and not supporting me, he should not have paid a tip as he is condoning their actions.

I'm sick of him being a people pleaser. He doesn't like confrontation so will defend the person in the wrong and has a fear of upsetting a stranger than his girlfriend.

OP posts:

Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 15:40

swimlyn · 05/09/2023 15:22

Oh yes. OP should be sooo grateful to this poor man for helping her see the error of her ways...

Show quote history

OP should be grateful she got a free meal, paid for by her boyfriend, regardless of her dissatisfaction with the restaurants service.

floribunda18 · 05/09/2023 15:41

And £2.50 is not a crap tip, it may well have been more than 10% of his share of the bill.

gannett · 05/09/2023 15:45

I don't believe that this is their method of checking whether the burger is done either but for heaven's sake it's a small triangle of beef at a fast food joint (where I'm not exactly expecting Michelin standards). It is absolutely not worth anything more than a single question and a raised eyebrow. I would have eaten the burger and then probably not gone back. I would definitely not have taken it out on the teenage waiting staff in any way. If a companion of mine had made the same level of fuss OP did, I would certainly feel tempted to compensate with a tip.

gannett · 05/09/2023 15:46

I also wouldn't interpret this as my boyfriend having greater regard for a stranger's feelings because it is completely absurd to have this many feelings about a fast food burger.

dikwad · 05/09/2023 15:48

You know your boyfriend doesn't have to agree with you or 'support you' don't you? He might have genuinely thought you were a drama Queen and embarrassing.

Never worked in a fast food joint and nor does my child, so don't have to defend waiters who 'look about 17' as though that makes any difference, but I just wouldn't be able to expend energy on something so 'meh'.

FOJN · 05/09/2023 15:53

Brefugee · 05/09/2023 14:16

i do worry about some MNers who can't possibly imagine that it is perfectly possible to complain about something without it being like something from the Queen Vic.

I complain about bad service as often as i get bad service, often people around have no idea about it. I also praise good service, and being married to a chef we often tip too much. (we also check that the staff get the tips, and sometimes ask if the kitchen staff are included)

It is perfectly possible to be assertive, and not to receive shoddy service without screeching like a banshee.

(checked with chef: nope, totally not at all normal to cut pieces out of burgers.
OP: do they do steak too? how would they check that?)

It baffles me too.

I am unfailingly polite if I have reason to complain and I have never had an argument about my dissatisfaction with anyone I'm complaining to. I think it helps if you are specific about what you're not happy with and suggest a reasonable remedy.

I also used to flip burgers on a burger van as a teenager and we used to slash the burger across the middle to check if it was cooked all the way through but we never removed a part of the burger, that's just weird. I would have complained too.

dreamingbohemian · 05/09/2023 15:56

gannett · 05/09/2023 15:46

I also wouldn't interpret this as my boyfriend having greater regard for a stranger's feelings because it is completely absurd to have this many feelings about a fast food burger.

Exactly

I worked in kitchens a long time. Yes, their story is bullshit. But the OP must have been extremely rude about it if her never-tipping boyfriend felt sorry for them!

I would have raised the issue, yes, but if they didn't fix it properly I would have moved on with my life, not ruined an evening over one mouthful. You can always complain to owner later and/ or leave a bad review.

retinolalcohol · 05/09/2023 15:57

The way you're going on anyone would think they sent it out without a burger at all There are things in life getting worked up about and things that aren't- this is one of the latter. You've asked multiple times how others would've reacted - I would've seen the small cut, thought how bizarre, laughed and moved on with my day.

If he felt he had to apologize on your behalf id like to bet you were not half as reasonable or polite as you think. I would've been similarly embarrassed.

Also the fact you've taken it as a 'you vs a stranger' attack is bizarre. If anything he seems like a nice guy - taking you out for food & then wanting to make it up to the wait staff who took some amount of stick from you over something that went on in the kitchen.

Essentially, drop it. You sound ridiculous

Flakey99 · 05/09/2023 15:59

Do you think Gordon Ramsay would accept holes being cut in his burger to test the temperature? No, he bloody wouldn’t and he’d likely swear at them for their incompetence too. At least the OP was perfectly polite. 😂

OP, YANBU at all. Of course they should be using a proper temperature probe when cooking meat in a commercial kitchen.

However, I think you need to review your relationship, as going out with a wet lettuce would soon kill any passion for me. Imagine buying a house to renovate and the builders start taking the piss and your partner decides to pay them the full amount in advance just to appease them etc…

Imsureitsprobablymebut · 05/09/2023 16:03

OP - hopefully you were less dramatic at the time than you are on this thread.

However, I agree with you.

Don’t pay for missing goods/shoddy service
Don’t be afraid to challenge (politely)
Don’t be fobbed off
Don’t ignore your BF’s lack of interest in the above.

swimlyn · 05/09/2023 16:03

Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 15:40

OP should be grateful she got a free meal, paid for by her boyfriend, regardless of her dissatisfaction with the restaurants service.

Show quote history

Are you from Victorian times?

Original poster

Judepol · 05/09/2023 16:25

I don't know why he tipped as he is struggling for money. Yes I do pay for meals, not just him. I am going to suggest we stay in and cook, saves money and less hassle.

OP posts:

toomuchforonewoman · 05/09/2023 16:29

Absolutely MORTIFIED for you over a piece of beef the size of a 50p. I'd say they had a great laugh at you in the kitchen.
I think staying home, cooking yourself and having an extra 50p shaped piece of burger is the best idea you have had in a long time.

Don't get me started on GIMME EXTRAS CHIPS! Ahh this has cheered me right up.

Hadjab · 05/09/2023 16:30

Judepol · 05/09/2023 14:21

@Brefugee I never went mad at all. The posters probably have children who work in fast food outlets so are infuriated I complained. I still can't believe he told me 'that's the way it is' and gave a me a dirty look while saying it. I had been polite.

Now you're just being patronising.

A sensible person would have asked for a second burger, but made sure to tell the waitress to tell the chef that the piece that was cut out was to be put back in before being served.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 05/09/2023 16:31

OP, I've ever eaten anywhere where burgers or steak have to be cut into to see if it's done. Waiting staff with anything about them wouldn't give that excuse nor return with a duplicate dissected burger, they would offer to get a manager for you.

Your boyfriend has given you a clear sign that he's incompatible with you; throw him back into the sea.

As far as this thread is concerned, you've wandered into a land where stupidity triumphs and you've got caught up in it. You can't argue with stupid.

swimlyn · 05/09/2023 16:38

The reason that anywhere has atrocious customer service is because people put up with it and don’t say anything.

It’s astonishing though, the number of posters here who think OP is being awkward over this.

OP is however wrong in keeping the boyfriend. 😄

jays · 05/09/2023 16:52

I don’t think it’s people automatically think OP is wrong, I think it’s more that they’re questioning whether this is a regular occurrence to find fault everywhere with everything and therefore it’s become draining or if this is a rare occasion to legitimately complain because that does make a difference to how the bf reacted

Original poster

Judepol · 05/09/2023 17:01

@jays I have never complained when out for a meal with him. I have never had to. Just a poor choice in venue. The previous time we went was very good with no missing beef.

OP posts:

Original poster

Judepol · 05/09/2023 17:05

The good news is I found the receipt and he did not tip them at all. He must have pressed no when paying. I don't know why he said he tipped them.

OP posts:

Tiny2018 · 05/09/2023 17:07

I'm exactly like your boyfriend OP. I think life's hard enough for people (particularly those in hospitality and retail who take all manner of flack from general public) without making their life harder.

Things have to be pretty bad for me to make a complaint and I admit I am embarassed when others do so, often over something pretty inconsequential, but accept this is their choice. I would have accepted first response personally.

I actually think it sounds like your partner has a lot of empathy, which is a lovely trait in a man.

jays · 05/09/2023 17:12

you made me burst out laughing with ‘the missing beef’ there. To be fair, you sound a right good laugh to be around!

Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 17:12

swimlyn · 05/09/2023 16:03

Are you from Victorian times?

Show quote history

It’s not Victorian thinking to be grateful for a meal somebody bought you. It’s not a women being grateful to a man thing, it’s a common decency of not bashing someone on social media after they’ve treated you to dinner. I’d say the same if gender roles were reserved.

swimlyn · 05/09/2023 17:16

Drummend01 · 05/09/2023 17:12

Show quote history

Well, we have to agree to differ... His behaviour was insulting to her.

You go hun!

Original poster

Judepol · 05/09/2023 17:21

Just checked again, my mistake. He did leave a tip.

The solution is just to never go back there.

OP posts:

Maddy70 · 05/09/2023 17:34

I can only imagine you were rude. That's not to say you didn't have a point but it's not the waiting staff's fault. I can't bear being with people who are rude to staff.

Ps the kitchen I worked in always cut into it to check how it was cooked. A probe won't tell you if it's rare or medium rare your eyes will

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