Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Think partner is cheating

148 replies

Moonchild5 · 02/09/2023 21:25

Hi, my partner has a tendency to go out “for a few pints” & not return home & not communicate with me. I just knew he wasn’t returning home last night when he asked if I minded he go out for a few with a friend from his old job. I’m not his keeper so will never stop him from going out but told him last time to leave etc after he didn’t return home. I was pregnant every other time & have an 8 week old now. He messaged me this morning saying sorry I just stayed at my friends I’m just waiting on the train. Told him I’m not interested, gave him a lecture then not spoke to him all day. I find his wallet not long ago, I look in it to see if there’s any evidence of him taking drugs as he told me he stopped. I find a hotel receipt so he lied about staying at his friends. Is it likely he’s cheated? Can’t think why else he’d lie about where he stayed. Rather discuss here before making any quick decisions or flip out( I’m not naive be brutally honest)

OP posts:
Goldflap · 03/09/2023 09:00

@Moonchild5 but it's a pretty bizarre reason to stay with someone who is cheating on you and has zero respect for you- because you can't work out why he won't pack his own stuff.

Who cares why ( because he's a nasty bastard that knows that actually you won't actually go through with anything and couldn't care less) start planning a better life for you all,

I understand how hard it is to actually go through with it but you will all be happier for it.

Goldflap · 03/09/2023 09:01
  • he couldn't care less I meant not you although by doing nothing that's the message you are sending
Goldflap · 03/09/2023 09:01

@Boymummyofone THIS

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 09:02

Coralie1 · 02/09/2023 23:52

Can you say you found it on the floor?

No as it was tucked away in his wallet

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 09:08

Goldflap · 03/09/2023 09:00

@Moonchild5 but it's a pretty bizarre reason to stay with someone who is cheating on you and has zero respect for you- because you can't work out why he won't pack his own stuff.

Who cares why ( because he's a nasty bastard that knows that actually you won't actually go through with anything and couldn't care less) start planning a better life for you all,

I understand how hard it is to actually go through with it but you will all be happier for it.

I’m not staying with him I just haven’t packed his stuff in the past. If he doesn’t leave I’ll be phoning the police. Still not packing his bags for him though. I don’t want to cause a scene in front of my 10yo so I’d like him to leave quietly with a few of his things. I couldn’t pack his stuff anyway my 8 week old breastfeeds most of the day I rarely put her down

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 03/09/2023 09:16

Just chuck all his stuff in black bin liners as though you're throwing the rubbish out. I get you don't want to but it's a small detail in the grander scheme of things

isthismylifenow · 03/09/2023 09:25

Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 09:08

I’m not staying with him I just haven’t packed his stuff in the past. If he doesn’t leave I’ll be phoning the police. Still not packing his bags for him though. I don’t want to cause a scene in front of my 10yo so I’d like him to leave quietly with a few of his things. I couldn’t pack his stuff anyway my 8 week old breastfeeds most of the day I rarely put her down

Show quote history

In the past he hasn't done as you asked, and got let off lightly. So he isn't going to take you seriously this time either.

Send a clear message by emptying his things into bags while your DC is downstairs or occupied.

The message can be no clearer than that.

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 09:29

isthismylifenow · 03/09/2023 09:25

In the past he hasn't done as you asked, and got let off lightly. So he isn't going to take you seriously this time either.

Send a clear message by emptying his things into bags while your DC is downstairs or occupied.

The message can be no clearer than that.

Show quote history

That’s why I said I’ll be phoning the police if he doesn’t leave. My sons room is right across from ours & house is all one level so it difficult to do anything discreetly my son heard me mumbling to myself in the kitchen from the livingroom a few days ago

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 09:39

Should I keep the hotel receipt or leave it in his wallet? I have took pictures of everything

OP posts:
Goldflap · 03/09/2023 09:43

I'm sorry I misunderstood your message
Do you have people close that can support you?
This is a lot for you to face alone

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 09:48

Goldflap · 03/09/2023 09:43

I'm sorry I misunderstood your message
Do you have people close that can support you?
This is a lot for you to face alone

No I don’t really I have 2 friends & my grandparents who I wouldn’t want to stress out as my grandad has just came out of hospital & my gran is recovering from covid

OP posts:
Goldflap · 03/09/2023 09:58

Let your health visitor know what you are going through x

jollyhollyday · 03/09/2023 09:59

Can you ask your friend to come around and watch your baby while you pack as much as you can. Just enough to hide him over for a few days and allows you time to get rest of stuff done over the next week

Laurdo · 03/09/2023 10:04

You don't even need to tell him you found the receipt or the key card. You don't need to give a whole list of reasons why you want him to leave just chuck him out. Fling all his stuff into bin bags and leave them outside. He doesn't deserve any explanation from you. Just say this isn't working for you any more and you no longer love him. This focuses on your feelings rather than his actions and he can't really tell you what you're feeling.

Laurdo · 03/09/2023 10:07

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 03/09/2023 09:16

Just chuck all his stuff in black bin liners as though you're throwing the rubbish out. I get you don't want to but it's a small detail in the grander scheme of things

Yes this. I did this when I found out my exH had cheated. It took 5 minutes as I wasn't folding stuff or carefully packing. I threw clean clothes in with dirty, toothbrushes in with computer equipment.

andjustlikethat1 · 03/09/2023 10:08

What calibre of a man would buy a new suit for a night out. Who is he trying to impress? Listen to your child they know more than we do, and obviously this man child is giving your child vibes

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 10:11

jollyhollyday · 03/09/2023 09:59

Can you ask your friend to come around and watch your baby while you pack as much as you can. Just enough to hide him over for a few days and allows you time to get rest of stuff done over the next week

Both my friends both have 2 kids & one would be working & other one has no transport & my son would just come in & ask what we’re doing. I will tell him to pack his stuff while my sons at school tomorrow & if he doesn’t I will phone the police & they can take his stuff

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 10:13

andjustlikethat1 · 03/09/2023 10:08

What calibre of a man would buy a new suit for a night out. Who is he trying to impress? Listen to your child they know more than we do, and obviously this man child is giving your child vibes

Everyone apart from me me clearly

OP posts:
RunBorisRun · 03/09/2023 10:31

The police will come and take his stuff? I don't have experience of this but I would be surprised if they had time or resources or even the power to be able to do this.

You have to step up and do this for the sake of your children.
Wait until you're over Covid and your boy is at school, and just do it OP.

Enough excuses, otherwise you're going to be posting the same thing in a year's time with your poor boy even angrier and your baby girl already picking up on the vibe.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/09/2023 10:39

So sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. It does seem like he has cheated, I can’t think of why else he would have lied about staying at his friends house otherwise? And for me the drugs alone would be enough to walk away when you are at home looking after his 8 week old baby.

OP is your house owned/rented? Is it in just your name or joint names?

The answers to those questions are important as depending on those the police are not going to come and remove him just because you ring unless there is abuse, and even then they can pretty useless, and from your post it doesn’t sound like there has been any domestic violence?

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 10:42

RunBorisRun · 03/09/2023 10:31

The police will come and take his stuff? I don't have experience of this but I would be surprised if they had time or resources or even the power to be able to do this.

You have to step up and do this for the sake of your children.
Wait until you're over Covid and your boy is at school, and just do it OP.

Enough excuses, otherwise you're going to be posting the same thing in a year's time with your poor boy even angrier and your baby girl already picking up on the vibe.

I mean while they’re here if I need to phone them for him to be removed or they can stay while he takes his own stuff

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 10:45

Mrsttcno1 · 03/09/2023 10:39

So sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. It does seem like he has cheated, I can’t think of why else he would have lied about staying at his friends house otherwise? And for me the drugs alone would be enough to walk away when you are at home looking after his 8 week old baby.

OP is your house owned/rented? Is it in just your name or joint names?

The answers to those questions are important as depending on those the police are not going to come and remove him just because you ring unless there is abuse, and even then they can pretty useless, and from your post it doesn’t sound like there has been any domestic violence?

It’s rented under my name we share nothing so police will remove him if he’s refusing to leave

OP posts:
Shapemyeyebrows · 03/09/2023 10:55

@Moonchild5 unless he says “yes I cheated” (which almost never happens) then you are never going to be 100% but it’s 99% obvious he’s cheated. It’s also clear he’s otherwise a poor partner. In relationships I can go out with friends and have a good time and still make my way home. He will lie, twist the truth, turn it round on you, but deep down you KNOW the truth. Oh and it’s very common for cheating men to be very vocal about absolutely hating cheaters.

Jk987 · 03/09/2023 10:59

What a waste of space. How much support do you have for yourself and baby? You need space to breathe and sleep so don't hesitate to call on your friends and family. I'm sure you'd do the same for them.

Original poster
Moonchild5 · 03/09/2023 11:02

Jk987 · 03/09/2023 10:59

What a waste of space. How much support do you have for yourself and baby? You need space to breathe and sleep so don't hesitate to call on your friends and family. I'm sure you'd do the same for them.

Not a lot only really people I can text or call. I can text my friends & call my gran I wouldn’t be able to have any physical company or support

OP posts: