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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Think partner is cheating

148 replies

Moonchild5 · 02/09/2023 21:25

Hi, my partner has a tendency to go out “for a few pints” & not return home & not communicate with me. I just knew he wasn’t returning home last night when he asked if I minded he go out for a few with a friend from his old job. I’m not his keeper so will never stop him from going out but told him last time to leave etc after he didn’t return home. I was pregnant every other time & have an 8 week old now. He messaged me this morning saying sorry I just stayed at my friends I’m just waiting on the train. Told him I’m not interested, gave him a lecture then not spoke to him all day. I find his wallet not long ago, I look in it to see if there’s any evidence of him taking drugs as he told me he stopped. I find a hotel receipt so he lied about staying at his friends. Is it likely he’s cheated? Can’t think why else he’d lie about where he stayed. Rather discuss here before making any quick decisions or flip out( I’m not naive be brutally honest)

OP posts:
Hellofromtheotherslide · 04/09/2023 21:33

Your new baby and your son are sharing a home with a drug addict who puts drugs before them and is probably cheating on you when he should be at home supporting his baby. Also, where is he getting the money for hotels and drugs if he quit his job? This man is a loser.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/09/2023 21:36

Does it really matter if he's cheated though? He lies and does drugs while he has a baby at home. You deserve more than this.

Moonchild5 · 04/09/2023 21:37

ProjectsGalore · 04/09/2023 21:26

So this isn't enough for you to end things after all?

Yes it is I’m done I’m just updating everyone on what he said to me about it all after I confronted him

OP posts:
Moonchild5 · 04/09/2023 21:39

Hellofromtheotherslide · 04/09/2023 21:33

Your new baby and your son are sharing a home with a drug addict who puts drugs before them and is probably cheating on you when he should be at home supporting his baby. Also, where is he getting the money for hotels and drugs if he quit his job? This man is a loser.

He got paid last week he’s only been out of work just over a week so he has money to do him the month

OP posts:
Hellofromtheotherslide · 04/09/2023 21:47

He got paid a week ago and has money to last him a month when he has a family at home yet wastes it on drugs/hotels instead of saving it for things that inevitably come up with a new baby. Please make sure he is out of your home by the end of that month then so you are not burdened any further by financing him on top of everything else. I can see this one becoming a fine workshy, useless cocklodger.

roarrfeckingroar · 04/09/2023 22:12

AhNowTed · 04/09/2023 19:59

@Moonchild5

No bloke gets coked up to spend it in a sex-less hotel room with mates.

NONE.

Not true. I had many friends who would do just that in their 20s. Get a hotel room, get on it all night with a friend or friends. Sad but true.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 06/09/2023 14:32

He is out of work and buying drugs... does that mean you should expect loan requests or even thefts shortly.

Moonchild5 · 06/09/2023 15:08

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 06/09/2023 14:32

He is out of work and buying drugs... does that mean you should expect loan requests or even thefts shortly.

No he’ll be going back to work he’s never been out of work any longer than 2 weeks

OP posts:
Moonchild5 · 07/09/2023 19:40

Another update. We’re still over but he’s making me feel bad that I haven’t spoken to him about his problems & haven’t helped him. I’m the btch for still ignoring him when he’s got all these problems & that’s why he went out & took drugs etc but tbh if the shoe was on the other foot I’d be the worst mum in the world taking drugs while my baby was at home with covid. I’m embarrassing apparently & also a cunt. Charming…

OP posts:
Moonchild5 · 07/09/2023 19:41

That wasn’t meant to be in bold I put an asterisk at each of the swear words

OP posts:
Pinklemons9 · 07/09/2023 20:18

He’s doing drugs whilst at home when you’ve got 2 children living there! Why didn’t you kick him out ages ago! The cheating is irrelevant!

Moonchild5 · 07/09/2023 20:52

Because he’s always denied it

OP posts:
Laurdo · 08/09/2023 13:10

Moonchild5 · 07/09/2023 19:40

Another update. We’re still over but he’s making me feel bad that I haven’t spoken to him about his problems & haven’t helped him. I’m the btch for still ignoring him when he’s got all these problems & that’s why he went out & took drugs etc but tbh if the shoe was on the other foot I’d be the worst mum in the world taking drugs while my baby was at home with covid. I’m embarrassing apparently & also a cunt. Charming…

FFS! You've just had a baby and he's wondering why your world isn't revolving around him? Wow!

Laurdo · 08/09/2023 13:11

Moonchild5 · 07/09/2023 20:52

Because he’s always denied it

So he denies having a problem but is asking why you haven't been asking him about his problems, that he denied having. Right. Makes perfect sense.

Shapemyeyebrows · 08/09/2023 14:58

Laurdo · 08/09/2023 13:11

So he denies having a problem but is asking why you haven't been asking him about his problems, that he denied having. Right. Makes perfect sense.

exactly this

Moonchild5 · 08/09/2023 16:44

Laurdo · 08/09/2023 13:11

So he denies having a problem but is asking why you haven't been asking him about his problems, that he denied having. Right. Makes perfect sense.

He admitted to taking drugs on Monday & said he has problems & wants help. Yesterday he had a go at me for not asking about or supporting him with his problems between Monday & yesterday. I have ignored him & tbh he should be the one making an effort to speak to me but he’s acting like I’ve done something wrong

OP posts:
Laurdo · 08/09/2023 17:15

Moonchild5 · 08/09/2023 16:44

He admitted to taking drugs on Monday & said he has problems & wants help. Yesterday he had a go at me for not asking about or supporting him with his problems between Monday & yesterday. I have ignored him & tbh he should be the one making an effort to speak to me but he’s acting like I’ve done something wrong

Just ignore him. He has a cheek to accuse you of being inconsiderate when he's gone out on a bender and left you at home with a new baby. He's just trying to take the heat off himself and paint you as the bad one.

Takeabreather23 · 10/10/2023 10:39

I thought this guy was to be out that day or the police called .

I take it he’s still there ?

Bertiesmum3 · 10/12/2023 09:25

Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 09:08

I’m not staying with him I just haven’t packed his stuff in the past. If he doesn’t leave I’ll be phoning the police. Still not packing his bags for him though. I don’t want to cause a scene in front of my 10yo so I’d like him to leave quietly with a few of his things. I couldn’t pack his stuff anyway my 8 week old breastfeeds most of the day I rarely put her down

Stop making excuses, do it now!
oh wait, you’ll stay with him and you’ll be posting exactly the same thing in MN in a few months time!!
Get him out of your life now, you’re showing your son that it’s fine for men to cheat on their partners and treat them like shit, because you tolerate it he’ll think it’s acceptable to act that way!!

Bertiesmum3 · 10/12/2023 09:26

Sorry didn’t see this was a post from September!
what was the outcome???

Moonchild5 · 10/12/2023 10:37

Big harsh! & how would my son know he was cheating it’s not something I’m going to tell him?

OP posts:
Moonchild5 · 10/12/2023 12:27

*bit

OP posts:
duvetday9 · 10/12/2023 12:43

How are things now op?

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